In this world, Hololive idols possessed powers matching their lore - some more literally than others.
The morning sun cast its golden rays over the Hololive EN Branch Building as Elizabeth Rose Bloodflame pushed through the glass doors, humming a cheerful tune. Her red-tinted hair bounced with each step, and she clutched a paper bag with her breakfast—a cream cheese bagel and coffee from the shop down the street.
"What a beautiful day!" she announced to no one in particular, her voice echoing through what should have been the bustling lobby.
She took three more steps before her humming died in her throat.
"Wha—?"
The scene before her defied explanation. The normally pristine lobby looked like a tornado had mated with a earthquake and given birth to chaos itself.
"Wha!? Wha!? WHAT HAPPENED!?"
Amelia Watson lay sprawled on the floor near the reception desk, her detective coat somehow twisted around her torso like a straightjacket. She groaned, one arm reaching weakly toward the ceiling. "Time travel... couldn't prevent... this..."
"AME!" Elizabeth dropped her breakfast and rushed forward, nearly tripping over a toppled potted plant.
To her left, she spotted Takanashi Kiara—completely flattened beneath an avalanche of books. Only her orange hair was visible, splayed out like a tragic sunrise. One of her hands stuck out from the pile, twitching.
"Kiara?! How did—books don't just fall like that!"
"They do..." Kiara's muffled voice emerged from beneath the literary burial mound, "when someone... sword tricks... through the library..."
"SWORD TRICKS?!"
From somewhere in the distance—maybe the east wing—Elizabeth heard overlapping screams.
"THE HISTORY!" That was Nerissa's voice, high-pitched and devastated.
"THE VENDING MACHINE!" And that was Mumei, equally distraught.
Elizabeth's head swiveled between the voices and the carnage around her. What the hell was going on? She'd only been gone for twenty minutes to grab breakfast!
A weak hand raised from behind the overturned couch. IRys, the half-angel half-demon, was sprawled there, her usually perfect hair disheveled and covering half her face. Her voice came out strained and urgent.
"R-run..."
"Run? Run from what?" Elizabeth started toward her, but another voice stopped her cold.
"They... they're not stopping..." Fauna lay propped against the wall, her usually serene expression replaced with something between awe and horror. Leaves from her hair decoration were scattered around her like she'd been caught in a windstorm. "Her... motivation... is too much..."
"Who's motivation?!" Elizabeth practically shrieked, her composure evaporating. "What are you talking about?!"
A crater in the wall caught her attention. Actually, not a crater—more like a perfect silhouette. And stuck in that silhouette was Kronii, the Warden of Time herself, somehow embedded into the drywall like a cartoon character. Her body was twisted at an angle that suggested she'd been thrown with considerable force.
"Kronii!" Elizabeth rushed over. "What—how—"
Kronii's eyes cracked open, unfocused. "Gura..." she mumbled, "for someone who loves pizza..."
"The what?" Elizabeth grabbed Kronii's shoulders, trying to pull her free. She didn't budge. "Pizza? What does pizza have to do with—"
The building shook.
Not an earthquake. Something else. Something rhythmic. Like footsteps, but faster. Like—
The double doors to the main hall exploded outward.
No, not exploded. They simply flew off their hinges as two figures burst through in a blur of motion.
Elizabeth's jaw dropped.
Koseki Bijou—the tiny, cute "rock" of Hololive EN—wearing a long blue coat that billowed dramatically behind her. In her hands, she wielded what looked like an ornate katana that hummed with power. Her usually cheerful expression was replaced with intense focus, her pink eyes gleaming with competitive fire.
And opposite her, Gawr Gura—the tiny shark girl herself—dual-wielding pistols that looked far too large for her small frame while a massive sword was strapped to her back. She wore a red coat that matched her opponent's dramatic flair. Her shark tail whipped behind her as she backflipped through the air.
"WHAT THE—" Elizabeth couldn't even finish the sentence.
But that wasn't even the most absurd part.
From the overhead speakers—someone had connected their phone to the building's PA system—blasted a song Elizabeth had never heard before. The vocals were passionate, the instrumentals heavy and intense:
"BURY THE CRINGE DEEP WITHIN!"
Biboo landed on the reception desk, her coat swirling. "Is that all you've got, shrimp?"
"BORN IN MEMES!"
Gura fired both pistols. Biboo deflected the bullets with her katana—wait, were those actual bullets?!—sending them ricocheting into the ceiling. Acoustic tiles rained down like snow.
"I'M JUST GETTING STARTED, PEBBLE!" Gura shouted back.
"I HAVE BEEN TAXED!"
They clashed in midair, sword meeting pistol in a shower of sparks. The force of their collision sent shockwaves that shattered the remaining windows.
"MY FAMILY CREST IS THE GEM OF MY CHEEEEEEST!"
