THE SKY WAS PAINTED IN SOFT PASTEL HUES AS SIYUN WALKED TO SCHOOL. THE AIR SMELLED FAINTLY OF SPRING—FRESH GRASS, BLOOMING FLOWERS, THE DISTANT CHIRPING OF SPARROWS. CHIRP-CHIRP!! THE SONGS OF BIRDS FILLED THE AIR, AND SOMEWHERE FAR OFF, A DOG BARKED. THE WORLD, ON THE SURFACE, LOOKED SO BEAUTIFUL.
BUT TO SIYUN, THE COLORS WERE BLEACHED, FADED, AS IF HE WERE LIVING INSIDE A GRAY MIRROR. EVERY SHADE OF PINK, EVERY SHADE OF BLUE—IT ALL FELT EMPTY.
HIS EYES CAUGHT HANA WALKING JUST AHEAD. HER HAIR WAS TIED NEATLY WITH A RIBBON, SWAYING WITH EACH STEP. SHE WAS FLANKED BY TWO FRIENDS, LAUGHING, CHATTING, THEIR VOICES LIGHT LIKE BUBBLES FLOATING IN THE AIR. LAUGH-LAUGH…
FOR A BRIEF MOMENT, INSTINCT SURGED INSIDE HIM—TO STEP FORWARD, TO WALK BESIDE HER AS HE USED TO. COUNTLESS MORNINGS HAD PASSED LIKE THAT BEFORE—WHEN HER SMILE WAS FOR HIM, WHEN HER PRESENCE FELT LIKE SUNLIGHT IN A COLD ROOM.
BUT THEN SHE GLANCED BACK. HER EYES MET HIS.
THUD. HIS HEART JUMPED.
HER SMILE FALTERED—JUST SLIGHTLY. ALMOST IMPERCEPTIBLY. AND THEN, AS IF IT WERE NOTHING, SHE TURNED AWAY.
TO ANYONE ELSE, IT WAS JUST A FLEETING GLANCE.
TO SIYUN, IT WAS EVERYTHING.
THE INVISIBLE WALL BETWEEN THEM, ONCE THIN, GREW TALLER, THICKER, COLDER.
THE CLASSROOM FELT HEAVIER THAT DAY.
THE WOLF—THE TRANSFER STUDENT—LEANED LAZILY AGAINST HIS DESK. HIS ARMS CROSSED. A SMUG SMILE CURVED ACROSS HIS LIPS AS HE SOAKED IN THE ATTENTION OF EVERYONE AROUND HIM. HIS VOICE CUT THROUGH THE ROOM, SMOOTH AND CONFIDENT. HA-HA-HA!! EVERY JOKE LANDED PERFECTLY. EVERY WORD HOOKED SOMEONE'S ATTENTION. HE WAS A STORM WEARING THE MASK OF A CHARMER.
SIYUN SAT AT HIS OWN DESK, SILENT. HIS EYES FIXED ON NOTES HE WASN'T READING. HIS HAND GRIPPED HIS PEN.
BUT HE COULDN'T BLOCK THE VOICES AROUND HIM. THE WHISPERS. THE DAGGERS.
WHISPER-WHISPER…"DID YOU HEAR WHAT THEY SAID ABOUT SIYUN?""I HEARD HE GOT INTO A FIGHT IN MIDDLE SCHOOL.""NO WAY, REALLY? HE LOOKS LIKE THE TYPE THOUGH.""HE'S PROBABLY HIDING SOMETHING. CREEPY, RIGHT?"
WHISPERS ECHO LOUDER, LIKE A HISSING CROWD.
SIYUN'S KNUCKLES TURNED WHITE. THE PEN SHOOK IN HIS HAND.
THESE WERE LIES. ALL OF THEM.
AND YET—NO ONE QUESTIONED THEM. NO ONE ASKED HIM. EVEN HANA, WHO ONCE KNEW HIM BETTER THAN ANYONE, STAYED SILENT.
AT LUNCH, HE ESCAPED. THE CAFETERIA WAS TOO LOUD, TOO STIFLING.
HE SLIPPED OUTSIDE AND SAT UNDER THE SHADE OF A CHERRY BLOSSOM TREE BEHIND THE GYM. RUSTLE… PETALS FELL. A FEW LANDED ON HIS BENTO BOX, SOFT PINKS STAINING WHITE RICE.
HIS MIND WANDERED BACK. MEMORIES CAME LIKE WAVES, EACH CRASHING AGAINST HIS CHEST.
