The sun filtered softly through the lace-curtained windows of the east drawing room, casting golden lines across the porcelain tableware. A kettle hummed gently atop a silver tray, steam curling upward like a ghost's sigh. Rose-petal sugar cubes sat beside a pyramid of bite-sized cakes—each a work of edible art, each probably lethal in its own way.
Rei sat in a velvet-lined chair that might as well have been an executioner's throne.
His back was stiff. His hands trembled slightly as he held a teacup painted with pink camellias. The scent was floral, gentle… deceptively so. Like a perfume meant to hide poison.
Opposite him, Princess Seraphina beamed, resplendent in a lavender dress lined with white lace, her long golden hair coiled into braids that shimmered like threads of sunlight. Her tiara sparkled atop her head like a crown forged of smug satisfaction.
The look in her eyes, however, could cut diamonds.
"I'm so glad you're finally feeling well enough for a private tea," Seraphina said sweetly, pouring herself a cup from the steaming pot. "It's important to reestablish intimacy, don't you think, Rei?"
"I… suppose," Rei said, smiling with the full effort of a man trapped in an active minefield.
[System Warning: Intimacy Levels Rising. Threat Level: Fangirl Execution Mode.]
[Passive Quest: Survive the Tea Party.]
He took a cautious sip. It was sweet. Fragrant. Slightly too smooth.
"…what kind of tea is this?" he asked, lowering the cup warily.
Seraphina fluttered her lashes. "Oh, just something from my private blend. Camellia sinensis, honey pearl drop, and… a tiny, teeny pinch of Lux Veritas."
Rei blinked.
"…Lux Veritas?"
Seraphina smiled wider. "It's a truth-inducing herb used by the royal interrogators. Tastes like innocence and burns like lies. But it's harmless! Well, unless you lie. Then it reacts rather… explosively."
Rei choked.
Literally.
He coughed, nearly spraying tea across the delicate linens. "W-why would you put that in a casual tea!?"
"For transparency, of course," she said demurely, taking a dainty sip herself. "After all, I haven't had a chance to see you privately since your coma, and the other girls keep hovering. So I arranged a little moment—just you, me, and absolute honesty."
[System Alert: Host has ingested Class-B Truth Serum.]
[System Advice: Do not lie. Do not panic. Definitely do not think about thighs.]
[Also: she's watching your pupils for dilation.]
Rei gave a tight-lipped smile. "How... thoughtful."
"So." Seraphina leaned forward, her gloved hands folded neatly. "Let's start with something simple. Who do you like the most?"
Rei froze.
The cup clinked against its saucer in his hands.
"That's… a complicated question."
Her gaze sharpened.
The tea in his stomach bubbled like an approaching panic attack.
[System Trigger: Honesty Protocol Engaged. Filtering Host Response...]
Rei blurted: "I really like… um… Tea Leaf Academy!"
Seraphina blinked. "…The children's anime?"
"Yes!" Rei nodded feverishly. "The one with the talking teapot who solves crimes using steeping techniques and herbal wisdom. I love that show! So... mature! So emotionally resonant!"
He was sweating. Profusely.
Seraphina leaned back, stunned. "You actually… remember that?"
[System Update: Lucky Guess.]
"…You showed it to me when we were kids," Rei said quickly. "Episode 4. 'Earl Grey's Betrayal.' I cried. You called me a sensitive prince."
Something in Seraphina's expression cracked.
Her lips quivered.
Then she reached over the table and seized both his hands.
"I—I knew it!" she cried. "You do remember! No one else respected the depth of the series! Everyone thought I was childish, but you… you understood!"
Rei forced a smile through the pain of his bones being crushed.
"Y-Yeah! Especially the subplot about Chamomile's secret twin who was raised by steeping monks in the Ice Leaf Mountains!"
"Oh my gosh," she whispered. "I named my horse after him…"
[System Notice: Host has gained +8 Affection Points.]
[Side Note: Your continued survival depends on remembering obscure children's media.]
Seraphina let go, blushing furiously.
"I had to make sure you were still the same Rei I loved," she murmured, looking down at her tea. "After all… the others don't care about the little things. They want your body, your status, your soul—but I want your essence. Your dreams. Your flavor profile."
Rei's left eye twitched.
"Th-that's… very flattering."
She smiled again. A terrifyingly serene expression.
"And just so you know… if you had said another girl's name, the table was rigged with holy runes. The entire room would've exploded into righteous fire."
Rei looked down. Noticed, for the first time, the golden etchings under the lace tablecloth.
"…ha…haha…"
"Don't worry!" she chirped. "You passed! I knew you would. You're still the same adorable little prince who cried when the tea kettle died."
He tried to laugh.
He failed.
"So!" she clapped her hands. "Now that we've confirmed our emotional bond and mutual appreciation for serialized beverage media, I have something for you."
She reached into her bag and pulled out a folder wrapped in lace.
"These are our wedding plans. I updated them while you were unconscious."
Rei hesitated.
"Wedding…?"
"Mmhmm! I even picked our duet for the reception. I composed it myself. It's called 'Steep Me Like You Mean It.'"
Rei was too terrified to blink.
[System Update: Sanity Stat -3.]
Seraphina leaned closer, her eyes shining like two sunlit blades.
"I know we're not officially betrothed anymore—because of that awful law where nobles must marry by mutual consent and not declaration by monarchical whim—but don't worry. I've already passed a proposal in the Senate to retroactively validate childhood pinky-promises."
She tapped the folder.
"This… is our future."
Rei slowly picked it up, the same way one might lift a bomb with a faulty timer.
It was covered in hearts.
And knives.
Mostly hearts… made of knives.
"I'll, uh… read it later."
Seraphina beamed. "Take your time! Just remember—I'm the only one who loves you for your real self. Not because of your bloodline, not because of your fire pact, not because of some destiny garbage."
She stood, smoothing her dress.
"Oh, and I've reassigned my entire national military to act as your personal escort from now on. They've been renamed 'Rei's Bridal Guard.' Isn't that romantic?"
Rei looked out the window.
Thousands of soldiers in pink uniforms stood in perfect formation, holding banners that read:
OUR PRINCE, OUR HUSBAND, OUR IMMORTAL LOVE
"…that's a lot of commitment," Rei croaked.
She gave a dainty curtsy. "Just consider it foreplay."
And with that, she swept out of the room, humming the theme song from Tea Leaf Academy.
Rei sat very still.
He reached for the remaining tea.
Then stopped.
"Wait… if that was truth serum…"
He narrowed his eyes at the teacup.
"…how come I was able to lie about liking episode seven?"
The tea fizzed.
He dove backward as it exploded in a burst of floral smoke.
[System Notification: Bonus Achievement Unlocked — "Liar, Liar, Brew on Fire."]
[Reward: +2 Wits, -5 Digestive Fortitude.]
Rei lay on the floor, covered in petals.
"…I need to escape."
But from behind the door, the sound of steel heels approached.
Another girl.
Another test.
Another cup of tea with a knife inside.
To be continued…