Since Subaru arrived in this world, he had never truly known the meaning of "waking up feeling well."
He was haunted by the shadows of bullets visible even with his eyes closed, nightmares of returning to that wretched morning under the sun, and the phantom pain of the fire that completely consumed his body.
However, he now felt comfortable. When he opened his eyes, searching for the reason for this feeling, he saw a pristine white ceiling that suggested cleanliness, illuminated by artificial lighting.
Being a person who naturally woke up easily, he rubbed his eyes and gradually regained full consciousness.
「... How soft.」 (Subaru)
Since he had been sleeping all the time on a hard surface (a shop surface), he felt deeply grateful for the soft pillow cushioning his head.
As he was accustomed to sleeping on a flat futon in Japan, he quickly realized he was lying on a bed.
「What a strong smell of medicine; I can smell... I can smell... It's the same scent as Sena's! Although hers was softer and much more reassuring.」 (Subaru)
As he tried to move his body, he found his arm connected to an intravenous drip (IV). This was natural considering all the blood he had lost, but he wondered what had happened to the wound he sustained.
「Hmm, oh... Is this what is called a bullet trace?」 (Subaru)
When he gently touched the wound, he found a gauze bandage over it. Upon lifting it... he saw that the flesh was only superficially abraded.
While redness from scarring still surrounded the wound, a hard, crust-like substance had covered it, and its appearance indicated it was in the recovery stage.
Subaru recalled the incident, stretching his hand to feel the corresponding point on his back (above the waist area), attempting to trace the expected straight line where the bullet would have exited.
A gauze bandage was also secured there. It seemed the wound was in the same state. Observing the growth of his light beard, he realized that time had passed, indicating that the medical technology in this world was praiseworthy.
「This is what you call a man's mark! I have left behind a heroic mark; with something like this, I will be highly sought after as a groom!」 (Subaru)
「In any case, thank God I managed to avoid the Return by Death. And the bombing by Caesar's villains... probably didn't happen, right?」 (Subaru)
It was not a matter of gambling on life or death, but he wanted to say he had won the bet. He was weary of the Return by Death.
「...」 (Subaru's sigh)
When he considered that if he died again after everything that happened, he would have to start everything from scratch... he felt nauseous. He was forced to confront the reality that he was still a prisoner in Kivotos, and the fact that he couldn't return to Japan yet.
●○●○●
Subaru remembered that Hina had pressed on his wound just before he lost consciousness and that he had managed to convey everything he wanted to say.
「Ugh... how wretched...」 (Subaru)
As he recalled everything again, including his desperate public declaration, he wondered how someone with his level of Interpersonal Skills 1 could display such ingenuity and audacity.
It was true that he had come to another world and had the urge to act in such a maniacal way, but Hina and the inhabitants of this world generally have sensibilities that are somewhat close to those of the Japanese.
If he spoke cringe-worthy phrases, his fate would be the same as what happened to him in high school. It is enough to become a lonely recluse just once.
「In any case, I must offer my thanks to everyone... This is a hospital, right? That means Hina, Aru, and her companions must have settled everything afterward, while I was lying there abjectly... --」 (Subaru)
「Ah... I wish I could return to my reclusive era. I didn't have to think about difficult matters, I slept whenever I wanted, watched anime whenever I liked, went to sleep at any time I pleased, created discussion chains, fought in forum replies, and ate in whatever posture I desired. What a great thing... No, no, I really can't say that.」 (Subaru)
He had no complaints about his days of isolation as an unemployed person. As for now, his life consists of being surrounded by this soft pillow, warm blanket, and clean sheets, waiting for a beautiful girl to feed him with her own hands.
「... This is the height of greatness!!」 (Subaru)
「-- You said all of that out loud.」 (???)
「Oh my god!!?」 (Subaru)
Someone had spoken to him. Subaru had thought he was alone in a private room, so he jumped out of his bed, jostling his intravenous drip.
Due to this, a sharp pain swept through his body, causing him to let out a faint moan (「Owwggh!!?」), then he looked around the room searching for the source of the voice.
「Welcome, Master Natsuki Subaru.」 (???)
「W-W-W-Welcome. Welcome, I am Natsuki Subaru.」
「Your speech is disjointed... Is there any defect or abnormality in your linguistic ability?」 (???)