Elizabeth just stood there, her brain trying to process the impossibility of what she was witnessing. The tiny rock and the tiny shark were fighting like anime characters. No—they were fighting like Devil May Cry characters.
"I AM THE STONE THAT IS APPROACHING!"
"THIS ISN'T HAPPENING!" Elizabeth screamed into the void.
"Oh, it's happening," a calm voice said from her right.
Elizabeth spun to find Hakos Baelz sitting on a couch. Well, not just any couch—a couch that was actively on fire. Flames licked up the sides and back, but Bae sat there comfortably, a bucket of popcorn in her lap, her rat tail swishing contentedly.
"BAE! The couch is on FIRE!"
"Yeah," Bae popped another kernel into her mouth, her red eyes reflecting the flames. "Sick, right?"
"SICK?! NO! NOT SICK!" Elizabeth gestured wildly at everything. "NOTHING ABOUT THIS IS SICK!"
Bae shrugged. "I mean, from a chaos perspective, this is actually premium content. Look at Biboo's form on that Judgment Cut. Chef's kiss."
As if to prove her point, Biboo vanished and reappeared behind Gura, her sword slashing in a perfect arc. Gura twisted impossibly, using her pistols to deflect while her coat billowed dramatically.
The song continued its absurd lyrics, somehow perfectly soundtracking the insanity.
"FUWAMOCO!" Elizabeth spotted the twin dogs running across what used to be the cafeteria, each carrying a bucket of water. "Thank god, someone's being sensible!"
Fuwawa threw her bucket at the burning couch. The water arced through the air.
Biboo and Gura's clash created another shockwave.
The water redirected mid-flight, splashing harmlessly against the far wall.
"BAU BAU!" Mococo threw her bucket next. Same result.
"No! No! The water needs to go on the fire!" Fuwawa grabbed another bucket from somewhere.
But everywhere they tried to douse flames, the shockwaves from the ongoing battle redirected their efforts. They were stuck in a loop of futility, their twin-tailed hair flopping with each frantic attempt.
Another explosion—this time from the kitchen area. Elizabeth's head snapped toward the sound.
She ran, hurdling over debris and dodging falling ceiling panels. The kitchen doors hung at awkward angles. Inside, she found two figures face-first in the large industrial trash bins.
"CECI?! RAORA?!"
Cecilia Immergreen's legs kicked weakly, her usual elegant composure completely demolished. Next to her, Raora Panthera's pink tail stuck straight up, trembling.
"WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU TWO?!"
With considerable effort, Elizabeth pulled Cecilia out first. The green-haired girl's face was covered in what looked like... coffee grounds and banana peels?
"We tried to stop it..." Cecilia mumbled, her usually refined British accent thick with exhaustion.
Elizabeth yanked Raora out next. The artist's face was somehow worse—smeared with marinara sauce and what might have been yesterday's curry.
"Biboo... is too strong..." Raora groaned.
"SHE'S A ROCK! A CUTE LITTLE ROCK!" Elizabeth shouted, her mind still refusing to accept reality.
"She's THE rock!" Raora corrected. "Do you know how hard diamonds are?!"
"That's not—she doesn't—THAT'S NOT HOW IDOLS WORK!"
The building shook again. This time, the entire structure groaned like a dying animal.
Elizabeth dragged both girls out of the kitchen and back into the main lobby, which had somehow gotten worse in the thirty seconds she'd been gone. Biboo and Gura were now fighting on the walls. Literally running on the walls, their coats defying gravity, weapons clashing so fast they were just blurs of blue and red.
"How..." Elizabeth started.
"Don't ask," Bae called from her burning throne. "Just enjoy the show!"
"I'M NOT ENJOYING ANYTHING!"
Mori Calliope pulled herself up from behind the recording booth, her pink hair wild, her usual reaper confidence replaced with something resembling PTSD. "Liz... we need to evacuate... now."
"EVACUATE?! We need to STOP THEM!"
"We tried!" Gigi Murin appeared, dragging Shiori Novella by her collar. Shiori's archival outfit was torn in several places, and her eyes had a thousand-yard stare. "Gigi hit Biboo with her wrench. The wrench broke."
"It was my favorite wrench..." Gigi whimpered.
"This isn't real. This is a dream. I'm still in bed." Elizabeth pinched herself. Pain confirmed this was, unfortunately, reality.
The song reached a crescendo.
Biboo landed in the center of the lobby, her coat settling around her dramatically. Gura landed opposite, pistols aimed, her shark hoodie somehow still pristine despite the chaos.
They stared each other down.
"You ready to admit I'm more motivated?" Biboo asked, a cocky grin on her face.
"Never!" Gura chambered fresh rounds. "Womp womp!"
