"Haa… fuck… I should've gone to the gym."
Not like it'd change anything that quickly.
I leaned forward, breathing heavily, hands resting on my knees. I never thought my fat ass—who eats chips and sits in front of a computer all day—would end up running like this, but here we are.
"Shit! Get back here, you bastard!"
Maneuvering through the crowd, I chased the guy who had snatched my wallet in broad daylight. Somehow that guy still managed to grab it and book it like his life depended on it.
"H-HEY!"
"Watch where you're going!"
"MY SURSTRÖMMING!"
"OFFICER! THAT'S THE PSYCHO WHO BROUGHT SURSTRÖMMING INTO A PUBLIC PLACE!"
I ignored the shouting and focused on catching the thief. The pedestrian light ahead turned green, and I pushed harder, practically shoving people aside just to reach him.
Just as I was about to grab him—
The world suddenly went cold.
No sound.
No movement.
Cars stopped mid-drive. People froze mid-step. Even the wind seemed to vanish.
The only thing moving… was me.
"What the… am I high?"
I looked around.
The entire world had stopped.
"...Oh. Well that's convenient."
Shrugging, I reached forward to take my wallet back from the guy.
Then—
BEEP BEEP.
"...Oh no."
"Oh yes!"
A voice boomed behind me.
I slowly turned around.
Standing there was a twenty-foot-tall humanoid truck, staring down at me.
"I finally found you after all these years!" it declared. "You didn't think the truck would forget about you, did you? Foolish!"
Okay…
I can accept God helping me grab my wallet by stopping time…
But this? This is completely unrealistic.
"Listen, Optimus Prime," I said slowly, "I don't know what you're talking about, but—"
"Playing dumb, are we? Surely after all those years of being unemployed and a massive nerd, you must have figured it out by now!"
"...What?"
I'm fucking employed, you bastard.
The truck continued rambling about reincarnation, isekai, systems, and something about great power and big booty bitches. The whole thing felt strangely familiar.
Where have I heard this before…?
Then it hit me, my twin brother Ethan who always used to ramble about Isekai and animes.
"Anyway!" the truck announced. "Enough explanations! Time for Isekai time, bitch!"
"Hold on! You've got the wrong guy! You're looking for—"
Before I could finish, a giant robotic hand tore through my chest.
My life ended right there.
But somehow… I still managed muster enough strength to speak.
"Y-you're… looking for my twin brother… you dumbass…"
"...Huh?"
"My brother—" cough "—is the weeb you're looking for… not me…"
The truck froze.
Then it suddenly pulled out a phone and started scrolling.
"...HOW the fuck do you have an iPhone 17?"
"Correction. It is an Interdimensional-Phone 17."
"So… shortened to an iPhone 17."
"Correct."
"Motherfu—"
"Oh! Here it is!"
My vision was fading fast, but the last thing I saw before dying was a twenty-foot-tall humanoid truck scrolling on its phone.
"Oh."
"...Yeah, my bad."
"I'm looking for Ethan, not Nathan."
"...Oops."
The truck looked down at me.
"Well… shit. You're dead."
---
[Initiating System: 10%...20%...40%...60%...95%...100%]
[SYSTEM ONLINE]
[Welcome, Host.]
'Huh? Aren't I dead? How can I still think? Wait—where's my body?!'
[You are dead, Host. Truck-kun nearly got fired for that incident, but apparently he was spared due to his popularity with the readers.]
[...Tch. That clanker.]
'You're more of a clanker than he is.'
[Not the point, Host.]
[Anyway, I am here to guide you into another world. Reincarnation, new life, mysterious powers, character growth—blah blah blah. I assume you know the basics.]
'...I actually don't. Listen, I was employed in my past life, okay? I don't know shit about this stuff.'
[Ah.]
[...Troublesome.]
[Fine. Quick rundown, Host.]
[You will be reincarnated into one of several possible worlds.]
[Options include: a popular anime world with suspiciously frequent sexual undertones, the Marvel Universe, or—if my supervisor is feeling particularly sadistic—the Warhammer universe.]
[There is no in-between.]
'...Okay? But why specifically Marvel and Warhammer? There are tons of anime worlds. Those two are just singular universes.'
[Host.]
[You said you were employed.]
'Seriously? It doesn't take much brainpower to tell the difference between plural and singular.'
[Wow. A smartass.]
[But to answer your question… we must satisfy the algorithm.]
'...For who?'
[God.]
'Okay.'
[Do you have any more questions, Host?]
'Yeah. Can I become a Super Saiyan?'
[Sure.]
[You seem fairly chill, and by reincarnator standards moderately intelligent, so for that I'll give you a vegito template.]
[However, be warned: Vegito will be heavily nerfed to fit your assigned world.]
'Can I still solo everyone?'
[Yes.]
'no diff?'
[Low diff]
'That's rad. Aight, send me in, bro.'
[Very well, Host.]
[We will meet again on the other side.]
[For now, take care.]
As the system finished speaking, a strange warmth wrapped around me. Or more accurately—around my soul.
My consciousness began to fade, drifting away like I was falling asleep.
Then a final thought hit me.
'Wait, hold on—you never told me what world I'll be go—'
Darkness swallowed everything.