「If only I had remembered, internet jokes (memes) don't work here... No, I'm perfectly fine, Rin, you look incredibly serious, as usual.」 (Subaru)
「... This is supposed to be the first time we meet, and I haven't told you my name.」 (Rin)
「Ah --」 (Subaru)
Subaru forgot that this was the first time he had met Nanagami Rin, with her enchanting beauty and glasses, in this particular cycle (of the Return by Death), even though it was his second encounter overall. He also told her "as usual" (as if she were someone he knew). If a man who so clearly appeared suspicious were to suffer the punishment of being dragged around town tied to a motorcycle, he would have only himself to blame.
「Huh, don't worry. I am now even more certain that you are "the one" (the person we are looking for), precisely because of this situation.」 (Rin)
「Really?」 (Subaru)
Subaru raised his voice in astonishment, wondering what element of his recent speech made her so certain.
「First, allow me to extend my sincere gratitude to you, Natsuki Subaru, both as the Chief Administrative Officer of the Federal Student Council and as the single student, Nanagami Rin.」 (Rin)
「Oh, alright.」 (Subaru)
「You rebooted the Sanctum Tower and seized its control authority, defended the Shalei clubroom to the death, quelled the conflict, and finally, activated the Shittim Box... The President of the Federal Student Council was completely right; you are the entity who will save Kivotos.」 (Rin)
"I am not that great; please don't add more to the title of the reclusive jobless person," was what Subaru wanted to say, but he was now taken aback by the results of the situation he had created, and his tongue failed him.
「Thank you very much indeed, Master Natsuki.」 (Rin)
When he saw Rin bowing her head deeply, he felt a tickle in his throat...
「... I feel itchy. I am... the kind of fool who gets childishly happy and says, "I'm awesome!" because of what I've just been told. When you speak with excessive respect, I feel guilty.」 (Subaru)
「All humans live by swimming in the ocean of life with an exhausted look and causing trouble for others! There is no need for this formality; you can approach me more spontaneously and just say, "Thank you!", alright?」 (Subaru)
「----」 (Rin)
Subaru gave Rin a thumbs-up, and at that moment... he felt that the iron mask (expressing impassivity) she wore softened... for an instant. She blinked her beautiful blue eyes behind her glasses, then smiled.
「... Fuf, well, if you say so, everyone should do whatever they deem appropriate.」 (Rin)
「Now, we have many things that you must understand, so I will explain them to you in a simplified manner. (I will explain it to you in an easily digestible way.)」 (Rin)
「I feel sorry for a patient who has just woken up, but I ask you to listen to me without falling asleep, alright?」 (Rin)
「Eh, oh, haven't your facial expressions, which were somewhat gentle, just become sterner now --!? ... Be nice to me, Ri, Rin-chan?」 (Subaru)
「Humph! And who are you calling Rin-chan? All I will do is explain to you, very politely and word by word, the results of the utter disarray you caused in just one hour.」 (Rin)
「Noooo!!?」 (Subaru)
●○●○●
The "declaration" that Subaru made to de-escalate the situation rapidly spread news of the sudden emergence of an extreme new power. This power was purportedly coming from a student club bearing the hallmarks of the Federal Student Council, situated in the heart of the D.U. (Defense Unit) Region.
All the Academies attempted to contact the Federal Student Council, resulting in severe congestion on the Council's communication lines. Everyone wondered if the missiles Subaru spoke of were real, who exactly this young man was, and why the Federal Student Council had not issued any official statement.
Natsuki Subaru's declaration caused such upheaval in Kivotos that the already stressed members of the Federal Student Council nearly died from exhaustion.
Two hours later, based on Soraki Hina's testimony, the Federal Student Council issued a statement regarding the existence of Natsuki Subaru.
「It is confirmed that Natsuki Subaru is the individual who rebooted the Sanctum Tower and regained control of it, and his statements regarding the missiles and other items he received are unfounded. The Federal Student Council (FSC) has agreed to acknowledge Natsuki Subaru's existence and place him under special protection as recognition for his service.」
「Upon his recovery of consciousness, he will be interrogated. After conducting a thorough and strict investigation, we will inform all Academies of the developments regarding his future status, so please be cautious about being swept away by further speculations and rumors. That is all.」
The statement was utterly illogical. In short, this announcement meant that... the Federal Student Council would seize Natsuki Subaru, and external parties must refrain from interference. Since the feat accomplished by Subaru was genuine, the situation only appeared as if the Federal Student Council had monopolized an enormous military power.
Furthermore, it was completely absurd that the information was announced to the public by the Federal Student Council instead of by Natsuki Subaru himself. The meeting witnessed utter chaos, as the statement failed to answer the public's questions about the reality of "that person" or the nature of his existence.
