MORNING SUNLIGHT SLIPS THROUGH THE CURTAINS, LANDING ACROSS MY DESK.THE ALARM BUZZES WEAKLY "BZZZZT! BZZZZT!!" BEFORE I SILENCE IT.
ANOTHER DAY OF SCHOOL. ANOTHER DAY OF WALKING THE SAME PATH, SITTING IN THE SAME SEAT, BLENDING INTO THE BACKGROUND LIKE A SMUDGE NO ONE NOTICES.AT LEAST, THAT'S HOW IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE.
NOW, THERE'S HANA.
THE MEMORY OF YESTERDAY—THE WAY SHE SMILED AT ME, THE WAY SHE SPOKE AS IF NO TIME HAD PASSED—LINGERS IN MY CHEST LIKE A STUBBORN FLAME.IT'S… UNSETTLING.AND YET, A PART OF ME DOESN'T WANT IT TO FADE.
AT BREAKFAST, MINJI BOUNCES IN HER CHAIR, HER PONYTAIL SWINGING LIKE A PENDULUM. "CLACK! CLACK!" AGAINST THE WOODEN CHAIR."OPPA, HURRY UP! HANA-NEECHAN PROMISED SHE'D WALK WITH US TODAY!"
I NEARLY DROP MY SPOON. "CLINK!""W-WALK… WITH US?"
MOM CHUCKLES WHILE SERVING MISO SOUP. "CLATTER—POURRR~""HANA-CHAN CALLED ME LAST NIGHT. SHE INSISTED ON COMING BY. I THINK SHE'S HAPPY TO BE BACK IN TOWN."
MINJI BEAMS. "SHE'S THE BEST. UNLIKE SOMEONE WHO SULKS ALL THE TIME." SHE GIVES ME A POINTED LOOK.I MUTTER UNDER MY BREATH, "I DIDN'T ASK TO BE COMPARED…"
OUTSIDE THE GATE, HANA WAITS.HER UNIFORM FITS NEATLY, HER HAIR TIED WITH A SOFT RIBBON. SHE WAVES THE MOMENT SHE SPOTS US. "FWOOSH!!" AS HER RIBBON SWAYS."GOOD MORNING, MINJI-CHAN! SIYUN-KUN!"
HER VOICE IS BRIGHT ENOUGH TO MAKE MINJI RUN STRAIGHT INTO HER ARMS. "TAP TAP TAP—THUD!""YOU REALLY CAME!" MINJI'S GRIN STRETCHES EAR TO EAR.
"OF COURSE." HANA PATS HER HEAD GENTLY. "PAT PAT~""I PROMISED, DIDN'T I?"
HER GAZE SHIFTS TO ME. "YOU TOO, SIYUN-KUN. DID YOU SLEEP WELL?"I FREEZE, WORDS JAMMING IN MY THROAT. "GULP."NO ONE EVER ASKS ME THAT. NOT TEACHERS, NOT CLASSMATES. EVEN AT HOME, MOM AVOIDS MY SILENCE, AND MINJI JUST SCOLDS ME PLAYFULLY.
"…I GUESS," I MUTTER."THAT'S GOOD," SHE SAYS WARMLY, AS IF MY CURT RESPONSE IS ENOUGH.
THE WALK IS LIVELY. MINJI CHATTERS NONSTOP ABOUT SCHOOL GOSSIP, FAVORITE IDOLS, AND NEW SNACKS AT THE CORNER STORE. "BLAH BLAH BLAH~ HAHA!!"HANA LISTENS PATIENTLY, NODDING AND LAUGHING. "HEHE~"
I TRAIL SLIGHTLY BEHIND, HANDS SHOVED INTO MY POCKETS. "CRUNCH CRUNCH" ON GRAVEL.IT FEELS WRONG… LIKE I DON'T BELONG IN THIS CHEERFUL PICTURE.
BUT THEN HANA SLOWS HER PACE UNTIL SHE'S WALKING BESIDE ME."YOU'RE QUIET, AS ALWAYS."I SHRUG. "RUSTLE" OF MY UNIFORM. "THAT'S JUST… ME."HER EYES SOFTEN. "OR MAYBE IT'S JUST THE MASK YOU WEAR."
I STOP WALKING. "SKID—!" MY BREATH HITCHES. "HHH—"HOW…?
BEFORE I CAN ANSWER, MINJI CALLS OUT FROM AHEAD, "OIII!! HURRY!!" AND HANA JOGS FORWARD, "TAP TAP TAP—", LEAVING ME STUNNED.
AT SCHOOL, HANA BLENDS IN EFFORTLESSLY.DURING GROUP WORK, SHE VOLUNTEERS ANSWERS, LAUGHS EASILY "HAHA!!", AND EVEN WINS OVER THE CLASS REP BY SHARING HER HOMEMADE SNACKS. "RUSTLE—CRUNCH!"SHE'S LIKE A BEAM OF SUNLIGHT ENTERING A DUSTY, FORGOTTEN ROOM.
I SHOULD BE RELIEVED. THE ATTENTION IS ON HER NOW, NOT ME.BUT INSTEAD, I FEEL THE DISTANCE BETWEEN US GROWING.
