「...」
In Subaru's convention, "Return by Death" was an absolute power.
How many times had he greeted the same morning? How many times had he heard the same sentences? He knew literally every word Rin would say upon her visit.
Apart from the bullet fired at him, everything else was an experience Subaru had already lived through. The patrol routes of the "Helmet Gang," the attack locations of the Kaiser group, and even his dialogue with Takanashi Hoshino, in which he had scored a perfect 100.
Return by Death is absolute to that extent, and such inevitability should have been enough to make a "nobody" like Subaru someone special.
Suppressing the trembling of his hands, he answered Hina's call.
「H-Hello...」 (Subaru)
"... You are Natsuki Subaru, correct?" (Hina)
「...?? Yes, that's me... Hah! Could it be that "Hina-tan," my super cute heroine with silky hair, suddenly missed me and called?」 (Subaru)
"... Haaah, good, it is undoubtedly you." (Hina)
「I'm not convinced by the part that convinced you??」 (Subaru)
"You are the one acting strangely... calling me and then hanging up silently; don't make me worry about you." (Hina)
「...... ── A phone call? Wait, hold on a second, Hina.」 (Subaru)
"Eh... ──" (Hina)
He hung up and quickly checked the call history.
「...!」 (Subaru)
Sure enough, there was a record of an outgoing call to Sorasaki Hina. Strangely, the call originated from Subaru's end, even though he had no memory of making it whatsoever.
── Could it be...? The worst possibility crossed his mind.
Return by Death is a transfer between world lines—a shift to a parallel world. Does this mean there is no guarantee that the new world is identical to the previous one...?
No, wait; if that were the case, the Mapping he had done so far would make no sense. What is it? What is the reason for ──
「Natsuki Subaru-sama.」 (Arona)
「Ah, Arona?」 (Subaru)
As his eyes wavered with scattered thoughts, Arona's slightly distorted voice reached him from the mobile phone.
「You suffered greatly in your 176th return, and I apologize for this action... It may seem presumptuous of me, but I utilized the functions of Subaru-sama's phone to contact Sorasaki Hina.」 (Arona)
「... Why?」 (Subaru)
「I am "Arona" (A.R.O.N.A), the main operating system of the Shittim Chest and your support AI, Subaru-sama. If your various attempts to address the situation do not bear fruit, it is my duty as an intelligent support to propose solutions to break the deadlock.」 (Arona)
「......... And what does Hina have to do with this? She is currently suspended (under house arrest) and I cannot drag her into this situation.」 (Subaru)
「── Negative.」 (Arona)
「If you ask for help, she will not abandon you.」 (Arona)
「... ────」 (Subaru)
But, this makes me feel ashamed and pathetic...
Ordinary, clichéd thoughts floated to the surface.
It was too late for that—truly too late. From the beginning, he had made Hina abandon her patrols and the battlefronts she should have attended.
Nevertheless, Subaru asked her to accompany him, pleading for help, and she responded to that.
「Another call is coming in from Sorasaki Hina-sama. Shall I answer?」 (Arona)
「...」 (Subaru)
「... Connect the line, please.」 (Subaru)
「Roger.」 (Arona)
This time, he placed the phone gently against his ear with a steady hand.
Through the rough, mechanical audio of the old phone—whose functions were vastly inferior to the smartphones of this world—a voice was heard...
"Subaru, are you alright?" (Hina)
A sweet, gentle voice.
「... I'm fine.」 (Subaru)
「That's right... haha, I'm perfectly fine.」 (Subaru)
"... Haaah, I'm coming to you immediately. I found out the name of the hospital, so stay put quietly." (Hina)
「Heh? W-why...?」 (Subaru)
"Who would believe the phrase 'I'm fine' when it's said in a crying voice?" (Hina)
「──」 (Subaru)
Was I crying? Crying... Oh, right, because of the crying fit just moments ago...
「A-Ah! No! I can't cause you trouble, Hina. I'll come to you.」 (Subaru)
"Don't be stupid. I'm not so insensitive as to drag around a patient who was just shot. So, see you." (Hina)
「W-Wait! Heeeey!?」 (Subaru)
The connection cut off again. He was happy she worried about him, but it pained him to burden her with all this trouble.
