The mission was life-or-death, the clock was ticking, and the fate of the Watson legacy hung in the balance. But Jay-jay stood in the center of the living room with her arms crossed, blocking the exit.
"Nobody moves," Jay-jay commanded. "Keifer, sit. Yuri, stop bleeding on the rug for a second. Seraphina, put down the wine."
Keifer looked at his watch, his eyebrow twitching. "Jay, we have less than three hours—"
"I don't care if we have three minutes! I'm not going into battle with a 'Ghost' who tried to ruin my life and a 'Spy' who wants my husband's torso," Jay-jay declared. "If you want to be part of this team, you have to pass the Section E Loyalty Test."
Yuri blinked, confused. "Is this... a written exam? Because I don't have a pen."
"It's better," Jay-jay smirked. "It's a trial by fire. Felix! Ci-N! Get in here!"
From the kitchen, Felix and Ci-N emerged wearing matching referee shirts. They placed a small wooden table in front of Yuri and Seraphina. On it sat two bowls and two very suspicious-looking eggs.
"Requirement number one," Ci-N announced with a whistle. "To be a friend of the Mutya, you must possess a stomach of steel. Behold... The 21-Day-Old Balut."
Seraphina stared at the egg as if it were a biological weapon. "I have eaten pufferfish liver in Kyoto and raw cobra heart in Vietnam. I am not eating a... fetus."
"Eat it, or I don't give you the decryption key for the Elders' firewall," Jay-jay challenged.
Seraphina looked at Keifer for help. He simply looked away and whispered, "Just don't look at the feathers, Seraphina. It's easier that way."
Yuri, surprisingly, cracked his egg open with a practiced hand. He slurped the broth, winced, and swallowed the whole thing in one go. "I've survived three assassination attempts this year. An egg won't kill me," he croaked, though he looked slightly greener than before.
Seraphina, under the intense pressure of Jay-jay's gaze, finally cracked. She ate it with the grace of a queen, though she looked like she was reconsidering every life choice that led her to this penthouse.
"Phase two!" Felix shouted. "Information is power. If you can't communicate with the streets, you're useless. Translate this sentence!"
He held up a cardboard sign that read: "mHuStA pUoH kAyOu mAnGa kA-E? lAbYhU pUoH sUoObRa!"
Yuri squinted. "Is this... Ancient Greek? A cipher? Is it a bomb threat?"
"It's Jeje-speak, you amateur!" Ci-N scoffed. "Seraphina, go!"
Seraphina stared at the sign with the intensity she usually reserved for stock market crashes. "It says... 'How are you, members of Section E? I love you very much.' Honestly, the use of alternating caps is a crime against linguistics."
Correct!" Jay-jay shouted. "Points for the Spy!"
"Final round," Jay-jay said, her voice turning serious. "To truly be part of Section E, you must lose your dignity. You must be willing to look like an idiot for the person next to you."
Ci-N produced a microphone out of nowhere. The intro to "Price Tag" by Jessie J started playing through the high-end speakers.
"You two," Jay-jay pointed at Yuri and Seraphina. "Duet. Now. If you don't hit the high notes, we don't move."
Keifer buried his face in his hands. "Jay, please. This is a war crime."
"Sing!" Jay-jay barked.
Yuri, the former terrifying leader of the Hanamitchi syndicate, held the mic with a trembling hand. "It's not about the money, money, money..." he rasped, sounding like a dying frog.
"We don't need your money, money, money!" Seraphina belted out, her opera training accidentally making the pop song sound like a tragic aria.
By the time they reached the chorus, Ci-N and Felix were backing them up with interpretive dance moves. Even Yuri started snapping his fingers, his "Ghost" persona completely shattered by the sheer absurdity of the moment.
When the music finally died down, Yuri and Seraphina were breathless. Seraphina's hair was messy, and Yuri actually had a tiny bit of color back in his cheeks.
"Are we... done?" Yuri panted.
Jay-jay looked at them, then at her boys. She saw Yuri's willingness to look stupid and Seraphina's hidden competitive streak. She realized that for all their secrets, they were just as broken and lonely as the Section E kids used to be.
"Fine," Jay-jay smiled, tossing Yuri a clean shirt and Seraphina a tactical jacket. "You passed. Welcome to the worst team in history."
Keifer stood up, checking the time. "Now that the circus is over, can we please go save Ci-N's brother?"
"One more thing," Ci-N interrupted. "We need a team name! How about 'The Watson Wingmen'?"
"No," Keifer said, heading for the door.
"The Poultry Protectors?" Felix suggested.
"No."
"The Mutya's Avengers?"
Jay-jay grabbed her gear and kissed Keifer's cheek. "Let's just go with 'Section E: The Reunion.' It has a better ring to it."
As they piled into the armored SUV, Seraphina leaned over to Jay-jay. "I still think the 'Jeje-speak' is a sign of societal collapse."
"Shut up and drive, Sera," Jay-jay laughed.