At this very moment, Yichen practically flew into a secluded, empty alley deep within Mondstadt.
The last remnants of sunset were sliced into shattered patches of light by towering buildings, barely illuminating the damp, mottled stone walls.
He slammed his back against the cold wall, chest heaving violently.
The lingering pain in his waist?
Eula's final, bone-chilling glare?
All of it had been thrown straight out of his mind.
He shut his eyes hard and began furiously "slapping" the system interface that had been silent all afternoon.
"Hurry up—faster!
System! I'm here to claim my reward!"
[Host-chan, confirmation complete ✔
Task: "Confess to Eula Lawrence 100 times" — SUCCESS]
[Evaluation:
Although the process was full of questionable choices and the ending somewhat abstract,
the workflow was complete and the spirit commendable
(refers to persistent clocking in and professional slacking).]
[Task Reward Granted:
Luxury Ten-Pull Lottery Ticket ×1]
[Initiate draw now?]
"DRAW!
NOW!
IMMEDIATELY!"
Yichen practically roared inside his head, fists clenched so tightly his knuckles turned white.
[O~K~K~!
As you wish~]
The system sounded like it snapped its fingers (even though it absolutely didn't).
[Ten-Pull Lottery Activated!
Lucky Roulette—spin spin spin~!!]
Accompanied by ridiculously over-the-top electronic sound effects—like cheap amusement park music—a massive, golden, rapidly spinning roulette wheel appeared in Yichen's mind, crammed with countless icons of wildly varying brightness and utterly unclear meaning.
[Drawing…]
[Basic Hand-to-Hand Combat (Beginner)]
[Weapon Mastery (Beginner)]
[Physical Enhancement ×4
Congratulations, Host-chan!
Your base physical stats are now roughly equivalent to FOUR Captain Americas!
Codename: Humanoid Self-Propelled Gundam (Youth Edition)!]
[Regenerative Factor (Deadpool-Class):
Immortal and indestructible, but increasingly abstract.
For you, this is a pure nerf.]
[Deliberate Devastation Punch:
HIT IT.
Accumulate "Heroic Aggro" (gained from being hit or provoked).
At full stacks, unleash a world-shattering punch with knockback, stun, and forced guard break effects!
Damage to female targets +500%, with added "Mental Shock" (Confusion) debuff!]
[No Discrimination:
Your son is not a woman.
Your wife is not a child.]
[Mamba Elbow (Ultimate):
Zero startup. Super armor. Unblockable. High crash risk.
Before or after activation, user MUST shout: "Man."]
"..."
The alley fell completely silent.
Yichen leaned against the cold wall, motionless.
The last rays of sunset cast sharp shadows across his face.
He looked like a frozen statue.
[…?
Host-chan?
Are you still alive?
Would you like to activate the beginner tutorial?]
A barely audible, trembling chuckle slipped through Yichen's tightly pressed lips.
"Heh… heh heh…"
The next instant—
The laughter exploded like a burst dam.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA—!!!"
Yichen threw his head back toward the narrow strip of dusk-stained sky above the alley and let out earth-shaking, hysterical laughter!
The sound was filled with extreme absurdity, wild ecstasy, and the pure madness of "I'M FINALLY ABOUT TO TAKE OFF."
He doubled over laughing, pounding the wall—
CRACK!
A fist-shaped dent appeared in the stone.
He laughed until tears streamed down his face.
"Hahahaha! Generous?!
This reward is WAY beyond generous!! Hahahaha!"
Still laughing, he waved his arms wildly, as if embracing a future drenched in pure, unfiltered absurdity.
"Four Captain Americas!
Immortality!
The Deliberate Devastation Punch!
And this—this ultimate 'MAN' elbow!! Hahahaha!"
He wiped away tears of laughter.
"Work?
Work my ass!!
Mondstadt! Teyvat! TREMBLE!!
Your King of Slacking—no—your GOD OF WAR—is about to make his glorious debut!!
HAHAHAHA—MAN!!!"
His shouted "MAN!" echoed through the damp alley.
As he excitedly practiced the starting pose of the Mamba Elbow on thin air, the system's voice dropped like icy holy water straight onto his head.
[Congratulations on completing the beginner guide!]
[Issuing Second Main Quest:
Confess—deeply and sincerely—to
Acting Grand Master of the Knights of Favonius,
Jean Gunnhildr,
for a total of ONE HUNDRED times.]
[Objective: With marriage as the premise.
Location: Unrestricted.]