• IN MIDDLE SCHOOL, HE HAD GIVEN UP HIS CLASS TRIP SO HIS FRIEND COULD GO. HE LIED TO HIS PARENTS, SAID HE DIDN'T WANT TO, JUST SO THE SCHOOL FUND COULD COVER HIS FRIEND.• HE HAD SKIPPED HIS OWN BIRTHDAY OUTING BECAUSE ANOTHER FRIEND WAS SICK, SITTING BESIDE THEM ALL DAY INSTEAD.• HE HAD SAVED THE LAST SLICE OF CAKE AT EVERY PARTY, ALWAYS PUSHING IT TOWARD SOMEONE ELSE WITH A SMILE.
ALWAYS GIVING. ALWAYS SACRIFICING.
AND NOW?
WHERE WERE THOSE PEOPLE?
WHERE WAS THE GRATITUDE?
"WAS I ALWAYS JUST A STEPPING STONE?" HE WHISPERED TO HIMSELF. ECHO… ECHO…
THE WIND DIDN'T ANSWER.
AFTER SCHOOL, HE PACKED HIS BAG SLOWLY. THE ROOM EMPTIED AROUND HIM. DESKS SCREECHED AS CHAIRS WERE PULLED BACK. SCRAAAAPE!!
"HEY."
HIS HEAD SNAPPED UP.
THE WOLF STOOD AT HIS DESK. THE SUNLIGHT FILTERED THROUGH THE WINDOW, CATCHING HIS SHARP CANINES AS HE SMILED.
"DO YOU MIND IF I BORROW HANA FOR A BIT? NEED HELP WITH MATH."
THE WORDS SOUNDED CASUAL. FRIENDLY. BUT HIS EYES WERE COLD.
SIYUN'S HANDS TIGHTENED. HE FORCED HIS VOICE OUT. "…SURE."
HANA HESITATED, LOOKING BETWEEN THEM. "I'LL BE RIGHT BACK, SIYUN."
AND THEN—SHE LEFT.
THE WOLF LEANED IN CLOSE, HIS BREATH HOT AGAINST SIYUN'S EAR.
"YOU REALLY MAKE IT EASY, YOU KNOW," HE WHISPERED. "ALWAYS LETTING PEOPLE SLIP THROUGH YOUR FINGERS."
AND HE WALKED OFF, LAUGHTER ECHOING DOWN THE HALLWAY. HA-HA-HA!!
SIYUN SAT FROZEN. HIS HANDS TREMBLED AGAINST HIS DESK.
"IS THIS… WHAT I'VE BECOME? SOMEONE SO EASY TO STEAL FROM?"
THAT NIGHT, SIYUN SAT WITH MINJI AT THE TABLE.
CRAYONS WERE SCATTERED ACROSS THE FLOOR. SHE DREW A CROOKED LITTLE PICTURE OF THEIR FAMILY, GIGGLING.
"OPPA, LOOK! THIS IS YOU!" SHE SAID, POINTING TO A STICK FIGURE WITH MESSY HAIR. "AND THIS IS ME, AND UMMA, AND HANA-UNNIE!"
SIYUN'S CHEST TIGHTENED.
"WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DRAW HANA?" HE ASKED QUIETLY.
MINJI BLINKED, TILTING HER HEAD. "BECAUSE SHE'S NICE TO ME. SHE MAKES ME LAUGH. SHE FEELS LIKE FAMILY."
HER WORDS CUT DEEPER THAN ANY INSULT.
SIYUN SMILED WEAKLY, PATTING HER HEAD. "YEAH… SHE DOES."
BUT INSIDE, HE WONDERED—WHEN SHE DRIFTED AWAY FROM HIM, WOULD SHE DRIFT AWAY FROM MINJI TOO?
THE NEXT DAY, HE OPENED HIS LOCKER. CLANG!!
BOOKS TUMBLED OUT, HITTING THE FLOOR WITH A THUD-THUD-THUD!! SCRAWLED WORDS COVERED THEM—"LOSER," "FAKE," "CREEP."
LAUGHTER EXPLODED NEARBY. "OOPS! LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S POPULAR."
HIS THROAT CLOSED. HE WANTED TO SHOUT—TO DEMAND WHO DID THIS. BUT HIS VOICE WOULDN'T MOVE.
SILENTLY, HE PICKED THEM UP, ONE BY ONE. SCRATCH… SCRATCH…
HANA WALKED PAST. HER EYES LINGERED ON HIM, ON THE SCENE, ON THE BOOKS.