He eagerly tried to remove the IV drip, and when his hand touched the needle... suddenly, his gaze fell upon the scene outside the window.
A blue sky, no different from usual. Well, the phrase "no different" might make him want to scold himself, saying "Really?" due to that gigantic Halo floating in the sky, but overall, it was an ordinary blue sky.
Since it is a different world, there are no twin suns or moons, nor mysterious buildings floating in the air (other than the Halo); it is truly a simple blue sky.
And at the end of it, he saw a small purple speck.
「Hmmmm?」 (Subaru)
「Hmmmmmmm??」 (Subaru)
When he squinted to see clearly...
「... That's Hina... isn't it?」 (Subaru)
Hina is flying... No, no, no, no!?
「Whoaaaa!?!?」 (Subaru)
The purple and white mass hurtling at breakneck speed approached rapidly until it arrived right in front of the hospital window.
Thinking she would crash, Subaru shut his eyes tight. Even knowing she wouldn't collide, any human would reflexively close their eyes upon seeing an object rushing toward their vision.
A few seconds passed, and when he opened his eyes, reassured that the expected crash hadn't occurred... Hina was there, tapping "knock-knock" on the hospital window.
「A-I'll open it, I'll open it... Hup.」 (Subaru)
When he opened the window, a beautiful little bird entered. She wore a coat giving a strict impression that contrasted with her fluffy white hair, and underneath, a loose white shirt suggested a princess from a fairy tale.
However he thought about it, she was an "Angel of Angels." When she shed the aura of the serious worker overflowing from her uniform, Hina's true cuteness emerged like a small angel.
Subaru felt his heart beat with doubled intensity before this "Gap Moe," to the point that her entry defying logic completely slipped from his mind, filling the void with her beauty and cuteness.
「I'm intruding.」 (Hina)
「── Hina, you flew, didn't you?」 (Subaru)
「I wasn't flying, just gliding (aerial skiing).」 (Hina)
「Gliding, wait, wait... ── Hmm? Did you jump to this height under your own power?」 (Subaru)
「Yes.」 (Hina)
「Eeeeh~... E-Eeeeh~...?」 (Subaru)
「... I know this behavior lacks a bit of decorum, but.」 (Hina)
「Not just a bit at all! Kivotos is truly a wonderland of demons (a superhuman environment) to an astonishing degree!?」 (Subaru)
「You are under special surveillance and protection now, Subaru. If I went to the hospital reception, they wouldn't let me in anyway...」 (Hina)
「Ugh... F-Fine... My complicated situation is the cause of all this trouble, on top of causing your suspension (house arrest).」 (Subaru)
「Don't worry about it. It was done after an understanding with Nanagami Rin... and with her consent.」 (Hina)
He tried to remove the IV drip to move more easily and welcome her into the room, but she shot him a terrifying glare that made him settle down immediately... He lay on the bed, and Hina sat on the chair beside him.
There was no way to know if Subaru was the only one feeling flustered with a racing heart, or if this agitation stemmed from something other than guilt. As they conversed, the room door opened.
「Good grief, Mr. Natsuki... ── !?」 (Rin)
「I'm intruding.」 (Hina)
「Sorasaki Hina... Did Mr. Natsuki summon you?」 (Rin)
「Hmm, you could say yes, and you could say no? Ah, but I have something I want to discuss... Could you leave us alone for a bit, Rin?」 (Subaru)
「── I understand. I have many things to inquire about, but I have no objection to your choice.」 (Rin)
「However, do not forget, Sorasaki Hina is currently suspended... When she leaves the room, please exercise extreme caution, as we also have a political stance to consider.」 (Rin)
●○●○●
「... Subaru.」 (Hina)
After things had settled down, and she had arranged the gift apples on the shelf... Hina took the initiative to address Subaru.
「W-What is it?」 (Subaru)
「I am glad you woke up.」 (Hina)
Saying that, she reached out from her chair and gently stroked the gauze taped to Subaru's abdomen.
