I opened the store at dawn, which in dungeon time means whenever the glowing mushrooms decide it's morning.
The first sound I heard wasn't the cheerful "ding" of the counter bell. It was screaming. Not the "Help, I'm dying!" kind, more the "My beard is stuck in the hotdog machine!" kind.
Sure enough, Globby, my eternally enthusiastic, eternally sticky slime assistant, was trying to peel a dwarf out of the roller grill. The dwarf had two fountain drinks in hand, looking more offended than injured.
"Sir" I asked, "were you trying to..."
"It looked like a beard straightener!" he barked.
Ten minutes, three paper towels, and a complimentary mustard packet later, the dwarf stomped out, muttering about "machine betrayal" and "never trusting a store that sells both toothpaste and live crabs."
Before I could even disinfect the counter, my HUD pinged.
Delivery Request:
3rd Floor - Western Barracks
Order: 4 Energy Potions, 1 Mana Loaf, 6 Pack Monster Energy (actual monster not included)
Reward: 35 Gold, +65 Points
Delivery #1 - The Western Barracks
The walk to the 3rd floor was... tolerable, as long as you like the scent of damp socks simmering in cabbage soup. The Western Barracks was louder than usual, barracks meant adventurers and adventurers meant chaos.
Two human fighters were arguing about whose armor was shinier while an orc sharpened his sword by stabbing it into the floor. A halfling vaulted over a bunk bed and snatched the Mana Loaf from my hands.
"You're a lifesaver!" he said, tearing it open like it contained the cure for death.
One of the fighters downed an Energy Potion in one gulp. The other kissed his can of Monster Energy... then kissed me on the forehead.
I was flattered, but I left before it could escalate to cheek kisses.
+35 Gold, +65 Points
Current Points Balance: 1200
When I got back, Mira was standing in front of the freezer with her arms crossed.
"Why is there a kobold in the ice cream section?"
Sure enough, one was curled up inside, hugging a pint of chocolate chip. He'd eaten three already and was trying to haggle for a fourth.
With coupons.
Before I could chase him out, another ping.
Delivery Request:
5th Floor — Mystic Library
Order: 1 Bag Spicy Sunflower Seeds, 2 Bottles Dungeon Cola, 1 "Romance for Liches" paperback
Reward: 50 Gold, +90 Points
Delivery #2 - The Mystic Library
The 5th floor meant braving the Mirror Corridor, a hallway of warped reflections. One mirror showed me bald. Another replaced my head with Globby's.
I'm never sleeping again.
Inside the Mystic Library, the air was cold, dry and smelled like dirty books... except some of them were breathing.
The librarian, a lich in deep crimson robes, floated over. She picked up the paperback.
"This... is one of my earlier works" she said.
I handed her the change and left without making eye contact. She tipped me in cursed bookmarks that whispered poetry in a language I didn't understand.
+50 Gold, +90 Points
Current Points Balance: 1290
Back at the store, a goblin was arguing that the "Buy 2 Get 1 Free" potion deal should apply to windshield washer fluid. Globby was stacking chip bags into a pyramid until he collapsed into them, creating a snack avalanche.
I'd just finished sweeping when the third delivery hit.
Delivery Request:
2nd Floor - Mushroom Caverns
Order: 3 Glowberry Soda, 1 Bag Spicy Jerky, 2 Loaves Garlic Bread
Reward: 40 Gold, +75 Points
Delivery #3 - The Mushroom Caverns
The caverns were deceptively peaceful at first, glowing caps casting blue light, streams trickling softly. Then I stepped in a patch of Sporespout Fungus.
Nature's glitter.
One puff and I was coated in glowing yellow dust that smelled like old cheese.
The customer, a grizzled troll in a miner's helmet took one look at me and said, "Delivery's here and covered in garnish?"
I ignored that, got paid, and left.
Unfortunately, the spores attracted mushroom sprites. They tried to barter for my garlic bread after delivery.
One even offered me "a favor from the mushroom court."
I declined.
I've heard stories.
+40 Gold, +75 Points
Current Points Balance: 1365
The Dungeon Shop flickered in my vision, showing me the "Minor Self-Cleaning Broom" for 900 points.
Tempting.
But Level 3 has my legendary coffee machine, and I'm not wasting points until then.
Somewhere deep below, the Dungeon chuckled.