Rin then addressed the resolution of the issues related to the conflict and the attack:
「Hina... a one-week suspension—!? Wait a minute, why? Hina acted to save me...」 (Subaru)
「That is not the literal meaning of the word. It is a fact that Hina moved beyond the scope of her activity in the Autonomous Region to assist a mysterious figure. To preserve the public appearance (of the Council), some form of punishment had to be enacted.」 (Rin)
「In short, this suspension... is a way of telling her, "Please take a rest."」 (Rin)
「... Is that acceptable? The Gehenna region has a terrible reputation; if Hina is suspended, violence will run rampant among the delinquents there.」 (Subaru)
「... We will ask the rest of the Prefect Team to do their utmost.」 (Rin)
「What kind of non-plan plan is that (There is absolutely no plan)!?」 (Subaru)
The Calamity Fox remains at large, and the Hot Springs Development Department has also returned to Gehenna and is still on the run.
As for the Valkyrie Police, they were not to blame, as they were merely performing their usual duties. However, the student who likely shot Subaru due to reckless behavior is expected to come and apologize later, accompanied by the Director of the Public Safety Bureau.
The Defense Bureau Director, meanwhile, was penalized with a fine and the submission of a 1,000-page Essay of Repentance for unauthorized use and damage to a transport helicopter. Although Soraki Hina indicated a connection between her and Caesar, the matter was concluded with that punishment for the time being due to a clear lack of evidence.
This measure, however, was temporary; the Defense Bureau Director was placed under comprehensive scrutiny and review by the entire Federal Student Council (FSC), and a strict management system will be imposed on her subsequent movements.
Nevertheless, a much larger problem was burdening the Federal Student Council:
「-- The major problem currently surrounding Kivotos is...」 (Rin)
「Caesar's Private Military Company (PMC) was assigned full responsibility for that attack and was disowned by the main Caesar Group. This resulted in the outcast company becoming an independent terrorist organization. In other words, the "Lizard's Tail" has begun to move on its own. Currently, the [war] with them continues beneath the surface.」 (Rin)
「If their clandestine preparations are complete, they will cause a large-scale internal conflict that will drag all of Kivotos into it. There were suspicious movements from them previously, and during the six-month period when the Federal Student Council President disappeared, their military strength continued to expand.」 (Rin)
「As a signal to commence the war, the terrorist organization, which names its leader the Caesar PMC Director, has declared that it will destroy one Academy. Their ultimate goal is to obtain Natsuki Subaru himself.」 (Rin)
The two Academies, Gehenna and Trinity, remained silent. Millennium, however, had already established its own defensive system since the Federal Student Council President disappeared. Every Academy is now constructing its own response, and Kivotos is on the verge of internal collapse.
The breakdown of Kivotos has become imminent; the six months during which the FSC President, described as a "Superhuman," was lost created an extremely significant void.
「Huh --?」 (Subaru)
Subaru could only respond to these words with something resembling a sigh.
True, Subaru had made the declaration and told the Caesar group, "I am your enemy."
-- But he absolutely did not anticipate this outcome.
A war because of a word Subaru said? The destruction of an Academy? And what exactly is a Private Military Company (PMC)? What kind of company is it? He was foolish to expect, while lying in the hospital as "that person," that he might perhaps inherit the legacy of the Federal Student Council President.
Is this his responsibility? Did this happen because he shouted that declaration just to stay alive?
「-- That is the reality, Sir.」 (Rin)
「...」 (Subaru)
「I do not believe this is your fault, and many people share that opinion... but this is simply a consequence of the action you took.」 (Rin)
「Who exactly you are, where you came from, what you do, why you were able to operate the Shittim Box, why the Federal Student Council President chose you, and why you spoke with Caesar as if you were predicting the future and clearly stood against them.」 (Rin)
「All these answers lie only within you. We cannot assist you without knowing anything.」 (Rin)
「... Fuf -- Do you understand now? The extent of the precarious situation you are in, Master Natsuki.」 (Rin)
「...」 (Subaru)
「We could offer you assistance, but relying on us will make proving your identity to Kivotos insufficient.」 (Rin)
「Are you an enemy, a villain, a benevolent force, or none of the above? The person who will determine how Natsuki is received in Kivotos is Natsuki himself.」 (Rin)
「I realize that this position is very harsh given the circumstances, but we do not believe anyone other than you can solve this problem.」 (Rin)
「Natsuki Subaru, if you truly are "the one," then would you please...」 (Rin)
「... Prove that you are "the one" who will save us... no, save the entirety of Kivotos?」 (Rin)
●○●○●
「...」 (Subaru)
「...」 (Subaru)
Subaru shook the intravenous drip apparatus, which was mounted on a wheeled stand, that followed him as he moved.
