I should've known something was wrong when the first customer of the day was a troll carrying a shopping basket the size of a small car.
"Hello?" I said nervously.
"I need... marshmallow stabilizers." the troll rumbled.
I blinked. "For what?"
"Tiding. Marshmallow tiding."
I nodded slowly. Of course. I knew exactly what that meant. Totally normal.
Aisle Three: Chaos Central
Aisle Three had turned into a battlefield.
Globby was bouncing across the shelves, tasting anything vaguely sweet.
Grunk the goblin had set up a "coupon scam" booth next to the snacks and was loudly debating prices with himself.
Mira had tied herself to a mop and was pretending to referee the chaos.
Meanwhile, I was trying to price-check a bag of enchanted chips before a giant centipede critiqued my handwriting on the label.
Somehow, by the time the first hour ended:
Three shelves had collapsed.
Two jars of glowing jelly had "escaped."
A slime had become sticky-fused with a bag of gummy worms.
And yet business was booming. The Dungeon points ticker kept going up.
The "Mystery Snack" Experiment
The Dungeon itself popped in:
"Try this" it said, hovering a plate toward me.
I stared. The snack was... pulsing.
Slightly wiggly.
Slightly threatening.
Smelled faintly of socks.
"Is this... safe?"
"Absolutely or not. It's an experiment."
Of course, I had to eat it. One bite, and my tongue turned neon green, my hair smelled faintly like chocolate and I began involuntarily humming a lullaby.
Globby clapped excitedly. Grunk complained that the color interfered with his coupon scheme. Mira tripped over herself trying to help.
Points were added anyway. +25 for bravery.
The Checkout Catastrophe
By noon, the line was insane:
Slimes juggling soda cans.
Goblins trading coupons like stock certificates
A centipede critic muttering about texture and elasticity.
I tried scanning items, but every time I looked away, something new happened. A bag of chips exploded, the troll was still trying to figure out marshmallow stabilizers and Globby had created a sticky rainbow bridge across the floor.
When I finally got to the last customer, Mira had fainted into a pile of receipts and the Dungeon quietly added +100 points to my tally.
I collapsed behind the counter.
"I think I like working here" I muttered.
"You're learning" the Dungeon said, as if my sanity were optional.