「In the end, I exposed you to danger... and caused you a scar that won't disappear.」 (Hina)
「Oh, it seems what I said before I pathetically passed out wasn't enough?」 (Subaru)
「... No, it was enough... but, only two days have passed since you arrived in Kivotos, yet I made you face 'guns'.」 (Hina)
Two days, true; only... two days had passed. Subaru realized this only now.
With Return by Death, it feels as though three to five months have elapsed, but ultimately, they were merely days consumed in trial and error.
Day after day, wasted in vain.
「The 'common sense' of Kivotos' gun society... must hold a terror for you that I cannot describe.」 (Hina)
「Even if there is another reason for your tears, the fact that a 'bullet' pierced your body... is something you should not accept easily.」 (Hina)
「... Perhaps, that is so.」 (Subaru)
Maybe it is, or rather, maybe it "was."
But now, it no longer mattered.
「...」 (Hina)
「── Subaru.」 (Hina)
Hina grasped the hand of Subaru lying on the bed.
「Hmm?」 (Subaru)
「You, what are you apologizing for?」 (Hina)
「─── Huh?」 (Subaru)
It was a sudden question, the same one Rin had asked him once, dozens of attempts ago.
But now, it wasn't like that time when he blurted out apologies in a panic. Subaru said nothing now, revealing nothing on the surface.
「... Apologizing? Suddenly... what do you mea──」 (Subaru)
「Don't look away from me.」 (Hina)
「...」 (Subaru)
「... Subaru, your expressions truly give you away. If you have something to hide, you can't hide it, and if you're in trouble, distress is written all over your face.」 (Hina)
「Heh, heeeh~? Am I that easy to read? I am the great Subaru of a hundred faces, undefeated and invincible in a staring contest!」 (Subaru)
「Oh, really? Just a moment ago, you looked like a child about to be scolded by his mother, a child searching for an excuse to apologize. Did you break a vase or something?」 (Hina)
「A child who broke a vase and awaits scolding!? Even those old clichés aren't heard anymore these days... Mgh!」 (Subaru)
「Don't dodge with jokes.」 (Hina)
It seemed she had been cutting the gift apples, and before he knew it, she stuffed a rabbit-shaped apple slice into his mouth.
Her violet eyes stared at him, but her gaze held none of the intimidation from the beginning; instead, it overflowed with affection.
「... Only half a day has passed since I met Subaru, and I don't recall doing anything to deserve that look from you. Are you hiding something?」 (Hina)
「Ah~... Umm, ... sorry, I can't talk about it.」 (Subaru)
「Is it because it would cause me trouble? Or because it would pain Subaru to talk about it? Can you tell me which reason made you wear that face?」 (Hina)
「Ugh... ──」 (Subaru)
He was helpless against this calm logic. It had been like this from the start; no matter how hard Subaru tried to hide something, Hina saw right through it, and she only overlooked it out of consideration for him—consideration he had taken advantage of.
「At the very least, if I think about your state when you tried so hard to tell me 'I want you to help me'... ──」 (Hina)
「Time out, time out!! You're harsh! Hey, go easy on me a little... please, Hina...」 (Subaru)
「...... Alright.」 (Hina)
「It's not that I'll cause you trouble, so... no digging deeper... can I use that card again?」 (Subaru)
「... ──」 (Hina)
The answer was "No," her eyes replied.
But it seemed she would allow it if he truly refused to speak.
「... Understood.」 (Hina)
Now, Hina showed Subaru kindness once again. There was no need to debate whether this was spoiling him or not.
「...」 (Subaru)
「Hina is...」 (Subaru)
「── Hina is amazing.」 (Subaru)
「Hina is truly an amazing person, I guarantee it. In my entire life... Ah, except for my dad and mom, you are the most wonderful person.」 (Subaru)
「... ── Fufu, even though we've only met for half a day?」 (Hina)
「Yeah, after all, things I realized were incredibly difficult only after trying them myself, you do as a matter of course. So, I respect you beyond admiration; I actually feel awe at your greatness.」 (Subaru)
「What is... that thing?」 (Hina)
Now he could say it with confidence. The thing she, as a member of the Disciplinary Committee, practiced naturally and had granted to Subaru naturally.
