At this moment, the protagonist of the scene—Jean Gunnhildr—wore an expression rarely seen on the serious, composed face that usually made mountains of paperwork tremble in fear.
Right now, her face was filled with a massive, unmistakable question mark:
Who am I?
Where am I?
Did I pick up the wrong script?
That said—
Jean was looking at Yichen.
Handsome.
Objectively handsome.
That sharp-featured face, carrying a hint of exotic coolness, looked like it had been copied straight out of the illustrations from The Melancholy of Miss Vera—the very novel she occasionally flipped through in secret during rare breaks.
But… but…
Jean's gaze was tugged by an invisible string. Unable to resist, she flicked a glance—fast, desperate, and filled with "can this world get any more absurd?"—toward the corner by the window.
Eula Lawrence.
The very same Eula Lawrence who had just been spectacularly "bid farewell" for the hundredth time at the city gate by this so-called "Mondstadt's Number One Devoted Lover."
The Eula Lawrence whose surrounding air pressure was now low enough to freeze an Ice Slime solid.
Her colleague in the Knights of Favonius—
sat right there.
Like an Ice-element bomb on the verge of detonation.
Young man,
you just finished your dramatic sunset exit,
and now you're charging in here with roses to confess to me?!
Are you.
At all.
SANE?!
Jean felt a headache coming on—hard.
"Hohoho~"
Just as Jean's mental defense line was about to snap, a lazy laugh crackling with high-voltage danger sounded beside her.
Lisa, the Librarian, had at some point put down her wine glass—the one whose stem already bore a tiny fracture.
Tilting her head, she examined Yichen with great interest, eyes shining like a cat that had discovered a fascinating new toy.
"Well now, little cutie~"
Her voice stretched long and soft, hooks hidden in every syllable.
"I've wandered Teyvat for many years and met plenty of brave souls, but someone like you—mm~ so decisive, seamlessly efficient, and boldly aiming straight for the very peak of Mondstadt~"
She leaned forward slightly, her unique scent—a mix of books and lightning—drifting toward Yichen.
"You're quite the eye-opener for me~
How about you try saying those words… to me, hmm?"
"Who knows~
You might receive some very… unexpected surprises."
"Please—don't make things worse!"
Jean felt her blood pressure spike violently.
Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to calm down.
She was the Acting Grand Master—
the embodiment of Mondstadt's order.
She couldn't stir chaos like Kaeya,
nor electrocute people like Lisa.
Jean stood up. Her movements were still knightly and elegant—though slightly stiff.
Her gaze returned to Yichen… and to the bouquet of red roses, which at this moment felt more dangerous than an Abyss Mage's fire staff.
She cleared her throat and spoke in a carefully measured, official tone—firm, unmistakable.
"Mr. Yichen."
Wearing white gloves, she extended her hand cautiously—like handling hazardous material—and accepted the excessively vibrant roses.
The soft petals only made the situation feel more troublesome.
"Thank you very much… for your feelings."
Her wording was as careful as drafting a diplomatic statement.
"However, I must sincerely apologize. Between us—whether in terms of status, responsibilities, or… emotional foundation—we are simply not compatible."
To emphasize the finality of this incompatibility, Jean even bowed slightly.
Golden hair fell over her shoulder, her posture flawless, textbook-perfect.
"I am truly sorry."
Her voice was sincere. Her blue eyes met Yichen's directly, filled with a silent plea that read:
Please stop here.
For Mondstadt's peace.
And for your own safety.
Opposite her—
Yichen nearly failed to maintain his "deep affection" smile.
Seeing Jean bow and apologize so seriously, his expression instantly switched to "overwhelmed by kindness."
"Ah! No, no—please don't apologize, Grand Master Jean!"
He hurriedly bowed back—even deeper than she had.
Straightening up, he returned to his harmless, sunlit smile, speaking as casually as if discussing the weather.
"Really! Please don't feel pressured at all!
I simply wanted to express my admiration and fondness for you!"
