You know, life isn't half bad when you stop expecting anything from it.
I'd wake up at six, catch the 7:15 train, and spend the day babysitting diesel engines that refused to retire gracefully. Being a railway engineer wasn't exactly glamorous, but it paid the bills. No wife, no kids, no one to nag me about my sleep schedule.
Just me, my tiny apartment, and my ever-growing army of anime figurines.
Yeah. You heard that right.
A thirty-five-year-old single guy, secretly worshipping PVC goddesses from limited edition collector boxes. Pathetic? Maybe.
But at least they never judged me when I fell asleep with cup noodles in hand.
Anyway, that night was supposed to be different.
"Come on, John! You have to come! It's my bachelor party!"
That was Danny, my junior. Fresh-faced, loud, and disgustingly optimistic.
Somewhere along the line, he started treating me like an older brother. So of course I said yes. The guy was getting married. I couldn't exactly turn him down and go home to my shelf of waifus.
"Fine, fine," I told him, waving off his excitement. "But if you get drunk and cry about how beautiful your fiancée is, I'm walking out."
He laughed, like he always did.
And just like that, I found myself standing outside The Blue Rail Bar with a few coworkers, waiting for the rest to arrive. Neon signs flickered over the wet pavement, and the smell of grilled meat drifted from nearby food stalls. Everything felt… normal.
Too normal.
"So, John," one of them asked, "ever think about settling down yourself?"
"Hah. With who? My refrigerator?" I joked, scratching my head. "She's cold, but at least she's reliable."
Everyone laughed.
It was one of those easy moments, the kind you never realize are precious until—
HOOOOONK!
The sound ripped through the chatter like a gunshot.
I turned my head toward it instinctively — toward the blinding headlights bearing down on us.
What the hell—?
A massive pickup truck, black and dented, came hurtling down the street like some kind of steel beast. The driver's panicked face flashed behind the windshield, and for a split second, I saw red-and-blue lights chasing from behind. Police sirens.
He's gonna hit us!
"DANNY, MOVE!"
I shoved him hard — harder than I meant to. He stumbled back, wide-eyed, just as the truck screeched up onto the sidewalk. The world tilted. The impact didn't even hurt at first — just this deafening crunch of metal meeting flesh.
Then the pain came.
Hot. Sharp. Endless.
My vision spun, pavement turning into streaks of light and sound. Someone was screaming. Might've been me.
Ah… this is bad. This is really bad.
I can't feel my legs.
Wait— did that truck just…?
I tried to laugh, but it came out as a wet cough.
Figures. Die saving a guy half my age, and I don't even get a dramatic background song.
My eyes felt heavy. The world dimmed around the edges.
Then, in that fading silence, something… spoke.
> ["Confirmed. Resist Impact…successfully acquired."]
My heart froze. That voice—!
I knew that voice.
No way. No freaking way.
That's— that's the Voice of the World, isn't it?! The one from that slime anime!
Fuck ! Let's see ! I am feeling hot !
["Confirmed. Resist Heat…successfully acquired."]
My head spun. My heart pounded like a damn piston.
That voice wasn't stopping.
Okay—okay, calm down, I muttered, even though I couldn't feel my lips moving anymore. If this really is the Voice of the World… then… Can I, like, make a wish or something?
> ["Confirmed. Individual has entered a transitional state between life and death. Limited wish authority granted."]
…Wait.
Did it just say wish authority?
Holy crap. So this is it. I'm actually getting the isekai starter pack!
My whole body was burning, my vision was melting into darkness, and yet somehow, my brain decided this was the time to go full anime protagonist.
All right then! Let's go big or go home!
> ["Command accepted. Please state your wish."]
Heh. You asked for it. First off—give me resistances! Yeah, all of them! Heat, cold, lightning, wind, temperature—hell, even stabbing and blunt impacts!
> ["Confirmed. Resist Heat…successfully acquired."]
["Confirmed. Resist Cold…successfully acquired."]
["Confirmed. Resist Electric Shock…successfully acquired."]
["Confirmed. Resist Wind Pressure…successfully acquired."]
["Confirmed. Resist Temperature Fluctuation…successfully acquired."]
["Confirmed. Resist Piercing Attack…successfully acquired."]
["Confirmed. Resist Impact…successfully acquired."]
My chest rattled with what I think was a laugh. I couldn't feel my legs anymore, but screw it—this was the best dying hallucination ever. I could hear the screams of my colleagues but fuck them too ! Since I am going to die anyway, why should I care if they see what I have hidden in my computer…
Oh, oh! Add poison! Yeah, poison too! And… mental attacks! Soul attacks! Basically, I don't wanna die from anything dumb like bad sushi or depression!
> ["Confirmed. Resist Poison…successfully acquired."]
["Confirmed. Resist Mental Interference…successfully acquired."]
["Confirmed. Resist Soul Attack…successfully acquired."]
I grinned weakly. Nice. Now we're cooking.
The darkness around me pulsed, like I was floating inside an ink cloud. My heartbeat was fading, but I kept talking—half delirious, half hyped.
Next up, gimme something cool—like, uh, a unique skill! Yeah, Great Sage! The one that makes you smart as hell!
> ["Confirmed. Unique Skill: Great Sage…successfully acquired."]
I swear I could almost hear some heavenly chime echoing in my head.
Oh, and Predator! Can't forget Predator. I wanna absorb stuff! You know, eat things, learn their powers, the whole monster buffet deal!
> ["Confirmed. Unique Skill: Predator…successfully acquired."]
I was probably hallucinating by now, but I didn't care. My inner otaku was having the time of his life.
Okay okay—final form time! Give me… a slime body! Yeah! Make me like Rimuru! Regeneration, no pain, total invulnerability!
> ["Confirmed. Race Evolution: Slime…."]
["Extra Skill: Infinite Regeneration…successfully acquired."]
["Error. Invulnerability… cannot be granted."]
What?! Come on, you just said anything goes!
> ["Clarification. Absolute Invulnerability is beyond system authority."]
Tch… figures. Even in death, I get nerfed.
My laughter turned to a weak cough. The taste of blood filled my mouth—or maybe it was imaginary. Hard to tell anymore. My thoughts were drifting, but my mouth kept running.
All right… one last test. Let's see how far this goes… Give me something crazy. Like… the ability to control fate! Or, y'know, reality itself.
> ["Processing request… Error. Ambiguity detected in phrasing."]
["Result: Unique Skill — Jester's Trick…successfully acquired."]
Jester's Trick? The hell is that supposed to—
> ["Acquisition complete."]
The voice faded.
Everything else with it.
The heat, the pain, the world itself—gone.
Just black. Endless and soft.
Heh… guess I really overdid it this time…
And with that final thought, my consciousness slipped into the void.
…