THE MOUNTAIN AIR WAS CRISP AND COOL, EACH BREATH LIKE A SLIVER OF ICE SLIDING DOWN INTO THE LUNGS. THE MORNING MIST CURLED LAZILY ABOVE THE PINES, GHOSTLY WHITE TRAILS THAT TWISTED AND VANISHED AS IF HIDING SECRETS WITHIN THE TREES. THE EARTH SMELLED OF WET SOIL, OF FRESH DEW, OF A FOREST AWAKENED AFTER A LONG SLEEP. SOMEWHERE AMONG THE NOISE, STUDENTS SPILLED OFF THE BUS WITH BURSTS OF LAUGHTER — HAHAHA!!! — VOICES SHARP AGAINST THE QUIET OF THE WILDERNESS. SHOES CRUNCHED ON GRAVEL, BACKPACKS THUMPED AGAINST SHOULDERS, AND THE AIR FILLED WITH THE ELECTRIC RESTLESSNESS OF A TRIP LONG AWAITED.
THE SCHOOL TRIP HAD BEGUN.
SIYUN WAS THE LAST TO STEP DOWN, HIS SHOES LANDING WITH A SOFT THUD ON THE EARTH. HIS HANDS GRIPPED HIS WORN BAG TIGHTLY AGAINST HIS CHEST AS IF IT WERE A SHIELD. HE LIFTED HIS EYES TO THE SKY, AN ENDLESS BLUE DOME, FREE AND UNTOUCHED BY THE SUFFOCATING WEIGHT HE CARRIED EVERYWHERE.
(MAYBE… MAYBE BEING AWAY FROM THOSE SCHOOL WALLS WILL HELP. EVEN FOR A LITTLE WHILE…)
BEHIND HIM, HANA'S VOICE BURST INTO THE AIR — BRIGHT, CAREFREE, CHEERFUL. HER LAUGH — HAH! HAHA! — ROSE AMONG HER FRIENDS, EFFORTLESSLY LIGHT. THE SOUND MADE HIS HEART ACHE WITH SOMETHING BITTERSWEET, A PAIN THAT WAS BOTH LONGING AND LOSS.
THE TEACHERS DIVIDED THE STUDENTS INTO GROUPS. TO HIS DISMAY, SIYUN FOUND HIMSELF IN THE SAME GROUP AS HANA… AND THE WOLF.
"ALRIGHT EVERYONE, FIND YOUR CABINS!" A TEACHER CALLED, HER VOICE CUTTING THROUGH THE BUZZ.
THE BOYS RUSHED AHEAD, LAUGHING, SHOUTING, THEIR VOICES A CHORUS OF YOOO!!LET'S GO!!! — LIKE CROWS FLYING CHAOTICALLY INTO THE SKY. SIYUN LAGGED BEHIND, HIS STEPS HEAVY, HIS BODY MOVING AS THOUGH IT ALREADY KNEW THIS ROAD WOULD ONLY LEAD TO DARKNESS.
BENDING TO ADJUST HIS SHOE, HE FELT A MEMORY PULL AT HIM. MINJI'S VOICE, SOFT AND CHILDLIKE, RETURNED LIKE A BELL FROM ANOTHER LIFE.
"OPPA, BE SAFE, OKAY? TRIPS ARE SCARY, BUT YOU'LL BE FINE. HERE, TAKE THIS CHARM! MAMA SAID IT KEEPS AWAY BAD THINGS."
HE TIGHTENED HIS GRIP ON THE TINY CHARM IN HIS POCKET.
(MINJI… I'LL BE FINE. I HAVE TO BE.)
THE FIRST HALF OF THE DAY HELD A FRAGILE ILLUSION OF PEACE. HIKING BOOTS CRUNCHED ALONG ROCKY PATHS, PENCILS SCRAPED DURING NATURE SKETCHES, STUDENTS LAUGHED WHILE GATHERING WOOD FOR THE CAMPFIRE. SIYUN STAYED TO THE EDGES, LURKING IN SHADOWS, BUT HANA OCCASIONALLY GLANCED AT HIM WITH A SMALL, UNCERTAIN SMILE. EACH TIME IT HAPPENED, IT STRUCK HIM LIKE A SPARK — TING! — LIGHTING A FRAIL HOPE INSIDE HIS CHEST.
