There's a certain kind of silence you hear when you open the store early in the morning. It's peaceful, calm, almost meditative.
Today wasn't that.
Today was... wet.
The first thing I noticed was Globby, soaking in the drink fridge like it was a hot tub. The second was Mira holding a mop like a spear, trying to fend off a goblin dragging in a cart full of expired pastries he clearly found in the dungeon.
I hadn't even clocked in yet.
Opening Hour: Immediate Disaster
"Boss" Mira called, "we have a situation."
I didn't have time to answer because the automatic doors opened and in rolled a literal walking furnace, one of the fire golems from Floor Four. Every step left a scorch mark on the tile.
"We... don't carry lava-flavored ice cream" I said weakly.
The golem just grunted and started browsing the frozen section, melting anything within arm's reach.
I grabbed a fireproof mop and followed the trail of destruction. That's when the Dungeon pinged.
URGENT DELIVERY REQUEST - TWO DESTINATIONS. SIMULTANEOUS DELIVERY.
I stared at the notification like it had personally insulted me.
The Impossible Choice
The first request: deliver a crate of enchanted salt to the Kraken Chef on Floor Two.
The second: deliver a sealed barrel of screaming pickles to a haunted pantry on Floor Three.
Both urgent. Both on opposite sides of the dungeon. Both required immediate attention.
Mira looked at me, wide-eyed. "You're not gonna... do both... are you?"
"Of course I am." I lied.
Plan of Madness
I split the deliveries:
I'd personally take the screaming pickles.
Globby, now wearing a messenger bag three sizes too big, would take the salt.
Mira would stay in the store… allegedly to keep things running smoothly.
But i should've known better.
Delivery One: The Haunted Pantry
The hallway to Floor Three was darker than usual. Shadows seemed to lean in closer, like they were curious. The barrel of pickles screamed every few seconds, making me flinch.
Halfway there, a ghostly chef floated out of the wall.
"You're late" he hissed.
"I'm on time!" I snapped.
"Not emotionally" he said and drifted away.
When I finally reached the pantry, the door opened on its own. I rolled the barrel inside. The screaming immediately stopped. Which was somehow worse.
The pantry whispered, "Payment… received" and handed me a coupon for half off dish soap.
+60 points.
Delivery Two: Chaos Relay
On my way back, I got a ping from Globby. The salt delivery had been... delayed.
I found him in the middle of Floor Two, surrounded by three goblins playing keep-away with the crate. Globby was bouncing furiously, yelling in bubbles.
I stepped in, using my best "tired store manager" voice: "Drop it before I make all of you pay full price for instant noodles."
The goblins froze, hissed in horror, and returned the salt. We made it to the Kraken Chef just in time. He immediately began seasoning a fish the size of my bed.
+75 points.
Back at the Store: Triple Trouble
When I returned, I was greeted by:
Mira stuck in the freezer aisle, her hair frozen into little icicles.
The fire golem now selling "toasted ice cream" from the melted freezer stock.
A line of customers demanding refunds because their snacks were too haunted.
I tried to fix everything. I really did.
But the Dungeon pinged again:
BONUS DELIVERY AVAILABLE: Will award double points.
I stared at the store, then at the delivery request.
"...Mira, you've got this, right?"
She glared at me from inside the freezer. "I'm... fine."
I left anyway.
Bonus Delivery: The Singing Teapot
The teapot wouldn't stop singing old folk songs. Loudly.
By the time I handed it to its owner, a half-ogre librarian, it had gotten stuck on a loop of "99 Cups of Tea on the Wall."
The librarian paid me in Dungeon Points and a free library card, which I'm 99% sure only works for borrowing cursed scrolls.
+120 points.
When I got back, the fire golem was gone, Mira didn't look like a popsicle and Globby was asleep inside the instant noodle display.
The Dungeon floated up. "Well done. You've survived simultaneous operations. Points total updated."
I collapsed in the break room, covered in pickle brine and slime residue.
At this rate, I thought, I'm either going to reach the Dungeon Shop soon or die in aisle two.