[Please continue spreading the radiance of
'Mondstadt's Number One Devoted Lover'
to a broader horizon, Host-chan~]
[Quest Reward:
Luxury Ten-Pull Lottery Ticket ×1]
[Bonus:
Upon completion, the system may provide a
'Special Surprise Gift Pack'
(based on performance, contains high-value items~)]
Yichen's manic laughter froze instantly—
as if someone hit the pause button.
His elbow strike halted mid-air.
Eyes wide.
Mouth half open.
He looked exactly like a sea bass thrown onto dry land.
"SYS—TEM—!!"
"Are you a Confession System or a Suicide Mission System?!"
"WAKE UP!!
I just confessed to Eula a hundred times!
And now you want me to turn around and chase the Acting Grand Master?!"
"This isn't stepping on two boats—
this is piloting the Alcor straight into a thunderstorm and breakdancing!
I'll get cleaved into dumpling filling by the entire city!!"
[Your perspective is too small, Host-chan~]
[What if I told you…]
[…that in the next ten-pull reward pool…]
[…we would additionally, specially, and very considerately include…]
[…a pair of
Eternal Mangekyō Sharingan…]
[…and a
Northland Bank anonymous Supreme VIP Black Card Check…]
[…with a value sufficient to purchase
nearly half of Dawn Winery?]
[(Several tens of millions of Mora is just the starting point~)]
[After all~ your face resembles that "Uchiha Second Pillar"
by 99.9%!
Walking around with such a cool face but only normal eyes—
how unfair is that?]
Dead silence spread through the alley.
Yichen stood frozen, clutching his head.
Only the heart in his chest—
now reinforced by four Captain Americas—
was pounding at 180 beats per minute, like war drums.
Eternal… Mangekyō Sharingan.
And… tens of millions of Mora.
Buy half of Dawn Winery?!
Do you know what that means?!
It means—
This life.
The next life.
The one after that—
Never smelling Good Hunter's grease again!
Never hearing the forge's clanging!
Drinking dandelion wine while lying atop mountains of Mora!!
Never again seeing the word "WORK."
"Gulp…"
A painfully loud swallow echoed through the alley.
The next second—
Yichen snapped his head up.
All grief, outrage, and despair vanished instantly, erased by the blinding glow of "THIS SMELLS AMAZING."
He stood straight like a warrior marching to battle.
Right fist clenched.
BANG!
He slammed it against his chest.
"I'M IN."
Each word rang out sharp and resolute—
as if the terrified man screaming about getting cleaved hadn't been him just moments ago.
Yichen's face bloomed into an impossibly bright—borderline sycophantic—smile.
"You are truly—
the BEST system in the universe!
Past, present, heaven and earth—NUMBER ONE!
My admiration for you is as vast as Cider Lake—"
[Excellent, Host-chan!]
[Ever heard the saying?
True devotion never lasts—only schemes win hearts!]
[Those who recognize the situation are heroes!
This system greatly appreciates your flexibility
(read: money-loving instincts)!]
[System Bonus Granted:
Startup Capital — 1,000,000 Mora]
Yichen felt the once-pathetic little pouch at his waist—
which had held Sara's wages—
suddenly swell violently, stuffed by an invisible force!
The heavy, glorious weight of Mora—
that cold, metallic, beautiful sensation—
came through the fabric crystal clear.
[Use this "angel investment" wisely!
Flowers! Gifts! Candlelit dinners!
All proper "deep affection" presentation must be in place!]
[After all~
you now possess a Deadpool-class regeneration factor~]
[Lose an arm? Lose a leg? Minor inconvenience!]
[Get skewered by the Favonius Sword?
Sleep it off!]
[Even if Acting Grand Master Jean—or angry Mondstadt citizens—
decide to "axe" you…]
[…just perform a live demonstration of
"I've cracked" → "I've reassembled"!]
[Abstract War God fears nothing!
Go forth! Pikachu!
Charge toward Acting Grand Master Jean's office!
Initiate the 101st assault—
(no, wait—FIRST assault!)]
Yichen tightly clutched the bulging, heavy pouch at his waist—
a symbol of money-based superpowers and reckless immortality.
He inhaled deeply the wine-scented evening air of Mondstadt, eyes already fixed on the solemn spire of the Knights of Favonius headquarters.
On his face—
A complex, radiant glow composed of:
"Mora smells amazing,"
"Cool eyes are awesome,"
and
"I can't die anyway, let's go full send."
"Acting Grand Master Jean…"
He whispered.
"Your 'Number One Devoted Lover'…"
"…is on his way."