(MAYBE SHE DOESN'T HATE ME YET. MAYBE… I CAN STILL REACH HER.)
BUT AS THE SUN BEGAN TO DIP BEHIND THE MOUNTAINS, SHADOWS CREPT LONGER AND DARKER, AND THE THREADS OF FATE BEGAN TO WEAVE AGAINST HIM.
THAT NIGHT, THE STUDENTS GATHERED IN THE LODGE. THE FIREPLACE CRACKLED — CRACK! SNAP! POP! — FILLING THE ROOM WITH HEAT AND ORANGE GLOW. SOME PLAYED CARDS, THE SHUFFLING OF DECKS A SOFT FLICK-FLICK-FLICK. OTHERS HUDDLED IN SMALL GROUPS, WHISPERING, LAUGHING, CHATTING.
AND THERE HE WAS. THE WOLF.
LEANING AGAINST A PILLAR, HIS ARMS CROSSED CASUALLY, HIS EYES FIXED ON SIYUN. THAT SMILE — A SLY CURVE OF THE LIPS, A GLINT IN THE EYES — WASN'T A SMILE AT ALL. IT WAS THE SMIRK OF A PREDATOR, A PANTHER CIRCLING THE WOUNDED.
HE BEGAN TO MOVE, FOOTSTEPS LIGHT — TAP… TAP… TAP… — UNTIL HE REACHED A GROUP OF GIRLS. HIS VOICE LOWERED, SOFT BUT JUST LOUD ENOUGH TO BE OVERHEARD, A VENOM MASKED WITH FRIENDLINESS.
"HEY… DON'T YOU THINK SIYUN'S BEEN ACTING WEIRD LATELY? ALWAYS STARING, ALWAYS QUIET… DOESN'T IT CREEP YOU OUT?"
THE GIRLS LOOKED AT ONE ANOTHER, UNEASY, UNSURE.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" ONE ASKED.
THE WOLF LET OUT A SOFT CHUCKLE — HEH… — RUBBING THE BACK OF HIS NECK AS IF EMBARRASSED. "AH, MAYBE IT'S NOTHING… BUT I DID SEE HIM HANGING NEAR THE LAUNDRY EARLIER. PROBABLY JUST COINCIDENCE…"
HIS WORDS HUNG IN THE AIR LIKE SMOKE, INVISIBLE YET SUFFOCATING. THE SEED OF SUSPICION WAS PLANTED.
MEANWHILE, SIYUN SAT BY THE FIRE, OBLIVIOUS, HIS PENCIL SCRATCHING — SKRRRTCH… SKRRRTCH… — ACROSS HIS NOTEBOOK. HIS HAND TREMBLED SLIGHTLY AS HE WROTE.
(IF I GIVE HANA THIS DURING THE TRIP… MAYBE SHE'LL UNDERSTAND. MAYBE SHE'LL SEE HOW MUCH SHE MEANS TO ME…)
BUT THE WOLF'S EYES NARROWED FROM AFAR, PLOTTING.
THE NEXT MORNING, CHAOS ERUPTED.
"WHA—?! MY UNDERWEAR! IT'S GONE!!!" A GIRL'S SHRILL CRY SLASHED THE AIR LIKE GLASS — KRRSHH!!
THE ROOM FELL INTO STUNNED SILENCE. THEN ANOTHER GIRL GASPED — HUHH!! — CLUTCHING HER BAG. "MINE TOO!"
STUDENTS RUSHED TO THEIR BELONGINGS, THE NOISE A CACOPHONY OF ZIPPP! FLING! RUSTLE! THUMP! PANIC TURNED TO WHISPERS, WHISPERS TO SUSPICION.
THE WOLF STEPPED FORWARD, PLAYING THE PART OF PEACEMAKER, HIS FACE PAINTED WITH FALSE CONCERN.
"HEY, HEY — DON'T PANIC. MAYBE SOMEONE JUST MISPLACED IT." HIS VOICE WAS SOOTHING, A LULLABY DRIPPING WITH POISON. THEN, LOWER, HESITANT YET LOUD ENOUGH FOR ALL TO HEAR: "BUT… IT WOULDN'T HURT TO CHECK. JUST TO BE SAFE."
