THE ALARM BUZZED — BZZZZZZZZ!!! — BUT SIYUN HAD ALREADY BEEN AWAKE FOR HOURS. THE SOUND CLATTERED AGAINST HIS SKULL LIKE A SWARM OF METAL BEES, YET HIS EYES HAD BEEN OPEN LONG BEFORE IT STARTED. SLEEP HAD BECOME A STRANGER THESE PAST FEW DAYS, A GHOST THAT MOCKED HIM FROM AFAR BUT NEVER TOUCHED.
THE CEILING ABOVE HIM FELT LIKE A CAGE. THE CRACKS IN THE PAINT LOOKED LIKE BARS, LOCKING HIM IN. HE STARED AT THEM UNTIL HIS VISION BLURRED, WONDERING HOW LONG HE COULD KEEP EXISTING LIKE THIS.
HE DRAGGED HIMSELF OUT OF BED, HIS BODY HEAVY. EVERY BRUISE AND ACHE FROM YESTERDAY'S SHOVES IN THE HALLWAY SEEMED TO STING LOUDER IN THE QUIET MORNING — THROB-THROB!! — LIKE AN UGLY DRUMBEAT INSIDE HIS BONES.
IN THE KITCHEN, MINJI HUMMED A CHEERFUL TUNE AS SHE POURED MILK INTO HER CEREAL BOWL. CLINK-CLINK!! THE SPOON RANG AGAINST THE CERAMIC. SHE LOOKED UP, BEAMING, HER SMILE AS BRIGHT AS THE SUN TRYING TO PUSH THROUGH HEAVY CLOUDS.
"OPPA! MORNING!"
HER VOICE WAS PURE, UNTAINTED, LIKE A SONG UNSCATHED BY THE DARKNESS OF THE WORLD.
"…MORNING," SIYUN WHISPERED, FORCING A REPLY. HIS WORDS WERE THIN, FRAGILE, BARELY HOLDING THEIR SHAPE.
THEIR MOTHER SLID A PLATE OF TOAST ONTO THE TABLE. CLATTER!! THE SOUND ECHOED TOO LOUDLY IN THE ROOM. "SIYUN, YOU'RE EATING LESS THESE DAYS. IS EVERYTHING OKAY AT SCHOOL?"
HIS HAND FROZE ON THE GLASS OF WATER. THE SURFACE TREMBLED WITH HIS GRIP, RIPPLE… RIPPLE…, REFLECTING A BOY HE HARDLY RECOGNIZED.
IF I SAY THE TRUTH… IF I TELL HER I'M BEING CORNERED, WHAT THEN? SHE ALREADY WORKS SO HARD. SHE DOESN'T NEED MY PAIN TOO.
"I'M FINE," HE SAID QUICKLY. TOO QUICKLY. SNAP!! THE WORD BROKE THE AIR SHARPER THAN HE INTENDED.
MINJI SQUINTED AT HIM WITH HER CURIOUS EYES, AS IF SHE COULD SEE THROUGH THE CRACKS IN HIS ARMOR. BUT SHE SAID NOTHING. INSTEAD, SHE QUIETLY SLID A PIECE OF HER TOAST ACROSS THE TABLE.
"EAT, OPPA. YOU'LL FEEL BETTER."
THE KINDNESS STUNG WORSE THAN ANY BLOW.
THE MOMENT SIYUN ENTERED THE SCHOOL GATES, WHISPERS SLITHERED INTO HIS EARS LIKE POISONOUS SERPENTS.
"THAT'S HIM…""DON'T SIT NEAR HIM, I HEARD WEIRD STUFF…""WHY DOES HANA EVEN TALK TO HIM SOMETIMES?"
EACH MURMUR WAS A DAGGER — SLASH!! SLASH!! SLASH!! — CUTTING PIECES OFF HIM UNTIL HE FELT HOLLOW.
SIYUN LOWERED HIS GAZE, CLUTCHING HIS BAG TIGHTER. HE COUNTED HIS STEPS, FORCING HIMSELF TO MOVE FORWARD. ONE STEP. THEN ANOTHER. JUST SURVIVE UNTIL THE BELL.
AT HIS DESK, HE FOUND ANOTHER NOTE TUCKED INSIDE. THE PAPER RUSTLED — SCRATCH-SCRATCH — AS HE OPENED IT:
STAY AWAY FROM HANA.FREAK.
THE WORDS WERE SHARP ENOUGH TO CARVE INTO HIS SKIN. HE CRUMPLED IT INTO HIS FIST BEFORE HANA WALKED IN.