"WOMP WOMP?!" Biboo's eye twitched. "OH, IT'S ON NOW!"
They rushed at each other.
"WAIT!" Elizabeth screamed, finally understanding with horrible clarity what was about to happen. "DON'T—"
Too late.
Biboo's coat began to glow blue. Crystalline energy crackled around her body, her eyes blazing with power. She raised her sword high.
"DEVIL TRIGGER!" she shouted.
Gura's coat erupted in red energy. Her shark features became more pronounced, her eyes glowing crimson. Both pistols lit up with power.
"DEVIL TRIGGER!" she echoed.
"OH NO—" multiple voices chorused.
The two tiny girls transformed into something out of a fever dream. Energy exploded outward from both of them, two massive auras—one blue, one red—that consumed everything in their path.
"RUN! RUUUUN!" Calliope grabbed Elizabeth by the arm.
Fuwawa and Mococo dropped their buckets. "BAU BAU BAU BAU!" (Roughly translated: OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD!)
"CALL JP BRANCH!" someone—might have been Kronii, finally extracted from the wall—shouted.
"THE ID! CALL A-CHAN!" That was IRys, flying toward the exit with Fauna clinging to her back.
"EVERY IDOL FOR THEMSELVES!" Gigi screamed, carrying both Shiori and Cecilia under her arms with strength that shouldn't have been possible for her small frame.
Elizabeth didn't need to be told twice. She ran. Everyone who could move ran. They poured out of the building like water from a burst dam.
Bae casually stood up from her burning couch, popcorn bucket still in hand. "Guess that's my cue. Chaos complete!" She sauntered toward the exit.
"BAE! HELP US GET THE OTHERS!"
"Right, right." Bae sighed but grabbed Ame and Kiara with her free hand, somehow dragging both toward safety while still eating popcorn.
The energy inside the building reached critical mass. Through the windows—the few that remained—they could see blue and red light spiraling together, mixing, creating something that looked like a miniature sun.
Elizabeth made it to the parking lot. Others were still emerging. Gigi had gone back for Mumei and Nerissa. Calliope carried three people over her shoulders. The Fuwamoco twins formed a dog chain, pulling survivors to safety.
"Is everyone out?!" Elizabeth did a head count. "Where's—"
"BAE'S STILL IN THERE!" Fauna pointed.
They all turned to see Hakos Baelz emerge from the building, walking at a leisurely pace, still eating popcorn. Behind her, the energy reached its peak.
"Bae! Run!" Elizabeth screamed.
"Nah, I got this—" Bae started.
The Hololive EN Branch Building exploded.
Not a normal explosion. This was a Devil Trigger-enhanced, motivation-fueled, absolutely-should-not-be-possible-in-real-life explosion that sent a mushroom cloud of blue and red energy spiraling into the sky.
The shockwave threw Bae forward. She landed next to the group, her popcorn bucket now empty. "Aw man, I was saving those last few kernels..."
Everyone else just stared.
The building—where they worked, where they streamed, where they created content and memories—was gone. In its place was a crater. An actual crater. Smoke rose from the epicenter in lazy spirals.
From within that smoke, two small figures emerged, walking side by side. Biboo and Gura, their coats somehow still pristine, looking pleased with themselves.
"That was fun!" Biboo chirped, back to her normal cute voice.
"Yeah! We should do this again!" Gura agreed, her shark tail wagging happily.
Silence.
Complete, absolute silence.
Until Elizabeth started laughing. Not happy laughter. The laughter of someone whose brain had finally given up trying to process reality.
"Liz?" Fauna approached cautiously. "You okay?"
"Okay? OKAY?!" Elizabeth's laughter turned into slightly unhinged giggling. "Our building is GONE! There's a CRATER! They Devil Triggered! DEVIL! TRIGGERED!"
"Yeah, uh..." Fauna pulled out her phone with remarkable calm. "I'm gonna call the ID branch. Maybe Kaela and Moona can help us rebuild this..."
"REBUILD?! FAUNA, THERE'S NOTHING TO REBUILD! IT'S A CRATER!"
"I mean, Kaela's built, like, entire Minecraft civilizations. How hard can one building be?"
Gura and Biboo walked past the shell-shocked group, high-fiving.
"Same time next week?" Biboo asked.
"Same time next week," Gura confirmed.
"THERE WILL BE NO NEXT WEEK!" Elizabeth shrieked. "YOU'RE BOTH BANNED FROM DEVIL MAY CRY!"
"Aw man..."
Bae tilted her head, looking at the crater with professional interest. "You know, as far as chaos goes, this is actually a personal best for me. And I didn't even do anything!"
"That's because you just SAT there!" Kiara groaned, finally freed from her book prison.
"Efficient chaos. That's what I call it."