「'Helping people.'」 (Subaru)
「I realized that 'helping' is extremely difficult. perhaps you too, Hina... face a lot of things during your work in the Disciplinary Committee, don't you?」 (Subaru)
Normally, no one would understand what this newcomer to Kivotos, who had been asleep the whole time and just woke up, was saying.
But between them now lay the "no digging deeper" rule, so Hina simply answered his question.
「That's right, yes ──」 (Hina)
「There are many things. Sometimes you help a chased child, only to discover the reason is their involvement in black market offenses. Countless times, complaints or even guns have been directed at me by those I helped.」 (Hina)
「Even after solving a problem, another appears. Even with children I know aren't bad at heart, our values might not align... There are those who blow up a restaurant just because 'the staff's attitude and the food taste were bad.'」 (Hina)
「What a dangerous person.」 (Subaru)
「Yes.」 (Hina)
His simple, calm comment seemed strangely funny now.
A faint smile emerged between them, and they ate another apple slice to settle the conversation.
「I am... ── a failure at helping people. Whenever I think of saving someone, I end up losing more things, and what I lose isn't mine alone.」 (Subaru)
「Is that the reason for that face you were showing?」 (Hina)
「Kind of, yes.」 (Subaru)
「... ──」 (Hina)
「True, it might be difficult for you, Subaru.」 (Hina)
「... You're right. I'm not eloquent, I don't have a weapon, and I don't have anything special like you, Hina ──」 (Subaru)
「That's not what I mean, Subaru.」 (Hina)
「Not that, you mean... ──」 (Subaru)
While Subaru seemed puzzled by her meaning, Hina continued ──
「I... by virtue of my position, help people I don't know. Children whose names and backgrounds I know nothing about.」 (Hina)
「So, it is natural that I face rejection. When I help someone, I always think that this might be 'meddling.'」 (Hina)
「B-But that's very disheartening, isn't it...?」 (Subaru)
「True. It is often said that 'even receiving help requires readiness,' but when I see someone forcing me to act to help them... I feel a little urge to complain.」 (Hina)
「However.」 (Hina)
「Sometimes I meet people like you (Subaru).」 (Hina)
「... ──」 (Subaru)
「That is why I want to continue in the Disciplinary Committee, and precisely for that reason, I think it doesn't suit you, Subaru. You are too kind... You are a person who pours all his feelings into the other party, so the more you reach out to help, the more you fail.」 (Hina)
「Because you try to empathize even with the reasons driving them to refuse help.」 (Hina)
"Mutual Understanding" is a beautiful word. Compromising and deepening mutual understanding reduces conflicts and builds good relationships.
── But sometimes, "Mutual Understanding" means touching places that should not be touched, touching the wounds of that person's life.
If it were a very close friend, you might distance yourself, comfort them, or take different reactions, while simultaneously empathizing with them.
To put yourself in the other's place, project your life onto them, and understand them deeply before... touching that wound.
Here, individual values intervene, and conclusions differ. What if you deepen your understanding, and the result is that your conclusions are different?
That will birth a greater wound.
「There are times when you must extend your hand in response to a cry of 'Save me.' What Subaru is apologizing for... is surely the wounds born in that moment, and everything lost because of them.」 (Hina)
「But, there are times when stopping what doesn't suit you is best.」 (Hina)
「... You mean I should give up? Abandon everyone, even though it's something only I can do... run away and curl up on myself?」 (Subaru)
「Not that, but rather that there is a way that suits Subaru too.」 (Hina)
「A way, that suits me ──?」 (Subaru)
「'I want you to help me, help me, I want you to save me, Natsuki Subaru.'」 (Hina)
「'── In order for me to help someone else.'」 (Hina)
「That, was the figure of you I saw at the beginning.」 (Hina)
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Read 16 chapters ahead on my p.a.t.r.e.o.n : Raven737