EYES TURNED, SEARCHING FOR A TARGET.
THE WOLF LET HIS GAZE DRIFT SLOWLY — UNTIL IT LANDED, SHARPLY, ON SIYUN.
"WAIT," HE SAID, HIS TONE MOCK-INNOCENT. "WE HAVEN'T CHECKED SIYUN'S BAG, HAVE WE?"
THE ROOM GREW COLD. THE SILENCE WAS A THRUMMM OF PRESSURE BUILDING.
"THAT'S A SERIOUS ACCUSATION," THE TEACHER WARNED.
THE WOLF RAISED HIS HANDS IN MOCK SURRENDER. "OF COURSE, OF COURSE. I'M JUST SAYING… WE'VE ALL HEARD THE RUMORS. BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY."
AND THEN, WITH A SHARP CURVE OF HIS LIPS: "BESIDES… IT'S ALWAYS THE QUIET ONES."
SNICKERS SPREAD, SLY AND CRUEL.
"NO — WAIT," SIYUN STAMMERED, HIS VOICE CRACKING. HE STOOD, HIS HANDS TREMBLING, HIS CHEST TIGHT. "IT'S NOT—"
BUT HIS BAG WAS ALREADY YANKED OPEN — RIPPPP!!
AND WITH A HEAVY THUMP, LACE FELL TO THE FLOOR.
A COLLECTIVE GASP — HUHHHHHH!! — RUSHED THROUGH THE ROOM.
SIYUN'S VISION NARROWED TO A TUNNEL. HIS BREATH CAME IN SHALLOW HUFFS, HUFFS, HUFFS.
(NO… NO, NO, NO… THIS ISN'T… THIS ISN'T MINE!)
THE WOLF CLICKED HIS TONGUE — TSK, TSK — SHAKING HIS HEAD, HIS VOICE LOUD, MEANT FOR ALL TO HEAR.
"AHH… I DIDN'T WANT TO BELIEVE IT." HIS EYES SLID TOWARD HANA, SHARP AS BLADES. "BUT… I GUESS THE RUMORS WERE TRUE ALL ALONG."
LEANING IN CLOSE, JUST FOR SIYUN TO HEAR, HE WHISPERED: "YOU'LL NEVER CRAWL OUT OF THIS ONE."
THE ROOM ERUPTED.
"DISGUSTING!""I KNEW IT — HE WAS ALWAYS WEIRD!""STAY AWAY FROM US!"
THE TEACHERS SHOUTED TO CALM THE STORM — "ENOUGH! QUIET!" — BUT THE DAMAGE WAS ALREADY DONE.
SIYUN STOOD FROZEN, HIS BODY NUMB, HIS FACE PALE. HIS EYES DARTED DESPERATELY — SEARCHING, BEGGING — FOR SOMEONE TO BELIEVE HIM.
AND THEN HIS GAZE LOCKED ON HANA.
SHE STOOD AMONG HER FRIENDS, TREMBLING, HER HANDS CLENCHED IN HER SKIRT.
(NO… IT CAN'T BE HIM… IT CAN'T… SIYUN WOULDN'T… WOULD HE?)
HER HEART WANTED TO CRY OUT, TO DEFEND HIM, TO SCREAM HIS NAME. MEMORIES FLASHED — HIS QUIET KINDNESS, HIS AWKWARD SMILES, THE TIME HE STOOD UP FOR HER IN SMALL WAYS THAT NO ONE ELSE NOTICED.
BUT THEN THE WHISPERS SLITHERED AROUND HER LIKE SERPENTS.
"HANA, WEREN'T YOU SITTING NEXT TO HIM? DID HE EVER…?""POOR YOU, TO BE SO CLOSE TO SOMEONE LIKE THAT."
THE WEIGHT OF DOZENS OF EYES PRESSED DOWN ON HER. SHE OPENED HER MOUTH — BUT NO SOUND CAME.
FEAR CHAINED HER.
AND IN THAT SILENCE, HER SILENCE, SIYUN'S HOPE SHATTERED INTO DUST.
HE SAW IT IN HER EYES. DOUBT. HESITATION. BETRAYAL.
