"GOTTA LEAVE"
I've been chasing this for quiet a long time, almost two years down the drain, I don't wanna spend my twenties miserable because of somebody that I can't have and every damn morning, it's something new, I gotta leave her alone if I wanna see change.
I'm just scared that I might never feel anything of this kind, I'm scared that she might actually be the last female to make me feel like this and I know there's lovers at heart out there but I doubt that there's somebody else capable of loving me as genuine as my first love. There's too much bad shit happening out there, I guess I've settled for the memory of her because I'm scared of what might come if I actually start afresh somewhere else.
I never thought that I would be the one playing a fool for love, I need to keep my eyes off her posts if I wanna forget her face, I need to leave the house and meet new people if I wanna end this cycle of sorrows but it just feels I'm my own enemy of my own progress, got chains wrapped around my ankles and I can't seem to break free. They say I shouldn't beg for love, they say I shouldn't go overboard just to convince somebody about me and they say I shouldn't try to make somebody love me but that's just what I've been doing.
I know that I got to leave but I ain't ready to see what the world could be without any familiar calming part..
"SHE MEANS A LOT TO ME"
I wanna see her grow and be the woman that she is meant to be, even though her life won't have me in it, I wanna see her find peace and happiness. I wanna see her prosper in her life in every great way and it seems like she's headed in the right direction, all I've gotta do is to make peace with this situation, keep her best interests at heart and love her from afar.
This is my mess and nobody else's, she's got nothing to do with my voids and my mommy issues, she loved me as best as she could in the time that we were blessed to share, she gave me the best year of my life and as long as I live, she'll always have a place in my heart and she'll forever be my first love.
It was just my insecurities that couldn't bear the fact that she's doing better than me and she's growing beautifully but she deserves every great thing, she deserves love, happiness, success and she deserves to be the young lady she's becoming.
I gotta make peace with the way our story ended, I gotta accept what is and let go of what was, she was the best thing I found at the age of 19 but now I've gotta learn to let her go, start afresh on a clean slate, without having anybody's heart in my crossfire, I should Pray and let God guide my path.
I'm happy to see her grow, I'm proud of the woman that she's becoming and I'm grateful of the time that we were lucky to share.
"GROWING PAINS"
Theodore paused and he looked around the room, the Angels were just standing there with the loss of words, he sighed, "I think that for me to overcome what has messed up my life for the last 2 years, I would have to make peace and accept things just the way they are. I know it's not gonna be easy but I've gotta try harder than ever, just saying this feels like I'm trying to convince myself..", Theodore said with a frown.
"Don't be too hard on yourself, you still love her and it won't just disappear, in time your msiery will come to an end and you'll find true peace. For now just be kind to yourself and try your best to just live your life, with hope that you're doing the right thing".