When I died, I expected darkness.
Maybe some light at the end of a tunnel. Perhaps a bearded guy with a clipboard asking me to fill out Form 327-B for reincarnation processing. Hell, I would've even settled for the classic "your life flashing before your eyes" montage, though honestly, binge-watching anime and eating instant ramen for five years straight doesn't make for great highlight reels.
Instead, I got a progress bar.
A goddamn progress bar.
[SOUL TRANSFER IN PROGRESS: 99.99%]
It hung there in the void, this glowing blue bar that looked like it was ripped straight from a 2005 software installation wizard. You know the kind. The ones that claim "5 minutes remaining" but actually mean "go make coffee, walk your dog, and question your life choices."
I floated there, or at least, I think I was floating? Hard to tell when you don't have a body, and stared at that bar.
99.99%.
Still 99.99%.
STILL 99.99% !!
"Are you kidding me right now?" I said, or thought, or... whatever souls do when they're pissed off. "I died from a vending machine and THIS is my afterlife? Stuck at 99.99% like some cosmic Windows update?"
Yeah. You heard that right. A vending machine.
I wish I could say I died saving a kid from a truck, or heroically sacrificing myself in some grand fashion. Nope. I was just a regular 22-year-old guy trying to get a can of coffee at 3 AM because I'd pulled another all-nighter reading webnovels. The machine malfunctioned, tipped forward, and—
Crunch.
Death by vending machine. My tombstone would've been a meme.
"At least let me reincarnate already!" I shouted into the void. "I read enough webnovels to know how this works! Truck-kun, vending-machine-san, whatever, I died, so now I get a cheat system and become OP, right? RIGHT?"
The progress bar flickered.
[99.99%]
[99.99%]
[100.00%]
[DING!]
Oh thank God–
[ERROR: INCOMPATIBLE SOUL SIGNATURE DETECTED]
"WHAT?!"
[ANALYZING...]
[ANALYSIS COMPLETE]
[SOUL ORIGIN: EARTH - HIDDEN QI WORLD TIER-0]
[RESIDUAL QI DENSITY: INFINITE]
[CULTIVATION POTENTIAL: ■■■■■■■■ ERROR - VALUE EXCEEDS DISPLAY LIMIT]
[RECOMMENDED ACTION: STANDARD REINCARNATION PACKAGE INADEQUATE]
[INSTALLING ALTERNATIVE SOLUTION...]
"Wait, wait, wait, hold on!" I flailed my non-existent arms. "What do you mean 'Hidden Qi World'? Earth doesn't have Qi! We have pollution, traffic jams, and crippling student debt!"
The blue text ignored me, naturally.
[INSTALLING: AUTOMATED CULTIVATION SYSTEM...]
[PROGRESS: 1%... 15%... 47%...]
"Automated Cultivation? The hell is that? I'm supposed to get the 'Supreme Heavenly Emperor Dragon Phoenix System' or something! With abilities like 'Absolute Domination' and 'Ten Thousand Maiden Absorption Technique' and, okay, maybe not that last one, but you get the idea!"
[PROGRESS: 78%... 92%... 100%]
[INSTALLATION COMPLETE]
[WELCOME, USER: LIN TIAN]
[AUTOMATED CULTIVATION SYSTEM (ACS) - ONLINE]
Everything went white.
---
When sensation returned, the first thing I noticed was that I could breathe again. The second thing I noticed was that breathing hurt.
I gasped, my lungs burning like I'd just run a marathon through a wildfire. My eyes snapped open to find myself staring at a wooden ceiling with actual cobwebs in the corner. The air smelled like incense, dirt, and what I desperately hoped wasn't mold.
"Wh-where...?" My voice came out raspy and weak.
[DING! REINCARNATION SUCCESSFUL!]
The cheerful notification appeared in my vision, actual floating blue text, like I was living inside a video game HUD.
[WELCOME TO THE SPIRITROOT CONTINENT, BOSS!]
"Boss?" I croaked.
[YEP! I'M YOUR AUTOMATED CULTIVATION SYSTEM, BUT YOU CAN CALL ME ACS!]
[I'LL BE HANDLING ALL YOUR CULTIVATION NEEDS FROM NOW ON!]
[REASON: YOU'RE FROM EARTH, A WORLD THAT ACHIEVED QI SINGULARITY BUT NOBODY NOTICED!]
I tried to sit up. Bad idea. My body felt like it had been used as a punching bag by a professional boxer. Everything ached.
"Qi... Singularity?" I managed to wheeze out. "What are you talking about? Earth is—"
[A WORLD WHERE 8 BILLION HUMANS UNKNOWINGLY GENERATED INFINITE AMBIENT QI THROUGH THEIR COLLECTIVE CONSCIOUSNESS, TECHNOLOGICAL ADVANCEMENT, AND CONSTANT STRESS!]
