The low mood in Cagalli finally snapped into anger. She dropped to one knee by the bed and grabbed the boy who always seemed slightly off for reasons she could not name. Her grip was tight and unyielding.
"Why can't you look forward? Why are you so sure that if the past was a tragedy, the future has to be one too? You're a Coordinator, an MS pilot, so why are you afraid to fight for the future you want?"
Every word hit Siegfried like a heavy blow. As their relationship grew closer on this journey, he felt more and more small and shameful inside. Was Cagalli's sincerity wrong, was the inn girl's innocence wrong, was everyone on the Archangel wanting to live wrong?
Maybe none of it was wrong. From the start, Siegfried kept telling himself that he just had to wait for Hilde to come back for him, and once Hilde returned, everything would be fine. He did not want to accept feelings that seemed unreal to him, because no matter how close he grew to others, he believed he would leave in the end.
"I can't change anything. I'm not the same as you. I don't want any damn future."
Could he really not save that escape pod? After Artemis, night after night, Siegfried woke from the same familiar scene. Under the muzzle of a gun, the girl's innocent smile vanished in a burst of fire as they fell through the atmosphere, and he could not stop asking himself why.
"I'm scared. I'm scared of fighting."
From the moment he first climbed into a GINN and nearly died at Rau's hands, the fear had taken root. He hid it well, even from himself, and told himself he had gotten used to it. Three years of training and help from Haro let him gain the upper hand in battles with G units, but there would always be more fights ahead.
One of them was the looming battle that would wipe out the Eighth Fleet. If he insisted on saving the escape pod while fighting so close to the gravity well, once the GINN was dragged down, it would just be a GINN, not a Strike Gundam. Siegfried would not even need to wonder if he could survive, the result would be certain death.
If Kira grew more confused through battle and later learned what he could and wanted to do, then Hilde's promise was like a crack left in Siegfried's heart. Any courage or hope he gathered leaked out through it. The word "home" kept him going, but it also cut him off from the world around him.
Tears fell one by one onto the bed. This time, no matter how hard he tried, he could not force his mouth into a smile. Was he a coward, or did he just want to go home alive, something three years of training could not give him right away?
"Don't look at me. Leave me some dignity."
The words he never said were swallowed back with the tightness in his chest. Cagalli was always blunt and acted without much thought, and she pressed his head against her shoulder with one hand while gently patting his hair with the other. Her touch was awkward but firm.
"You're so stupid. If you're scared, just say it. Why keep it all inside? You idiot."
With Cagalli's strange way of comforting him, Siegfried once again felt the reality of this world within reach. As his heart slowly calmed, a thought surfaced that he had never allowed himself before. What if he did not go back?
The next day, with flowers of mourning scattered through the debris field, everyone on the Archangel gathered themselves and resumed the salvage mission. Siegfried acted as if nothing had happened and continued working as an independent search unit with Cagalli and Badgiruel. Their movements were steady and practiced.
"You seem different." Cutting large blocks of solid ice was trivial work for someone who could pilot an MS like Siegfried. In the middle of their coordination, Badgiruel suddenly spoke without much context, leaving the other two momentarily confused.
"Different? Oh, right, I didn't shower last night. We're still under supply control."
"Hey, we're in spacesuits. You could skip a month and we wouldn't smell anything."
Watching the boy and girl bicker with easy rhythm, Badgiruel thought of her younger self. Back then, wearing this uniform had filled her with pride, and she firmly believed the Alliance of Earth stood for justice. After facing the crimes committed by the Alliance yesterday, she realized that without Siegfried forcing the issue, she might never have questioned what she believed.
With everyone pushing themselves, the work sped up. They recovered not only daily supplies but even military ammunition. In truth, it was less about effort and more about wanting to leave this hellish debris field as soon as possible.
When Siegfried returned with Badgiruel, whose relationship with him had eased, and Cagalli, whose feelings were now harder to define, they reached Ganaku with the last group. They found everyone had stopped working and was gathered around an escape pod, whispering among themselves.
As the only one who knew what was inside, it would have been strange to say he had no interest at all. While Badgiruel commented, "You really know how to pick things up, Kira," Siegfried tossed Haro away and let it fly back into his hand. He then led the equally curious Cagalli forward to see the woman who would one day stand at the top of this world's food chain.
"Haro, Haro, Lacus."
With the familiar electronic voice, a pink spherical robot floated out of the escape pod first. Even Siegfried straightened up a bit, because if you were going to watch something unfold, you should at least watch properly.
"Thank you all for your hard work."
A voice that could be called heavenly settled over everyone. A pink figure drifted out of the pod like a painting slowly unfolding before their eyes. Siegfried could only think about how both were floating, yet this one looked so graceful while the one beside him always managed to crash into things.
What he did not expect was that before he could see the famous first close moment between Lacus and Kira, the first to react was the Haro in his hand.
"Haro, Haro, trash, trash."
"Haro, Haro, hit, hit."
The black Haro slammed into the pink one like a cannonball, sending it flying. It did not let up, chasing after it with clear intent to smash it to pieces. The scene drew gasps and shouts.
Siegfried covered his face in pain. It felt like walking his own dog, only for it to suddenly rush another dog halfway through, pure public embarrassment. He wished the floor would swallow him.
While everyone in Ganaku focused on the war between the two spheres, only Kira noticed the pink-haired girl's unsteady balance. He reached out and gave her a light pull to steady her. She leaned in without resistance.
"Ara, ara, ara, isn't this a ZAFT ship?"