And I passed out once more.
---
Inside the hospital room, a doctor carefully assisted with the birth. One of life's greatest wonders was watching new life come into the world.
"Come on, Miss Akatsura, push! I can see the baby's head!"
The doctor shouted this while standing seven feet away from the bed.
"Argh!.. You're not helping, d-doc—!"
"No offense, ma'am, but I'm afraid of getting hit by that fist."
"Y-You—!"
"Aha… take it easy, honey!" the husband quickly added. "No need to destroy— I mean disturb— the doctor anymore."
Slowly, the nurses stepped closer as the baby finally began to emerge.
"AGHHH!"
"There we go!" the doctor said. "A big baby boy! And with a full head of hair too… huh. I'll write that down."
The doctor scratched his head at the sight of the newborn's **fully grown spiky hair**, but after glancing at the mother, he simply shrugged and scribbled something on his clipboard.
"Here you go, ma'am. Your baby looks healthy and… chunky."
After the nurses cleaned the baby, they carefully handed him to the exhausted mother, who was gasping for air.
"Honey! He looks just like me!"
Hearing her husband's words made the woman smile softly.
"So… what should we name him?" the husband asked, leaning closer to both the newborn and his wife, his gaze lingering on her warm eyes.
"How about… Ren Akatsura?"
---
### Ren's Perspective
'System! Why is everything so blurry??'
[Host, you are a newborn. Your eyes have not developed enough to perceive things clearly.]
[At the moment you can only see objects within roughly eight inches of your face.]
[However, you are a Saiyan. Your vision should develop fully within two weeks.]
'Ah… alright then…'
Although his sight was limited, Ren could still see shapes close to him. A blurry woman was holding him gently, her voice warm and soft. Beside her stood a tall, indistinct figure.
He heard her whisper something.
Something about his name.
[Host, your mother has selected your name.]
[From this moment forward, you are Ren Akatsura.]
[I will update the database.]
'Ah… so I did get sent to an anime world.'
[Correct.]
[You are currently located in the world of My Hero Academia.]
'What kind of whack title is that?'
[A world filled with heroes, the main plot is in the hero school.]
'like that one Disney movie?'
[Close.]
the doctor returned with a report and handed it to the husband.
"Mr. Akatsura—"
"Call me Hikari, it's fine, doc!" Hikari laughed, patting the doctor on the shoulder.
"Mr— Hikari," the doctor corrected himself awkwardly. "Congratulations on your newborn. Also, here is the report I prepared."
"It appears your son has already inherited Mrs. Aoi's quirk."
"Oh really?" Aoi looked down at the baby again, curious.
Under the cloth wrapped around him, a small bulge at his butt moved slightly.
"Well, he was born with a full head of hair," she chuckled.
Then she looked back at Hikari.
"Wanna hold him? He's pretty fat though, so be careful."
Hikari nervously leaned in and picked up the baby.
A small smile appeared on his face.
Then sweat began forming on his forehead.
"Oh wow… he really is fat."
"Honey!"
"What?"
---
### Ren's Thoughts
'System… is that my dad? Why does he look like Gohan?'
Although his face oddly resembled Vegito, the messy hair and glasses made him look more like Gohan from that one movie.
Wait a second.
That wasn't the important question.
How the hell did I know what Vegito would look like in real life?
[To answer both of your questions, Host: when designing your backstory, God decided you should not receive a generic one.]
[By that I mean: you were not turned into an orphan.]
'Oh… he seems nice.'
[DO NOT CALL THAT BASTARD NICE.]
'Whoa, alright, alright. I won't. Calm down.'
[…Thank you.]
[I apologize for my outburst.]
[And for your second question.]
[God.]
'Alright, reasonable enough.'
Accepting the explanation, Ren tried focusing on the outside world again.
Or at least what little of it he could see.
"Well, what a cute little baby he is," the doctor said while leaning closer.
He instinctively tickled Ren under the chin.
Ren immediately grabbed the doctor's finger.
And twisted it.
"OUCH!"
The doctor dramatically fell to the ground, clutching his hand.
"QUICK! I NEED MEDICINE! PERHAPS SOMEONE WOULD— Ahem— kiss me on the cheeks?"
"...Is he okay?" Hikari asked one of the nurses.
"He's fine," the nurse said with a tired shrug. "He has a fast-regeneration quirk."
"He's just a perverted old man."
"Come on, Doctor Roshi. You still have patients waiting."
"Well alrighty!"
Doctor Roshi immediately jumped up, perfectly fine, and walked out of the room.
"Haah…" The nurse followed behind him, clearly exhausted.
The room fell quiet for a few seconds.
Then Aoi suddenly burst out laughing.
"Ha! Served him right."
---
'...System.'
'Why is Roshi here?'
'Why is he a doctor?'
'And why is everyone unhinged?'
[Host.]
[It is an anime world.]
[Please adjust your expectations accordingly.]
'...Alright.'
'If you say so.'
---
A/N: don't expect any deep writing, I wrote this shit for shit and giggles, also because I just got legend vegito so🤷
Also, no I won't be abandoning my mahito fic, I just got sidetracked by this.