While staring at the decorations hanging in the hallway, Subaru began counting his defeat scenarios with a sigh.
The view from the building's tall glass window was breathtaking, possessing a magnificence that underscored the sheer size of the Academy City. The decorations and printed posters featured geometric patterns, especially the advertisements that seemed to be the responsibility of Millennium, which he would look at and say to himself: "Hmm, I don't understand a single word they are saying; does this advertisement even make any sense?" Then he would complain about the high educational threshold in this world.
「Well, stopping the weakness and turning positive... is not something I can say right now...」 (Subaru)
There was no longer any option to retreat from his request after reaching the end of this long corridor (while en route to his destination). Rin had granted Subaru freedom of action, but he had persistently insisted and complained until he was permitted to come to "that place" in Shalei. His destination is singular, yet the problems are piling up like mountains.
「I have no sense of reality about this; are we genuinely on the brink of war? They are putting so much responsibility on one unemployed person! What kind of world is this... When you protect one Academy, they ask you to protect all of them? Even exploitative companies are kinder to their new hires.」 (Subaru)
When he thought about it calmly, he realized after walking a short distance that the fate of the world had been placed in his hands during the few hours he was asleep. This level of debt exceeds the expectations of financial fraudsters, so he quietly shut the door on those memories.
「But even so...」 (Subaru)
What he recalls now are the few times he experienced the Return by Death when he gave up on everything and despaired.
That moment when he shrugged off the responsibility for everything he had seen and the opportunities he had been given, scowled, and closed his eyes to escape reality.
-- Nothing whatsoever improved as a result.
He continued to die, and everyone else continued to be miserable.
Of course, the current situation is different from that time. Subaru will not die immediately tomorrow, and nothing needs to be solved that will perish tomorrow. He still has plenty of time, and it is likely that everything will resolve itself while he escapes reality.
Therefore, he should just escape. Rin told him the responsibility was not his, and if he had to prove his existence, then he should prove to everyone that he is "utterly useless."
He recognizes that he is a coward, arrogant, and a clown who incites disgust with his frequent slips of the tongue and tendency to cause trouble. He realizes that Natsuki Subaru alone can do nothing, and that he is merely a hindrance to others.
「In that case! Wouldn't they all give up relying on me and stand on their own two feet? I'm sure Hina will help me correct the misunderstanding about myself. No one will want a fool like me who is defeated by a single bullet.」 (Subaru)
What a feeling of utter misery.
「...」 (Subaru's sigh)
「Because of my recovery after half a day of sleep, the serious realist Subaru inside me is raging wildly.」 (Subaru)
Yes, it is a miserable feeling. The emotion that struck Subaru fiercely, again and again, whenever he surrendered and used Return by Death, was a sense of wretchedness.
He was wretched, being an unemployed person who could do nothing. He was wretched due to his inability to adapt to society and because of his anger.
He was wretched, for he had not changed even after coming to another world. He was wretched for repeatedly undergoing the Return by Death.
And when he surrendered during those times...
He turned his face away from the people he could have saved, felt defeated because no one validated his suffering, and his feeling of wretchedness transformed into "despair" that choices were being granted to him for no reason, and he could do nothing.
The persona of A.M.S., known as the "Absolute Serious Realist Subaru," was born after this despair was planted in his heart.
This could be called Trauma.
「... I will not give up again, and I do not want to see Hina and the others sad.」 (Subaru)
The casters emitted a sound, and Subaru walked down the hallway, leaning on the IV stand.
He does not want to surrender; he has no reason to surrender. Subaru only has reasons to persevere.
Even if this feeling was imposed upon him by someone else.
「Save Kivotos, that is what the Federal Student Council President asked, correct? She left behind so many problems that I will be crushed under their weight.」 (Subaru)
Subaru grumbled, then stood before the official door—not the emergency stairwell entrance he had used previously—and opened it.
Subaru stood at the crossroads of fate, facing the reason for the repetition of his Return by Death.
「... Teach me everything?」 (Subaru)
「Arona.」 (Subaru)
「Welcome back, Natsuki Subaru.」 (Arona)
「I am A.R.O.N.A., the main Operating System of the Shittim Box and the personal AI assistant for Natsuki Subaru.」 (Arona)
「This is our fourth encounter, Subaru-sama.」 (Arona)
「...--」 (Subaru)
___________________
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