(…SO EVEN YOU… EVEN YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME…)
OUTSIDE, RAIN BEGAN TO POUR, DRUM-DRUM-DRUMMM AGAINST THE ROOF, AS IF ECHOING HIS HEARTBEAT.
SIYUN STUMBLED OUT OF THE LODGE, HIS CLOTHES SOAKED INSTANTLY, HIS BODY TREMBLING WITH MORE THAN COLD. THE WOLF'S SMIRK BURNED IN HIS MIND. HANA'S FROZEN FACE CUT INTO HIS CHEST LIKE A BLADE.
HE WALKED UNTIL HIS LEGS GAVE OUT, COLLAPSING BENEATH A FLICKERING LAMPPOST BY THE MOUNTAIN PATH. THE LIGHT BUZZED — ZZZZT… FLICK… FLICK… — CASTING HIS SHADOW BROKENLY AGAINST THE MUD.
(ALL THIS TIME… ALL THE SACRIFICES… ALL THE SMILES… FOR THEM. FOR MY FRIENDS. FOR HANA. AND THIS IS WHAT I GET?)
HIS FISTS SLAMMED INTO THE EARTH — THUD! THUD! SPLASH! — MUD SPLATTERING HIS ARMS.
(I GAVE UP CHANCES, DREAMS, MY OWN HAPPINESS JUST SO THEY WOULDN'T FEEL LEFT OUT… AND NOW… THEY LAUGH AT ME. THEY HATE ME. THEY THINK I'M FILTH.)
HANA'S SILENCE, THE WOLF'S LAUGHTER, THE WHISPERS OF HIS CLASSMATES — ALL MERGED INTO A SINGLE DEAFENING ROARRRRR!!! IN HIS MIND.
SLOWLY, HIS LIPS CURVED INTO A BROKEN SMILE. A SOUND ESCAPED HIM — LOW, TWISTED.
"HEH… HA… HAHAHAHAHA…"
HIS LAUGHTER ECHOED INTO THE STORM, MAD, HOLLOW, TERRIFYING.
THEN A SHADOW APPROACHED. FOOTSTEPS SPLASHED IN THE RAIN — SPLASH… SPLASH… SPLASH…
THE WOLF.
HE CAME WITH AN UMBRELLA, THE RAINDROPS BEATING ON IT WITH PITTER-PATTER, TAP-TAP-TAP. HE COWERED UNDER ITS DRYNESS, HIS SMIRK PERFECTLY INTACT.
"WELL, WELL," HE SAID, CROUCHING DOWN, HIS VOICE A DAGGER DIPPED IN HONEY. "DIDN'T TAKE MUCH, DID IT? ONE PUSH, AND YOU CRUMBLE. YOU REALLY THOUGHT YOU BELONGED WITH US? PATHETIC."
SIYUN'S NAILS DUG INTO HIS PALMS UNTIL BLOOD MIXED WITH RAIN, HIS BREATH COMING IN VIOLENT HUFFS, HUFFS. HIS EYES BURNED, NOT JUST WITH PAIN BUT WITH SOMETHING FAR DARKER.
THE WOLF LEANED IN, HIS WHISPER HOT AGAINST THE STORM. "REMEMBER THIS FEELING, SIYUN. THIS IS WHERE YOU STAY. BENEATH ME."
AND WITH THAT, HE STOOD, TURNED, AND WALKED AWAY, HUMMING A CHEERFUL TUNE — MM-MM-MMM — AS IF THE WORLD HADN'T JUST COLLAPSED.
SIYUN'S BODY SHOOK, RAGE AND DESPAIR INTERTWINED, HIS VERY SOUL CRACKING.
THE CHARM IN HIS POCKET SLIPPED OUT, FALLING INTO THE MUD WITH A SOFT PLLLP. MINJI'S GIFT, NOW DRENCHED, BROKEN, USELESS.
HE STARED AT IT WITH HOLLOW EYES.
(MINJI… I'M SORRY. I CAN'T… I CAN'T BE THAT PERSON ANYMORE.)
THE RAIN FELL HARDER — DRUMMM, ROAR, SPLASHHHH — AS IF THE SKY ITSELF WANTED TO DROWN HIM.
AND WITH IT, THE LAST PIECES OF HIS OLD SELF WASHED AWAY INTO THE DARKNESS.