It was supposed to be a peaceful afternoon.
The birds were chirping, the sun was shining over the blooming rose gardens of House Greythorne, and Rei had finally—finally—found five minutes to sip a cup of tea in peace while hiding beneath a gazebo behind the estate's hedge maze.
And then, as always, peace died screaming.
"REI! I CHALLENGE HER FOR THE RIGHT TO YOUR HEART!"
The declaration split the tranquil air like a war horn. Tea leaves flew. Rei nearly choked on his scone and dove for cover behind a stone pillar as an earth-shaking stomp echoed through the gardens.
Boom. Boom. BOOM.
Out strode Drakana Flameheart, full-blooded dragonkin, seven feet of bronze-scaled, muscle-bound, sword-swinging childhood trauma.
And behind her—trailing a silk cape dusted with actual phoenix feathers and flanked by a dozen royal maids—came Princess Seraphina Aurelia Celestine du Magnifique, Crown Jewel of the Sunlight Empire, certified tea connoisseur, and certified lunatic.
Rei's soul tried to exit his body.
"Drakana," he muttered, peeking from behind a column. "You couldn't have picked a quieter way to settle this? Like, I don't know... an essay contest? A poetry slam?"
She drew her massive obsidian greatsword from her back with a grin. "Too many syllables."
Princess Seraphina swept her jeweled scepter in a wide arc and dismissed her entourage with a flick of her ringed fingers. Her golden eyes sparkled with murderous intent.
"Lord Rei," she said sweetly, turning to him with a curtsy that nearly decapitated a bush. "I was just about to invite you to a private poetry reading. Then this—scaled creature—appeared and began screaming battle declarations."
"Says the one who brought a fanfare of trumpets to serve tea," Drakana muttered, cracking her neck.
Seraphina's eyes narrowed. "I named my trumpet line 'The Hymns of Matrimony.' They only play for my fiancé."
"Oh my god," Rei whispered, eyes wide. "They actually have a name?!"
"Of course," Seraphina said. "Chapter Four of my bridal war doctrine outlines—"
"ENOUGH!" Drakana bellowed, shaking leaves from the hedges.
She stabbed her sword into the ground with a heavy thunk and crossed her arms over her ample chest. "Only one can be his #1 fiancée."
Rei gasped. "Why does this sound like a shōnen anime tournament arc—"
"I propose a duel," Drakana declared. "But not one of blood... one of knowledge."
Seraphina tilted her head. "You mean... like trivia?"
"Exactly." Drakana cracked her knuckles. "A 'Who Knows Rei Best' showdown."
"Oh. I accept." Seraphina smirked and reached into her sleeve, pulling out a golden scroll labeled "Rei Facts – Updated Hourly."
Rei facepalmed.
"Judging," Drakana continued, "shall be done by the System."
With an ethereal ding, a translucent blue box popped up before Rei's eyes.
‣ [System Notice: Yandere Knowledge Duel Initiated]
‣ Combatants: Seraphina (Princess), Drakana (Dragon Girl)
‣ Stakes: Winner becomes Fiancée #1. Loser must stand down. (Note: Will not be enforced. Yanderes don't obey logic.)
‣ Duration: Until one side gives up. Or dies. Or ties. (Most likely outcome: chaos.)
The System chuckled.
Yes, actually chuckled.
"Let the games begin!" Drakana roared.
Question One: Favorite Food?
"Spicy tuna onigiri!" Seraphina answered before Rei could blink.
"Wrong," Drakana growled. "He only likes that because you force-feed it to him. His real favorite is extra-cheesy grilled sandwiches with triple garlic spread."
"Incorrect!" Seraphina retorted. "That was only during his 'I hate vegetables' phase from age eight to ten!"
Rei raised a hand timidly. "Um, actually, I like both—"
"Silence, groom!" they snapped in unison.
The System dinged again.
‣ Score:
– Seraphina: 1 (for speed)
– Drakana: 1 (for accuracy)
Rei whimpered.
Question Two: Deepest Fear?
Seraphina raised her hand primly. "Being abandoned by those he loves. I've psychoanalyzed his diary entries from age five."
Rei's eye twitched. "You read my diary?!"
She nodded solemnly. "I had a replica made and update it daily."
Drakana smirked. "Nah. He fears dying from a surprise kiss in his sleep."
"I—okay, that's weirdly accurate," Rei muttered.
System Result:
‣ Score:
– Seraphina: 1 (for creepy effort)
– Drakana: 1 (for uncanny truth)
– Rei: -5 (emotional damage)
Question Three: Childhood Dream?
"Becoming a peaceful hermit in the mountains," Seraphina said.
Drakana nodded. "Living in a cave with three cats and no responsibilities."
They blinked at each other.
Then at Rei.
He shrank. "I—I didn't think anyone remembered that..."
System chimed:
‣ Score:
– Both: +1
– Rei: -2 (existential dread)
Round after round passed like a whirlwind of obsession, childhood anecdotes, embarrassing confessions, and wildly specific trivia:
"Which sock does he put on first?"
"What was the name of his first goldfish?"
"How many hairs are on his left eyebrow?"
They answered them all.
Perfectly.
Flawlessly.
Frighteningly.
By the end, Rei was curled in a fetal position on a picnic blanket, surrounded by pages of handmade Rei-fact spreadsheets, detailed anatomical sketches (thanks, Drakana), and scented candles labeled "Eau de Rei."
The System blinked.
‣ Final Score:
– Seraphina: 43
– Drakana: 43
– Rei: √Traumatized
DRAW.
"HAH!" Seraphina said, flipping her hair. "A tie. Which means I stay as Fiancée #1!"
"Nope," Drakana snapped. "A tie means I'm Fiancée #1 too!"
"Then we're co-number-ones?" Seraphina asked, eyes narrowing.
"Fine by me," Drakana smirked. "I'll just stand closer to him."
"Over my imperial body."
"Your empire's about to shrink."
The two glared at each other, noses inches apart.
Rei slowly, painfully, tiptoed away—one inch at a time.
Then Drakana's nostrils flared. She turned, pointing a clawed finger.
"He's escaping!"
"YANDERE RADAR ACTIVATED," the System announced in bold red letters.
Alarms blared.
Spotlights snapped on from nowhere.
Hedge maze bushes parted like the Red Sea.
Rei screamed.
"NOT AGAIN—!!"
He sprinted.
They chased.
He climbed a tree.
Drakana climbed faster.
Seraphina summoned a flying carriage with flaming wheels.
Somewhere, a unicorn exploded.
Ten minutes later, Rei was dangling by his waistband from a chandelier in the main hall, hyperventilating while Drakana and Seraphina argued below him over bridal color schemes.
"I want obsidian-black dresses with red sapphires!" Drakana growled.
"No, gold-trimmed white with Rei's face printed on the veil!" Seraphina insisted.
"You want to wear his face?"
"His image! It's symbolic!"
Rei coughed weakly from above. "I want... death... please... just... death..."
The System popped one last message into his blurry vision:
‣ [Congratulations: You survived the Dragon Duel]
‣ Reward: +1 Yandere Favorability (x2)
‣ Penalty: -3 Sanity
‣ Bonus Achievement Unlocked: "Co-Fiancée Catastrophe"
He whimpered.
Somewhere in the distance, Lilia prepared another wedding rehearsal.
And Rosette the maid polished a very sharp spoon.
Tomorrow would be worse.
Of course it would.
To be continued…