"Watch him closely. I'll be back shortly."
With that curt command, Unohana Retsu picked up her blade and walked out the door.
"Wait, wait, wait, ! At least let me explain!" Shirō Emiya shouted after her, thinking she'd found evidence to expose his lies.
"I don't need evidence for something like this."
Unohana's voice floated back, calm and unshakable.
As expected of an old-school senior. Teaching a younger generation a lesson wasn't the same as committing a crime, did she need to justify herself?
And so, among all the captains in the Gotei 13, there was no one less willing to see Shirō Emiya than Unohana. Even if he wanted to meet her to explain himself, the response would be:
"Captain Unohana is unavailable."
"She's resting."
"She's out on official business."
Or simply: "She's not seeing visitors."
Fortunately, Yadōmaru Lisa often opened a side gate for him, sneaking him into Squad Eight unnoticed.
Now, to be clear, Shirō wasn't sneaking into Squad Eight to be her lab rat. Every time he showed up, he was hiding, from Yoruichi.
Why? Because nobody, absolutely nobody, would suspect that he'd dare to hide inside Kyōraku Shunsui's squad grounds. It was the perfect cover.
Of course, favors like that didn't come for free.
Lisa might help him out of kindness at first, but it didn't take long for it to turn into playful blackmail. And while Shirō would pay the price for those favors, let's just say… it's better not to elaborate on what that price was.
Let's just say: it was expensive.
So, unless he had no other choice, Shirō usually avoided going to Squad Eight.
But if Yoruichi was involved?
Yeah… "no choice" came around pretty often.
At the Emiya Residence,
"Master, are you sure this is okay…?"
Shirō's personal maid asked cautiously from the side.
"It's perfectly fine! What's the big deal? It's just one day off!"
Shirō was lounging with his legs crossed, sipping from a wine glass.
Finally free from hospital beds, he had decided to skip class for the first time.
He'd barely healed, and what, go get chopped up again by Soi Fon? No thanks.
Even now, Shirō still hadn't come up with a solid plan to deal with both Soi Fon and Yoruichi, two incredibly annoying women.
"You're sure this is okay…?" the maid asked again, whispering this time.
"No worries! I was injured, right? I'm taking sick leave. Totally legit!"
Shirō waved her off and took another sip.
He glanced outside.
"…It's spring already? Even the cats are getting frisky," he muttered,
And then suddenly jumped up.
"Wait. Cat?!"
Sure enough, there was a black cat crouched in the corner of the wall.
The moment it realized Shirō had spotted it, the cat flinched, then turned to run.
"Stop right there!!"
With a yell, Shirō vanished in a blur of motion, his movement rivaling shunpo, and reappeared right next to the black cat, grabbing it by the scruff.
"Meow! Meow~!"
The cat squirmed furiously in his grip.
"Still trying to play dumb?! Yoruichi, quit pretending. I know it's you. Even if you turned to ash, I'd recognize you!"
So, the idea that she'd sneak over in cat form to spy on him after he ditched class?
Yeah. That totally tracked.
"Meow! Meow~!"
The black cat kept struggling.
"Heh… Still acting? Let's see how long you can keep this up."
Shirō grinned darkly and began to tickle the cat's belly.
"Meow! MEOW?!"
The cat yowled in protest.
"Wow, you're actually holding it in? That's impressive!"
Shirō was genuinely surprised, he knew Yoruichi was super ticklish.
"In that case, don't blame me for going further!"
He spread the cat's paws apart, exposing the fluffy belly and started rubbing again.
With a wicked grin, he teased:
"If you still don't speak up… I might have to check your private parts, you know~?"
"MEOW!!!"
"Oh-ho? Still not giving in? I gotta hand it to you, Yoruichi, I'm impressed. But don't think I'll stop now!"
Just as he was about to go full chaos,
"Shirō, what do you think you're doing?"
A woman's voice came from above.
"HA! Yoruichi! You finally broke character!"
Shirō grinned triumphantly at the cat in his hands, then froze.
His smile cracked.
He slowly turned toward the wall, where the real Yoruichi was perched.
"Y-Yoruichi?!" he stammered.
"Yeah? You were calling my name so loudly. What's up?" she said, arms crossed.
Shirō looked back at the cat in his hands.
"Meow… meow~"
The innocent black cat stared up at him, eyes wide with betrayal.
That look. That pitiful mewl.
It was like a slap to the face.
"I can't believe this… You're into that kind of thing?! You freak!"
Yoruichi gasped dramatically.
"No! It's not what you think!!"
Shirō panicked and tried to hide the cat behind his back,
But it was too late. She saw everything. And hiding it now just made it worse.
Even the maid looked like she was about to call the asylum.
'Oh no. Master's finally lost it.'
"Aww, Shirō… You missed me so much you started abusing animals just to cope? That's… kind of sad."
Yoruichi's voice softened mockingly, like she genuinely pitied him.
"Tch."
Shirō turned away.
Was he mad at her? Of course!
Would he say it out loud? Of course not.
He turned his back on her and resumed petting the poor black cat.
"Meow~"
Sensing his gentle touch, the cat nuzzled into his hand.
Sigh…
Same black cat, same soft fur.
But what a difference in attitude.
This one was at least grateful when treated kindly.
Yoruichi? She'd just kick him the next day.
"…Why didn't you come to class today?"
Yoruichi asked quietly.
" ... "
Still ignoring her.
"You know… not seeing you for a day made me miss you," she said playfully.
"Well, I didn't miss you," he muttered back.
"Aww~ are you mad?"
She poked his back with a finger.
"Hey~ Shirō~ Shiro-chan~ Emiya-kun~ My little Shirō~"
"Don't call me like we're close!!" he snapped.
"What's wrong? You don't wanna play with me anymore? You don't like me now?"
Yoruichi pretended to sound hurt.
"That's right!" Shirō shouted.
"Well then… What about your fiancée? You don't care about her either?"
Yoruichi prodded again.
"Don't care. She's yours now. I bet she'd be thrilled to join you!"
Shirō waved dismissively.
"Are you even a man?!" Yoruichi shouted.
"I'm a boy," Shirō replied smugly, shoulders raised like a brat.
"Shirō, Emiya, You listen here!"
Yoruichi screamed.
"I'm seriously, mad, this, time!!"
And with that, she turned on her heel and vanished over the wall.
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150 P.S = 1 Extra Chapter