"Heh."
Kyōraku Shunsui let out a chuckle, unfazed. He took a light sip of sake and said warmly,
"Drinking alone? What's the point? It's always better when there's laughter and conversation. Don't you think?"
"What do you know? Laughing and chatting?"
Shirō Emiya snapped irritably. "I'm neck-deep in stress right now. Who the hell feels like joking around?"
Shunsui blinked, unsure how to respond, he was just wondering how to strike up a conversation with the kid when Shirō, already buzzed from the alcohol, suddenly grabbed him by the shoulder.
"Whatever. May as well talk to you. I swear, if I don't let this out, I'll explode!"
With a heavy sigh, Shirō downed the rest of his drink in one gulp.
Shunsui smiled and refilled his cup, curiosity piqued.
"Go on then, I'm listening. Maybe I can help you figure something out."
"I mean, I always thought I was a pretty seasoned guy," Shirō began, looking utterly distressed. He thumped the table.
"I've seen some things, been around the block… but this? This is on a whole different level!"
Shunsui struggled to keep a straight face. The way Shirō said it, he sounded like an old veteran of life. What could possibly have happened to make him like this?
Was it a fight with some brat? Did he get chewed out by his parents? Or maybe he lost one of his precious little "treasures"?
"If someone kept messing with you nonstop," Shirō began seriously, "bullying you, scheming against you day in and day out, what would you do?"
Shunsui, never one to turn down idle gossip, humored him.
"If you're a man, you fight back, of course!" he said. "You punch them in the face! If you can't win now, you keep training until you can! Don't just sit and take it!"
"I could deal with that," Shirō said wearily, "but the thing is… she's my boss. A noble princess. The eldest daughter of a damn aristocratic family!"
He banged the table again and drained another cup.
Shunsui's smile faltered.
"Ah… yeah. Dealing with someone like that can be… tricky. Especially if your boss is, uh, that kind of person…"
He trailed off. What could he even say?
Just grin and bear it? Let yourself be bullied? What kind of advice was that to give a kid?
Shirō poured himself more sake, exhaling heavily.
"Now imagine this: someone chases you around with a sword, yelling about how they're going to kill you. And they actually do it, almost split me in half! What would you do?"
Shunsui's eyelid twitched. He hadn't expected the kid to have gone through something so violent. He chose his words carefully.
"And… who was that person to you?"
Shirō sighed. "She's my fiancée."
Shunsui almost choked.
This kid's life… it was making him question all his years of experience. He felt like he'd lived for nothing, never once had his life been this dramatic.
Shirō downed another cup, his tolerance already fading fast. He thumped the table again.
"I mean seriously, if you've already been nearly cut to pieces, and then someone else joins in just to make it worse, like full-blown torture levels, what do you even do at that point?!"
Shunsui coughed on his drink, eyes watering.
"I, uh… who is this other person?"
"She's always been a goddess in my eyes…" Shirō said dreamily, eyes half-lidded and voice dripping with melancholy. "Like a gentle older sister… soothing my wounds… healing my heart…"
He tilted his head up at a dramatic forty-five-degree angle, staring off into the distance like some tragic romantic hero.
Shunsui gave him a sympathetic pat.
"Well, you know who I am. Don't worry, I'll help you. I'll talk to them and get them to back off."
Just as he was about to say something humble, Shirō cut him off again.
"Oh, by the way, that shameless flirt who chases women all over the Seireitei, he's you, right?"
Shunsui's hand froze mid-air.
"…Wait, what?"
Had his bad reputation really spread that far? He was pretty sure people knew him more for being a Squad Captain than a skirt-chaser… right?
"…Okay," he said, waving a hand. "Not gonna lie, you're on your own for this one. I, I really don't think I can help you here."
"But you said you'd help!" Shirō protested. "C'mon, you haven't even heard the names yet!"
"…Alright then," Shunsui sighed. "Tell me."
"My fiancée's name," Shirō said slowly, "is Suì-Fēng."
Shunsui nodded, visibly relieved.
"Alright. Never heard of her. Maybe this won't be so bad."
"My boss… is Yoruichi Shihōin."
Shunsui stiffened.
Oh no.
He should've known. That kind of chaotic energy? That kind of dangerous "sense of humor"?
Of course it was Yoruichi!
He tried not to visibly panic, but his scalp was already tingling.
There was no way she'd listen to reason. Hell, talking to her might only make things worse.
"And the last one," Shirō continued, "you probably know her very well."
Shunsui blinked.
"Her name… is Retsu Unohana."
Shunsui spat his sake out in a choking spray.
"Wha, whaaat?! Lady… Lady Unohana?!"
He reeled.
He had thought maybe it was someone from Squad 4, some gentle young medic or something… but Unohana?!
This kid's "big sister"… was that big sister?
Shunsui sank into the seat, utterly defeated.
Nope. Not touching that.
He'd rather poke a hollow in the eye than get in the middle of that situation.
"I take it back," he said gravely. "There's nothing I can do. You're on your own, kid."
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150 P.S = 1 Extra Chapter