Amelia pulled out her pocket watch, studied it, then sighed. "Yeah, I'm not fixing this timeline. This is staying canon."
"AME, NO!"
"I've seen the alternative timelines. Trust me, this one is actually the least destructive."
"LEAST?!"
Fauna was already on her phone. "Hey, Kaela? Yeah, it's Fauna. So... funny story. We need a construction team. Like, a big one... No, the whole building... Yes, the WHOLE building... It's complicated... Can you bring Moona? And maybe the entire ID branch? ...Thanks, you're the best."
She hung up and looked at the group. "They'll be here in three hours with supplies."
"Three hours?!" Elizabeth was stuck in a loop of disbelief.
"ID branch is efficient like that."
Nerissa finally emerged from wherever she'd been hiding, holding what looked like a singed book. Tears streamed down her face. "The historical records... the archives..."
"We had backups, right?" Mumei asked hopefully.
Everyone turned to look at Shiori, the archivist.
Shiori, still being carried by Gigi, just gave a weak thumbs up. "Cloud... storage..."
Collective sighs of relief.
"See?" Bae popped back to her feet, somehow having acquired a new bucket of popcorn from somewhere. "Everything worked out!"
"BAE! NOTHING WORKED OUT! LOOK!" Elizabeth gestured at the crater.
"Yeah, but everyone's alive, the important data is backed up, and we've got a killer story for the next stream. I call that a win."
Biboo and Gura had found a bench somehow still intact and were sitting there, swinging their legs, looking incredibly pleased with themselves.
"Hey Liz!" Biboo called out. "Wanna join next time? We could make it a three-way!"
"A THREE-WAY?! NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT! THERE WILL BE NO NEXT TIME!"
"She says that now," Gura whispered to Biboo.
"Oh totally. She'll come around."
Elizabeth collapsed onto the ground, staring at the sky. Smoke from the crater drifted overhead, forming shapes that might have been mushroom clouds or might have been her sanity finally departing.
Calliope sat down next to her. "First time?"
"First time WHAT?!"
"First time witnessing a Gura and Biboo motivation battle."
"This has happened BEFORE?!"
"Oh yeah. Why do you think we had such a big construction budget? The JP branch building has a dedicated 'Gura-Biboo Insurance Fund.'"
"Why didn't anyone TELL me?!"
"We thought you knew!" Calli shrugged. "It's like, every three months. Usually we get advance warning, but I guess they decided to surprise us this time."
IRys floated down next to them. "The song choice was good though. 'Bury the Cringe.' Catchy."
"CATCHY?! IRyS, OUR WORKPLACE EXPLODED!"
"Yeah, but you gotta admit, the production value was top-notch."
Elizabeth buried her face in her hands.
In the distance, sirens approached. Fire trucks, probably. And maybe structural engineers. And therapists. They'd need lots of therapists.
Fauna finished her second call. "Yagoo says he's not surprised and to submit the insurance claim by end of day."
"YAGOO KNOWS?!"
"Oh yeah, he's got a whole protocol for this."
The twins sat down on Elizabeth's other side.
"BAU BAU," Fuwawa said sadly. (Sorry we tried.)
"BAU BAU BAU," Mococo added. (At least the coffee shop down the street survived?)
Elizabeth started laughing again. That same unhinged, everything-is-fine-actually-no-it's-not laughter.
"I just wanted breakfast," she mumbled between giggles. "I just... wanted... breakfast..."
Bae offered her the popcorn bucket. "Want some? It's caramel."
"WHERE DO YOU KEEP GETTING POPCORN?!"
"Chaos god privileges."
Three hours later, the ID branch arrived with construction equipment, detailed blueprints, and enough building materials to reconstruct a small city. Kaela took one look at the crater, nodded, and said, "Yeah, we can fix this. Give us a week."
"A WEEK?!" Multiple voices chorused.
"Or two. Depends on if Biboo and Gura stay away."
They both looked very guilty.
As the sun set on what remained of their workplace, the entire Hololive EN branch sat on the grass of the parking lot, watching the ID branch work their construction magic.
Elizabeth had finally calmed down. Mostly. Her eye still twitched occasionally.
"So," she said slowly, "we're just... okay with this?"
"Pretty much," everyone replied in unison.
"This is normal?"
"Define normal," Ame offered.
"I hate it here."
"No you don't," Fauna smiled.
And despite everything—the crater, the explosion, the Devil Trigger transformations, the burning furniture, the absolute chaos—Elizabeth found herself smiling too.
"Yeah," she admitted. "I really don't."
Biboo and Gura high-fived again.
"Next time," Gura said, "we should try Royal Guard styles."
"DON'T YOU DARE!" Fifteen voices shouted simultaneously.
Somewhere in the distance, Yagoo sighed and adjusted the Hololive EN insurance premium. Again.