FOR A SPLIT SECOND, HE THOUGHT—SHE'LL SAY SOMETHING. SHE'LL DEFEND ME.
BUT SHE KEPT WALKING.
JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.
THAT AFTERNOON, HE SAT ON THE ROOFTOP, THE DEFACED NOTEBOOK IN HIS HANDS.
THE SKY WAS A BRILLIANT BLUE, CLOUDS DRIFTING LAZILY. WHOOSH—THE WIND BLEW ACROSS HIS FACE. HOW CRUEL, HE THOUGHT, THAT THE WORLD COULD LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL WHILE HIS WAS SO BROKEN.
HE OPENED THE NOTEBOOK. THE WORD "FAKE" STARED BACK.
"FAKE? IS THAT REALLY WHAT I AM?"
MEMORIES FLOODED BACK. ALL THE SACRIFICES, THE SILENT ENDURANCE, THE DESPERATE ATTEMPTS TO KEEP PEOPLE CLOSE.
MAYBE TO THEM, IT WASN'T KINDNESS.
MAYBE TO THEM, IT WAS DESPERATION.
MAYBE… HE WAS NOTHING MORE THAN A HOLLOW SHELL PRETENDING TO BE GOOD.
THE THOUGHT SANK INTO HIM, DEEP, CORROSIVE.
ON HIS WAY HOME, HE SAW HER.
HANA STOOD IN THE CONVENIENCE STORE, SMILING BRIGHTLY AT THE WOLF AS THEY PICKED OUT SNACKS. DING!! THE DOOR CHIME RANG.
HER SMILE—SO BRIGHT, SO UNGUARDED.
NOT THE HESITANT, GUARDED SMILE SHE GAVE SIYUN LATELY.
IT WAS THE SMILE HE REMEMBERED. THE SMILE THAT ONCE BELONGED TO HIM.
HIS HEART CRACKED. CRACKKKK.
"SO THAT'S WHERE IT WENT," HE THOUGHT. "THE WARMTH I LOST. THE LIGHT. THE LAUGHTER. ALL OF IT."
HE TURNED AWAY BEFORE SHE SAW HIM. HIS FOOTSTEPS HEAVY ON THE PAVEMENT. THUD-THUD-THUD.
THAT NIGHT, THE VOID RETURNED.
BUT THIS TIME, THE WHISPERS WERE LOUDER.
"WORTHLESS." ECHO."FAKE." ECHO."REPLACEABLE." ECHO."ALONE." ECHO.
HE CLUTCHED HIS HEAD, SINKING TO HIS KNEES IN THE DARKNESS. THUMP!
"STOP IT… STOP…" HIS VOICE SHOOK.
BUT THE VOICES GREW SHARPER, LACERATING HIS MIND. EACH WORD A BLADE. EACH ECHO A KNIFE.
"YOU ARE NOTHING.""YOU ARE A SHADOW.""YOU WILL BE FORGOTTEN."
HIS HANDS TREMBLED, TEARS BURNED HIS EYES. THE ROOM FELT LIKE IT WAS COLLAPSING.
UNTIL ALL THAT REMAINED WAS THE SOUND OF HIS BREATH—BROKEN, HOLLOW. HUFF-HUFF-HUFF.
AND IN THE STILLNESS, A FINAL VOICE ROSE FROM THE DARK.
"SIYUN IS DEAD. ALL THAT'S LEFT… IS NOTHING."
HIS HEART STAGGERED. THUD… THUD…
AND FOR THE FIRST TIME, HE BELIEVED IT.
DAYS BLURRED INTO EACH OTHER. HE STOPPED TALKING. STOPPED TRYING. HE BECAME A SHADOW IN THE HALLWAYS.
HANA STILL SMILED WITH HER FRIENDS, BUT EVEN FROM AFAR, HE COULD SEE THE BRIGHTNESS HAD DIMMED. SOMETIMES THEIR EYES MET ACROSS THE HALLWAY. FOR A BRIEF SECOND, HE THOUGHT HE SAW REGRET IN HER EYES. GUILT.
BUT HE TURNED AWAY.
BECAUSE THE SIYUN SHE KNEW—THE BOY WHO SMILED DESPITE THE PAIN, WHO TRIED TO PROTECT HER—
THAT BOY WAS GONE.
ALL THAT REMAINED WAS THE HOLLOW SHELL.
THE BOY WHO DIED THE MOMENT SHE LOOKED AT HIM… WITH PITY.