[EVERY TIME SOMEONE RAGE-QUIT A VIDEO GAME? QI BURST!]
[EVERY TIME SOMEONE STRESS-ATE AT 2 AM? QI ABSORPTION!]
[EVERY TIME SOMEONE SAID "I'M FINE" WHILE DYING INSIDE? PURE, CONDENSED EMOTIONAL QI!]
"That's... that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard," I muttered.
[AND YET, HERE YOU ARE WITH AN INFINITE QI RESERVE IN YOUR SOUL!]
[CONGRATULATIONS! YOUR BODY IN THIS WORLD IS NOW A WALKING QI REACTOR!]
I finally managed to push myself into a sitting position, my vision swimming. I was on a thin mattress that could barely be called a bed, in a small room that looked like it hadn't been cleaned in months. There was a cracked mirror on one wall, and when I stumbled over to it...
I was sixteen again.
Or rather, I was a sixteen-year-old. Black hair, dark eyes, average features, the kind of face that would blend into any crowd. Except I looked half-dead, with dark circles under my eyes and a bruise blooming on my left cheek.
[CURRENT STATUS:]
[NAME: LIN TIAN (FORMERLY: NPC-ID9001)]
[AGE: 16]
[CULTIVATION: QI REFINING REALM - STAGE 1]
[IDENTITY: OUTER SECT DISCIPLE - AZURE PEAK SECT]
[SOCIAL STANDING: BOTTOM TIER / CANNON FODDER]
[SURVIVAL PROBABILITY: 0.03%]
"Point-zero-three percent?" I said flatly. "Are you serious right now?"
[VERY SERIOUS, BOSS!]
[TUTORIAL MISSION UNLOCKED: SURVIVE THE SECT INVASION]
[TIME UNTIL INVASION: 7 DAYS]
[GOOD LUCK! ☆]
My blood ran cold. "Invasion? What invasion?!"
[OH, DIDN'T I MENTION? THE BLOOD MOON SECT IS GOING TO ATTACK IN A WEEK!]
[THIS SECT WILL BE DESTROYED, AND ALL OUTER DISCIPLES ARE DESIGNATED AS EXPENDABLE MEAT SHIELDS!]
[IN THE ORIGINAL PLOT, YOU DIE IN THE FIRST WAVE! PRETTY COOL, HUH?]
"COOL?! WHAT PART OF DYING IS COOL?!"
[DON'T WORRY! THAT'S WHY I'M HERE!]
[ACTIVATING AUTOMATED CULTIVATION PROTOCOL...]
[YOU JUST NEED TO EXIST, BOSS. I'LL HANDLE THE REST!]
[AUTO-CULTIVATION: ACTIVE]
[QI ABSORPTION: ACTIVE]
[BODY TEMPERING: ACTIVE]
[RECOMMENDED ACTION: GO BACK TO SLEEP. I'LL WAKE YOU WHEN YOU'RE STRONG ENOUGH NOT TO DIE IMMEDIATELY.]
I stood there, staring at the cascade of notifications, my brain struggling to process everything.
I died. Got reincarnated. Have infinite Qi because Earth was secretly a cultivation world. Now I have a system that wants me to sleep my way to survival while a sect invasion is coming in seven days.
This is insane.
This is absolutely insane.
"...Can I at least get an OP skill or something?" I asked weakly.
[DING! TITLE UNLOCKED: AFK IMMORTAL]
[EFFECT: CULTIVATION SPEED INCREASES WHILE SLEEPING, IDLE, OR DOING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING PRODUCTIVE]
I stared at the notification for a long moment.
Then I laughed. It started as a giggle, then turned into full-blown hysterical laughter until my bruised ribs protested and I had to stop.
"Okay," I wheezed, wiping tears from my eyes. "Okay. Fine. I'll play along. But if I die again, I'm filing a formal complaint with whoever's in charge of reincarnation."
[THAT'S THE SPIRIT, BOSS!]
[NOW GO TO SLEEP! YOU'VE GOT A BUSY WEEK OF DOING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AHEAD OF YOU!]
Against my better judgment, I stumbled back to the terrible mattress and collapsed onto it.
As consciousness faded, I could feel it, a strange warmth spreading through my body, like someone had turned on a space heater inside my chest. The Qi, I realized. It was already working.
My last thought before sleep claimed me:
I really hope this system knows what it's doing...
[SPOILER ALERT: I TOTALLY DO! Probably. Maybe. 73% SURE!]
"SEVENTY-THREE?!"
But I was already asleep.
---
[AUTOMATED CULTIVATION IN PROGRESS...]
[TIME UNTIL TUTORIAL MISSION: 6 DAYS, 23 HOURS, 47 MINUTES]
[CURRENT POWER LEVEL: STILL CANNON FODDER]
[GOOD LUCK, BOSS! ♪]