BUT WHEN SHE ENTERED, SHE DIDN'T EVEN GLANCE HIS WAY. SHE WENT STRAIGHT TO HER SEAT BESIDE THE WOLF — THE BOY WHO GRINNED LIKE A PREDATOR WHO HAD JUST CLAIMED HIS PREY.
THE WOLF SMIRKED AT SIYUN DURING MATH. HIS VOICE BOOMED ACROSS THE CLASSROOM LIKE A CRUEL DRUM.
"HEY, SIYUN. YOU ALWAYS SIT SO QUIETLY. WHY DON'T YOU SHARE YOUR GENIUS WITH US? YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THE SMART ONE, RIGHT?"
SNICKERS ERUPTED. HEH-HEH-HEH!! THE SOUND SPREAD LIKE FIRE.
SIYUN'S NAILS DUG INTO HIS PALM — PRICK!! — HOLDING BACK THE SURGE IN HIS CHEST.
STAY QUIET. STAY CALM. DON'T GIVE HIM WHAT HE WANTS.
BUT THIS TIME, SOMETHING INSIDE CRACKED — CRRRRACK!!!
HE RAISED HIS HEAD, MEETING THE WOLF'S MOCKING GAZE. "AT LEAST I DON'T NEED TO USE PEOPLE TO LOOK SMART."
THE CLASSROOM FELL SILENT. HUSH… HUSH… EVEN THE AIR STOPPED BREATHING.
FOR THE FIRST TIME, SIYUN'S WORDS CUT BACK.
THE WOLF'S SMIRK TWITCHED — JUST SLIGHTLY. A HAIRLINE FRACTURE IN HIS MASK. BUT HE QUICKLY RECOVERED, LAUGHING, HAH-HAH-HAH!!! "OOOH, CLAWS OUT, HUH? CAREFUL, OR PEOPLE MIGHT THINK YOU'RE DANGEROUS."
THE LAUGHTER RETURNED, LOUDER THAN BEFORE. ROAR-ROAR-ROAR!! HANA'S FACE STIFFENED, HER EYES FLICKING BETWEEN THEM LIKE A BIRD TRAPPED BETWEEN TWO STORMS.
SIYUN FELT BOTH VICTORY AND DREAD TWISTING IN HIS STOMACH.
BY SOME MIRACLE, HANA APPROACHED HIM DURING LUNCH.
"SIYUN… CAN WE TALK?"
HIS HEART LEAPT — THUD-THUD-THUD!!! — POUNDING SO HARD IT HURT. MAYBE—JUST MAYBE—THINGS WEREN'T COMPLETELY BROKEN.
THEY WALKED TO THE BACK COURTYARD, AWAY FROM THE NOISE. THE BREEZE WHISPERED THROUGH THE TREES — SWISHHHH — BUT EVEN THAT FELT UNEASY. HANA CLASPED HER HANDS, AVOIDING HIS EYES.
"YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT IN CLASS," SHE SAID SOFTLY. "PEOPLE ARE ALREADY MISUNDERSTANDING YOU. TALKING BACK JUST… MAKES IT WORSE."
SIYUN'S CHEST TIGHTENED. CRUSHHHH!! THE WEIGHT PRESSED HEAVY.
SO EVEN NOW… YOU DON'T SEE HOW HE'S THE ONE CORNERING ME? YOU JUST WANT ME TO STAY QUIET?
"…I CAN'T JUST TAKE IT FOREVER, HANA," HE WHISPERED. HIS VOICE CRACKED WITH EXHAUSTION. "I'VE ALWAYS ENDURED. ALWAYS. BUT HOW LONG DO I HAVE TO KEEP SWALLOWING EVERYTHING?"
HANA FLINCHED. "I'M NOT SAYING YOU HAVE TO ENDURE… I JUST—"
HER WORDS TANGLED, UNFINISHED. STUMBLE… THE SILENCE STRETCHED, SUFFOCATING, AS IF THE WORLD ITSELF REFUSED TO SPEAK FOR THEM.
FINALLY, HANA MUTTERED, "I'LL… SEE YOU LATER," AND WALKED AWAY.
SIYUN'S HAND REACHED OUT INSTINCTIVELY — JERK!! — THEN DROPPED.
THE FRAGILE THREAD BETWEEN THEM FELT THINNER THAN EVER, READY TO SNAP.
WHEN SIYUN GOT HOME, MINJI WAS WAITING WITH A WIDE GRIN.
"OPPA, OPPA! LOOK WHAT I MADE!"
