"Weakness"
I know, I know I'm not supposed to text, she's shown me enough times that she doesn't want anything to do with me, every last message I sent her hasn't been responded to, maybe if she'd block my crazy ass, maybe she wouldn't wake up to my 4th text.
I swear if I had a better way, she wouldn't hear from me again but I'm weak and I can't seem to follow the current of moving on, I keep back tracking to her, I keep sending her paragraphs, I know she's probably somewhere, living in love but I'm over here, going through it, hoping to stand a chance to have the girl I love in my life.
Do you think I still wanna be doing this shit, constantly texting somebody who has far moved from me? I also wish I could do the same shit, leave my ex alone and move on with my life, I'm nothing like her, it's clear that I'm weaker than her, we cut from different cloths.
They say we shouldn't let pain change us but sometimes the pain affects us differently, at this point, I feel like I'm losing much more than my mind and it hurts me so fucking bad.
I know, I know I'm not supposed to text, she's shown me enough times that she doesn't want anything to do with me, every last message I sent her hasn't been responded to, maybe if she'd block my crazy ass, she wouldn't wake up to my 4th text.
"A 11:11 Wish"
I remember the beginning of it, the morning and night texts, the first hug, the first kiss, I even remember the first time we took a taxi together, it all stays on my mind.
Took away the only thing that felt like a lifeline to me, I did my flaws like every other lover but unlike every other lover, she only gave my love one chance. All the time I spent trying to make amends and show that I'm way better than the person I used to be, she never wanted to give my love a second chance.
Sometimes I get sentimental, I get all in my head, I get caught up in my feelings, I wish I could take back a million things, our departure caused me a lot of pain, I try not to think about her because I'm trying to move on.
I was in a good relationship with a beautiful, well taught girl, a very great girlfriend but I wasn't mature enough to keep that love alive, it's because of my fucked up actions that we're turning into strangers, I wish I could get one last chance at it again because this version of me would definitely be fitting for that love.
I remember her meeting me halfway, running to me, to give me a hug, I remember the times she would greet me with a hug and a kiss, it hurts me to remember because I know she loved me the best and I did the worst, I wish I could have a second chance.
"STAR & MOON"
The start is glowing closer to the moon tonight, the light is surrounding that area like a beautiful aura, today hasn't been a good day for me again but this moment right here renews my patience.
I might've spent another day without a text, I might be spending another lonely night, I might still not have somebody to love me but another day is just another step in the battlefield.
I've come to a point where I understand that it's okay to not have anything figured out, we all live under the sun and in time, my battle ain't the easiest, there's certain things I shouldn't think about anymore, there's still stuff that haunt me but it's moments like this that keep my head right.
The moon and the star up there, it's giving me hope that the better day is nearer than I think, I believe that God has somebody out there made just for me and if I keep myself close to Him, I will find my way to where I need to be for her and me to find each other.
"MAIN THING" / "REIGNITE"
Her number isn't saved in my phone, just cause I don't wanna see what she posts, a part of me doesn't wanna see how she's doing without me, I care too much about that girl for me to just look and keep it moving.
We been talking for a week or two, this ain't nothing like what I had in mind when she told me that we can try getting back to talking terms, it doesn't feel like this how it's supposed to be.
She used to whom I call my flower, now we only addressing each other on first name basis, don't she remember who used to call me "Babana",there ain't no way I'm about to spread myself thin just to keep this talking going, this ain't how it's supposed to be and she know that shit too.
She remembered my birthday, she's calling me my old nicknames, playing games with my mind, only if she knew how much I miss her..
Reignite, the heart doesn't lie when it comes to her name, yeah I wanna be the reason that she feels loved and cared for, I wanna look in her eyes and see the rest of my life in her, the problem here is that she's running away from the little bit of possibility that our love could reignite.
"GET BACK TOGETHER"
She gives my mind fantasy, no matter where she is, she still helps me look at things with a better view, she warms up my cold heart, she gives me a reason to believe in love again, she gives me the desire and the spark again, she gives me million reasons why I want us to do this thing again.
What could we lose if we give it another try? I bet the second time is the best time, I keep telling her that I believe that we had to go our separate ways in order for us to realise some things about ourselves or for us to gain something that we were missing and now that we're here, we could come back together and do this thing better this time around.
But she keeps thinking of the negative things, I guess it's the trauma that I caused with my careless actions when we were together but I'm nothing like that little boy anymore, I grew up in so many ways.
I just stepped into my adulthood, so I only wanna have her next to me in this chapter, we been through so much together, shared a lot together, meant a lot together, I would hate for us to just let it fade and die like it was all nothing.