LUNCHTIME. "DING DING DING!!"AS ALWAYS, I TAKE MY BENTO TO THE ROOFTOP—THE ONE PLACE WHERE I CAN EAT WITHOUT HEARING WHISPERS OR LAUGHTER AT MY EXPENSE.
THE WIND IS CRISP, CARRYING THE SCENT OF CHALK DUST FROM BELOW. "WHOOOOSH~"I SIT AGAINST THE FENCE, OPEN MY BENTO, AND STARE BLANKLY AT THE RICE AND EGGS.
"FOUND YOU."
I ALMOST DROP MY CHOPSTICKS. "CLATTER!!"HANA STANDS AT THE DOOR, A BENTO IN HER HANDS.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" I BLURT OUT, TOO HARSH.SHE DOESN'T FLINCH. "EATING LUNCH WITH YOU, OF COURSE."
"…WHY?""BECAUSE I WANT TO." SHE SITS BESIDE ME AS IF IT'S THE MOST NATURAL THING IN THE WORLD. "THUMP" AS SHE SETTLES DOWN.
MY MIND SPINS. DOESN'T SHE REALIZE WHAT SHE'S DOING? SITTING WITH ME, OF ALL PEOPLE? THE CLASS WILL GOSSIP. SHE'LL BE DRAGGED DOWN WITH ME.
"YOU SHOULDN'T." MY VOICE TREMBLES. "…SHHHK.""IF YOU HANG AROUND ME… PEOPLE WILL TALK."
HANA TILTS HER HEAD, PUZZLED. THEN SHE SMILES, GENTLE YET FIRM. "SMILE~""LET THEM TALK. I DON'T CARE WHAT OTHERS THINK. I ONLY CARE ABOUT MY OWN CHOICES. AND I CHOOSE TO BE HERE—WITH YOU."
HER WORDS PIERCE THROUGH THE ARMOR I'VE BUILT FOR YEARS. MY CHEST FEELS HEAVY… YET WARM.FOR A MOMENT, I ALMOST BELIEVE I DESERVE THIS WARMTH.
AFTER SCHOOL, I OVERHEAR SOME CLASSMATES WHISPERING. "PSSST… PSSST…""WHY DOES HANA SIT WITH THAT GLOOMY GUY?""SHE COULD HANG OUT WITH ANYONE, BUT SHE PICKS HIM? WEIRD.""MAYBE SHE PITIES HIM."
THE WORDS STING LIKE NEEDLES. "STAB—STAB—STAB." MY STOMACH KNOTS. "TWIST…"
BUT BEFORE I CAN RETREAT INTO MY SHELL, HANA APPEARS BESIDE ME, AS IF SENSING EVERYTHING."READY TO HEAD HOME, SIYUN-KUN?" SHE ASKS CHEERFULLY, IGNORING THE STARES.
MINJI JOINS US, CLUTCHING HANA'S HAND LIKE AN ANCHOR. "GRIP!!"AND JUST LIKE THAT, THE WHISPERS FADE.NOT BECAUSE THEY'VE STOPPED… BUT BECAUSE HANA'S VOICE DROWNS THEM OUT.
THAT EVENING, AFTER DINNER, I FIND MYSELF LINGERING BY THE WINDOW. "CLINK" OF DISHES BEING WASHED BEHIND ME.THE NIGHT SKY IS CLEAR, STARS FAINT AGAINST THE CITY GLOW. "CRICKETS CHIRP~"
MINJI'S LAUGHTER ECHOES FROM THE LIVING ROOM "AHAHA!!" AS SHE PLAYS A CARD GAME WITH MOM. "SHUFFLE SHUFFLE—SNAP!"HANA'S VOICE JOINS THEM—SHE DROPPED BY TO DELIVER HOMEMADE COOKIES, CLAIMING HER MOM MADE TOO MANY. "RUSTLE~" OF A COOKIE BAG.
THEY'RE LAUGHING TOGETHER, LIKE ONE BIG FAMILY. "HAHA!! CLAP!!"AND I'M… WATCHING FROM THE SIDELINES.LIKE ALWAYS.
I CLENCH MY FISTS. "TIGHTEN—CRK!"IF I CAN'T SHINE LIKE HANA, THEN MAYBE… I CAN AT LEAST PROTECT HER LIGHT.EVEN IF IT MEANS SACRIFICING MY OWN.
THAT NIGHT, I WRITE IN MY NOTEBOOK—A HABIT I NEVER TOLD ANYONE ABOUT. "SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH—""IF BEING WITH ME BRINGS HANA PAIN, I'LL ENDURE IT. IF PEOPLE MOCK ME, I'LL ENDURE IT. AS LONG AS HER SMILE DOESN'T FADE… I'LL ENDURE EVERYTHING."
MY PEN STOPS. "CLICK." I STARE AT THE WORDS, HEART ACHING."…EVEN IF I DISAPPEAR COMPLETELY."
THE SHADOWS IN MY ROOM STRETCH LONG ACROSS THE FLOOR. "CREEEAK…"AND YET, FOR THE FIRST TIME, I DON'T FEEL ENTIRELY SWALLOWED BY THEM.
BECAUSE SOMEWHERE IN THIS DARKNESS, HANA'S LIGHT STILL REACHES ME.