SHE HELD UP A BRACELET MADE OF COLORFUL BEADS. THE STRING WAS UNEVEN, THE BEADS MISMATCHED, BUT HER PRIDE SPARKLED BRIGHTER THAN ANY JEWEL.
"I MADE IT FOR YOU. SO YOU DON'T FEEL LONELY AT SCHOOL."
THE WORDS HIT HIM LIKE A TIDAL WAVE — CRASHHHH!!! — SLAMMING INTO HIS HEART.
HE KNELT DOWN, TAKING THE BRACELET WITH TREMBLING HANDS. "…THANK YOU, MINJI. I'LL TREASURE IT."
HE SLIPPED IT ONTO HIS WRIST. THE COLORS CLASHED WITH HIS UNIFORM, BUT TO HIM, IT WAS A SHIELD.
MINJI GIGGLED, TEE-HEE-HEE!! "NOW YOU'RE PROTECTED! NO BAD PEOPLE CAN HURT YOU WHEN YOU WEAR IT."
HER FAITH WAS PURE. TOO PURE.
SIYUN FORCED A SMILE, THOUGH HIS EYES BURNED. "YEAH… YOU'RE RIGHT."
THE NEXT DAY, SIYUN SAT THROUGH HOMEROOM, THE BRACELET HIDDEN UNDER HIS SLEEVE. HE TOUCHED IT SECRETLY, AS IF DRAWING STRENGTH FROM ITS COLORS.
BUT THE WOLF WASN'T DONE. HE NEVER WAS.
DURING GYM CLASS, HE "ACCIDENTALLY" SHOVED SIYUN INTO THE MUD DURING SOCCER. SPLASHHH!!! MUD SPLATTERED HIS FACE, HIS UNIFORM, HIS HANDS. LAUGHTER ERUPTED FROM THE SIDELINES. HAHAHA!! HOHOHO!!
"WATCH YOUR STEP, FREAK," THE WOLF SNEERED.
SIYUN CLENCHED HIS FISTS, MUD DRIPPING FROM HIS UNIFORM LIKE BLOOD. HIS WHOLE BODY SHOOK — NOT FROM FEAR THIS TIME, BUT FROM THE RISING FIRE INSIDE.
I CAN'T KEEP BEING THEIR PUNCHING BAG.
THE WHISTLE BLEW — FWEEEEET!!! — ENDING CLASS. SIYUN WALKED OFF THE FIELD, EVERY STEP HEAVY WITH RESTRAINED RAGE.
THAT EVENING, SIYUN FOUND HIMSELF ON THE ROOFTOP AGAIN. THE CITY LIGHTS FLICKERED BELOW LIKE WOUNDED STARS, THE WIND CARRYING FAINT ECHOES OF LAUGHTER FROM CLASSROOMS STILL ALIVE WITH CLUB ACTIVITIES.
HE GRIPPED THE RAILING, THE BRACELET SHINING FAINTLY UNDER THE MOONLIGHT.
"HANA… YOU'RE SLIPPING AWAY," HE WHISPERED. HIS VOICE CRACKED LIKE A SHATTERED BELL. "AND EVERYONE ELSE—THEY JUST WANT TO TEAR ME DOWN."
HIS REFLECTION IN THE GLASS WINDOW STARED BACK — TIRED, BRUISED, BROKEN.
"I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER I CAN HOLD ON… BUT I'LL ENDURE. FOR MINJI. IF NO ONE ELSE BELIEVES IN ME, SHE DOES. I WON'T LET HER DOWN."
THE WORDS FELT FRAGILE, BUT THEY ANCHORED HIM. FOR NOW.
THAT NIGHT, THE VOID CAME AGAIN.
BUT THIS TIME, SIYUN STOOD TALLER INSIDE IT.
THE WHISPERS SURROUNDED HIM — FAKE… WORTHLESS… ALONE… THE SOUND CRAWLED OVER HIS SKIN LIKE INSECTS.
HE CLUTCHED MINJI'S BRACELET. THE COLORS GLOWED FAINTLY IN THE DARK, CHASING THE SHADOWS BACK JUST ENOUGH.
"I'M NOT ALONE," HE MUTTERED. "NOT YET."
THE VOID HISSED — SSSSHHHHHH!! — RETREATING. BUT NOT GONE. NEVER GONE.
THE CRACKS IN HIS HEART SPREAD WIDER.
AND SOMEWHERE IN THE DISTANCE, THE WOLF'S LAUGHTER ECHOED — HA-HA-HA-HA!!! — MOCKING, PROMISING WORSE TO COME.