"WHERE DO WE START?"
"I thought that the last time you said that we wouldn't do this again", Angel #1 said with a heavy sigh at the end, Theodore ran his fingers through his hair, "I thought so too, but here we are", he said with dismay, he grabbed a book out of his red bag.
"I guess our help didn't make any difference", Angel #2 said with a closer approach to him, Theodore took a deep breath, "I know that this looks unhealthy, I'm tired too but I wrote another book when I was trying to get through this", Theodore said as he flips the first page.
"We're listening..", Angel #1 said, Theodore looked all three of them and he realised that he had their undivided attention, "Okay, here it goes", he said and he proceeded to read his words out loud.
"I THOUGHT I WAS DONE"
I guess we'll never hear the end of this, I guess this is just another flaw that I get to live with, seems like it's a "If I can't have you, I'll settle for the ghost of you and love you in distance", I'm such a sucker for love, I thought I was done.
She's got a new man in her life, she's grown up from the young girl she was 2 years ago but somehow I'm still stuck in the past, everytime she puts up a photo, I fall back into the adoration of her and everytime I hear from her, it still does something to my weak heart.
At this point, I just wanna erase every memory of her but then I get sentimental and take back my wish, it's just not healthy to love somebody this much, especially when they're not a part of your life anymore.
I don't give a single fuck if she's been doing better than me, we're cut from two different cloths, she's my only love and the last 18 months have been vivid proof of what losing whom you love does to you.
I guess we'll never hear the end of this, still got my closest parts reserved for her, including my love, as if she's gonna come back one day, I guess that's what being in love does, it blinds you and leads you out of reality.
I really thought I was done loving her.
"Keep Going"
Theodore paused.. Angel #3 stood up and walked to the window to close the curtains, Theodore spoke, "That's the beginning of what..", Angel #3 interrupted him, "Keep going Theodore", he flipped the page and then he resumed to reading.
"AUTUMN"
The spring is here and everything is blooming, but I'm still living in autumn, my leaves are falling all over the windy grounds. I wish I could have a conversation with my maker about this love, there's so many questions that I need answers to, maybe it would clear my sight because I keep walking into walls in the thoughts of what I no longer have.
I'm trying my best to understand that the past is the past and I can't change it, I'm trying, I really am but it seems like my efforts mean nothing. I bring girls into my life, use their attention and sex as my rebounds but I just keep coming back to the root of this falling tree.
If I'm never gonna stop loving her, then help me figure out how to live with this love in peace because now it only brings me misery, pain and darkness. It kills me that I can't have her, I thought we would be one of the adult lovers who started off at a young age, I thought we would celebrate the rest of our lives together, the milestones, a new job, a new house, a new car, our first baby and then marriage but it was all a dream that only I had.
The spring is here and everything is blooming beautifully but I'm still living in autumn, my leaves are falling into the heavy winds as I'm lifeless and weak, I wish I could talk to God about this, there's so many questions that I need answers to but I'll keep walking in faith.
If I'm not gonna stop loving, then help me figure out how to live with this love in peace.