P.O.V. Morgan Key Blackwood
I collapse onto my bed with a dull thud, huffing with no desire to ever get up again. I know I have barely three hours, at most, before I have to go back to sleep just to go to work again tomorrow.
Who said being an adult is better? Being able to go to sleep whenever I want and do whatever I want? Oh... right... I did. God, I wish I could punch my 8-year-old self.
I roll over to stare at the ceiling of my room and pull out my phone, looking for one of the many stories I like to read on Webnovel to see if anyone has updated. To my disappointment, no one has. I want to be mad at them, but then I remember they probably work too, and the pittance they earn from commissions to write more stories is barely enough to buy a shitty sandwich at the corner store.
Letting the phone drop by my side, I lie back and let out a sigh. Why can't my life be like one of those Isekais? Go to a fantasy world or some anime I know well, then become super strong and get all the girls in a super harem. I think anyone who has ever seen or read a fanfic like that would love to go to those worlds.
Well... there's the part about dying, and I've heard dying hurts. And I'm not a big fan of pain, if I'm being completely honest. Besides, who wouldn't want to go to a fantasy world with some cool system? You just go, get strong, and live your life to the fullest. Perfect! You're the motherfucking god of everything!
But right now, all I can think about is what to have for dinner before going to sleep... I guess noodles with a sausage and eggs again... I miss my mom's cooking.
When I stretch and jump out of bed, my vision suddenly warps and spins rapidly. Motherfucker! Did I stand up too fast again?! As the dizzy sensation slowly fades, I realize I'm not in my house... I'm... I'm... where the hell am I?!
I'm in some kind of dirty, ugly alley. I can smell the scent of the meadows, possibly the perfume of some cheap hooker who threw a used condom somewhere, and fermented trash that's been forgotten by the hand of God for who knows how long.
"What the hell? How did...?"
"Hehehe~" Suddenly I heard—both in my ears and inside my head—an amused and very sensual laugh. I looked everywhere but found no one responsible. "I don't usually mess with humans from the Creator's Alpha World, but I was sooooo bored... and then I suddenly heard your desires and thought... why not see if you're right? Entertain me a little, human. If you're capable of surviving a few decades, I might reward you..."
"Alpha World? Creator? Survive? What the fuck is all this?!" I scream at the heavens, trying to get an answer... but nothing. Just as I was about to turn around and try to go back to my house, a... a fucking interface appeared in front of me. "You... have... got to be kidding me... This is... that means... I... SERIOUSLY?! IT WAS A JOKE! DID YOU HEAR ME, YOU DAMN SEXY VOICE?! IT-WAS-A-FUCKING-JOKE!"
I shouted to the four winds to see if someone would hear me and send me back to my shitty bed, to return to my shitty job... I... this isn't what I really want... DAMN IT!
[Welcome, new and first user, to the "Absolute World Gacha" system] [Before beginning, would you like an explanation of where you are, why you are here, and how the system works?]
[Yes / Absolutely Yes / It would be a crime not to say Yes / Of course!]
I stared at the glowing letters in front of me, but what angered me most was that I couldn't say no... and even if I could, I'm sure this thing isn't a conscious system. I spent about 15 minutes punching—or rather, trying to punch—the screen in front of me only for my fists to pass through it as if it didn't exist.
Looking around and having no choice but to simply accept, I pressed the accept button. At that moment, confetti suddenly exploded everywhere, though I'm sure it's just a system thing. It glows, changing from a dull tone to a brilliant Gold color.
[Congratulations! Now that you have accepted, you will be given a series of instructions. You can only read them once, so make sure to read them well before closing them.]
[Instruction: Where am I?]
[Instruction: Why am I here?]
[Instruction: Mission or Objective?]
[Instruction: Gacha Guide for Dummies.]
[Instruction: 3 Days of what?]
Looking at the names, I couldn't help but sigh tiredly and simply press the first one.
[Instruction: 'Where Am I?' has been selected]
[Welcome to an anime world! Many people dream of being reincarnated, but many end up the same way: too strong or always doing the same thing. Because of that, we have altered things a bit. This world is and is not exactly as you remember it... after all, this is DxD!]
DxD? That overrated and, above all, overexploited fanfic-fodder piece of shit? Am I a fucking generic protagonist?!
[And first of all, no, you are not a generic protagonist...]
Shitty system... I hope you rot and...
[...A generic protagonist can at least survive without help. But here, you are currently at the very bottom of the food chain. You are a human with no awakened mana, no hero blood or reincarnation, no Sacred Gear to defend yourself, and above all... the world is not as you remember it.]
[Previously, the world was being slightly ruled by a "Breast Goddess." But the goddess responsible for bringing you here killed her, and now she controls it in a certain way. The only thing she did before leaving it to its fate and being able to watch you was to remove the logic that everything revolves around breasts or fanservice. It doesn't take away the fact that there are ridiculously sexy, hot, and ridiculously strong women. But now it is no longer an Ecchi comedy series.]