"Just like—well—how Mondstadt's citizens revere Lord Barbatos! Pure, sincere, straight from the heart!"
He even patted his chest solemnly to emphasize his sincerity.
"It's completely fine if you say no! I understand! One hundred percent! I was thoughtless and abrupt—my fault entirely! I've caused you trouble, and I sincerely apologize!"
As he apologized outwardly, inwardly Yichen was glowing.
First rejection: check!
Smooth process! Friendly attitude! Zero bloodshed!
Grand Master Jean is such a nice person!
Way easier to talk to than Eula!
At least she didn't pinch my waist!
…Wait.
Why does it suddenly feel cold behind me?
Must be my imagination.
Just as Yichen was mentally handing Jean a "Top-Tier Leader, Gentle and Considerate" award—
An arm clad in black leather gloves shot out like a hunting owl—
SNAP!
It clamped tightly around his neck.
"Woah—what the hell?!"
Caught completely off guard, Yichen was dragged away from Jean by a familiar force—reeking of alcohol and conspiracy—stumbling straight into the Knights' table.
Beer sloshed. Tankards clinked in protest.
"YICHEN!
MY GOOD BROTHER!"
Kaeya's dark face now glowed with an unprecedented, almost religious radiance.
He gripped Yichen's shoulders tightly and leaned forward.
"From today onward—
you are my BIG BROTHER!
My real big brother!
Closer than blood!"
"…Huh???"
Yichen stared at him, utterly bewildered, his face screaming 'did you drink fake wine and ruin your brain, Yuan Rang?'
"Captain Kaeya, you—"
"Brother!"
Kaeya corrected instantly.
"No captain talk—that's distant!
From now on, you're Big Brother Yichen!
And I, Kaeya, am your most loyal little brother!"
"BIG BROTHER!!"
"BROTHER YICHEN!!!"
The Knights who had just won money with Kaeya—still drunk on alcohol and spectacle—erupted instantly.
Voices thundered in perfect unison, red-faced, necks flushed, eyes burning with awe and eager anticipation for the next disaster.
The formation was tighter than the choir at the Favonius Cathedral—and somehow even more heartfelt.
Yichen was battered by this sudden wave of brotherhood.
"Uh—wait—why?!"
He scratched his head, his handsome face full of genuine confusion.
"I just confessed. Is that really enough for you guys to collectively adopt me as a big brother? Has Grand Master Jean's charm reached cult-level now?"
Kaeya didn't answer.
He merely wore a deep, inscrutable smile—a mix of "are you really this dumb?" and "this is getting good."
Then—
very slowly, very deliberately—
his single eye slid sideways like a stage spotlight…
toward the coldest, lowest-pressure corner of the tavern.
Yichen followed that gaze.
Turned his head.
And—
His smile vanished.
The color drained from his face.
The tiny pride he'd gained from Jean's politeness evaporated completely.
It felt like being doused head-on with glacier meltwater from Dragonspine.
Ice-cold.
To the bone.
In the corner—
Eula Lawrence still sat there.
And worse—
Right beside her, on the small table—
sat the bouquet he had given her earlier that afternoon.
The yellow daffodils.
Bright.
Silent.
Like a written death sentence.
Time froze.
Yichen felt his blood drop from boiling to freezing—
then instantly vaporize.
His mind went blank.
Only one phrase spammed endlessly across his thoughts:
I'm.
So.
Dead.
"Kaeya…"
He stiffly, inch by inch, turned his head back toward the "good brother" who had just adopted him.
"You tell me…"
"…if I punch myself to death right now—
and maybe take the entire continent of Teyvat with me while I'm at it…"
"…is it still salvageable?"
[Ding! System loli-voice live commentary:]
[Host-chan, that move just now—
this system hereby names it
'Mondstadt's Ceiling of Self-Destruction.']
[Out of 10 points, you score 8.6.]
[As for why you lost 1.4 points?]
[Because right now, Yichen looks about
1.4 seconds away from death.]