[This means that nothing is solved just by squeezing or sucking a tit anymore. Wars are real, the hatred between factions is real, and pantheons of gods take control and handle the supernatural world as they please. Those who have power can play with mortals however they want as long as they don't put the existence of the supernatural world in total danger. And most importantly of all: DxD is just the tip of the iceberg!]
[The goddess has a lot of free time, so she also killed some minor gods and mixed their worlds with the DxD world, so many things can change and the world no longer has a Canon or a protagonist per se. The world is fucked; pray to that dead god to see if they can save your soul.]
[End of Instruction: Where Am I?]
Reading this, I slap my face with my hands and let out a scream full of pain.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! The DxD verse was already a mess with power levels that were never really balanced if in the end you just needed to suck a breast to win everything. But now?! Literally, Sirzechs could disintegrate me into dust just by sneezing in my direction—and that's just to say the least, because if I, who barely watched the anime, am here... what the fuck will happen when things appear that were never mentioned in the series?!
I'm screwed... I'm extremely screwed and in absolute shit... with a look of indignation, I look at the next index and press it.
[Instruction: 'Why am I here?' has been selected]
[Basically, you asked for it. While the goddess was searching the original Earth—a land ruled and watched over by the supreme god of everyone in the multiverse, who uses the inspiration of his human children to make real the worlds they imagine with hundreds of millions of possible variables—the goddess managed to notice you. For fun, she took you after seeing how willing and eager you were for an Isekai.]
[Yes, your greed screwed you. Isn't that the norm these days?]
[End of Instruction: Why am I here?]
... "Mom always said: 'Silence is gold, but your big mouth is a curse'." I hit my face, cursing myself for wanting an isekai. I wanted an Isekai? Well, I got it, even if it's a piece of shit world and I'm going to get screwed in every way possible.
I was afraid to press this one... but with a sigh, I simply push it.
[Instruction: 'Mission or Objective?' has been selected]
[Your mission is... NOTHING!]
Eh?
[Yes, absolutely nothing! You don't have to go after a god, overthrow a deity, avoid an apocalyptic event, or any of that shit. You are free to live your life however you want... Just make sure you don't die.]
[End of Instruction: Mission or Objective?]
That gave me a lot of relief, honestly. Not being forced into anything is basically a free pass to live a new life wherever I want, do what I want, and see whoever I want. Basically, I can give the middle finger to anything supernatural and go straight to hell. With that and much more calm, I press the next instruction.
[Instruction: 'Gacha Guide for Dummies' has been selected.] [To no one's surprise, we give you a system. And since we know "how much you love RNG and luck," we give you a Gacha of the entire multiverse so you can survive with its help... or so it can mock you by giving you pure shit.]
I rub my temples. It's a fucking Gacha... it had to be a fucking Gacha... I already have shitty luck with these things and you give me one to survive in a world with literal gods... yeah... fuck you too, system....
[This gacha has many options and rewards, but it boils down to an inventory where you keep all of these... and what are they? CARDS! YES, CARDS! But they aren't just cardboard cards for a children's game. These cards have different properties. Objects inside them can be materialized. Characters can be assimilated so that you acquire their powers, perks, abilities, and knowledge. But you can also summon them to be your allies... although that depends on them, as they have their own will. They cannot kill or harm you even if they wanted to, but they can refuse to obey you and simply ignore you. There are exceptions like creatures considered "Pets" which will always obey you... as long as you feed them, of course.]
[There are more things it can give, but the system can answer any questions you have. However, it will only answer questions that are completely related to the Gacha. You cannot ask anything that doesn't have to do with the gacha, and you cannot use the gacha as an excuse to answer questions of any other type.]
[Every 3 months you have 3 pulls of 10 cards. The cards are separated into rarities from 1 to 5 stars. You will be provided with a small status/inventory so you can always see everything you get. It's all random, but your actions can also affect the events and things you obtain.]
[End of Index: Gacha Guide for Dummies.]
At least they have a relatively good system... although I see little use for it other than passing the time and seeing if something interesting comes out, since I plan on having a quiet life without disturbances anyway. When I see the last index, I raise an eyebrow, curious about the name... when I move my finger close, I feel a small sensation of doom... as if this were really going to change all my plans... with hesitation and thinking if I should just not touch that button, I force myself to do it and...
[Instruction: '3 Days of what?' has been selected.]
[3 days... that's all the free time you have. Once passed, you naturally emit an aroma, a sensation, or something that attracts everything supernatural to you, making you a tasty prey for the monsters hiding in every corner, a toy for some deity that might be interested in you, or simply making the wrong supernatural being dislike you and kill you just because they can.]
[This is so the goddess doesn't get bored with uninterested and unmotivated types... good luck, user... you'll need it.]
[End of Index: 3 Days of what?]
I look at this... I look at this shit... and my face turns pale... no... no no no.... NONONONONONONONONO NO EVERY ONE OF my FUCKING NOS.
"CURSE YOU, YOU SHITTY GODDESS, YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU REPRESENT, GOD DAMN IT!!"
[End of Chapter]