Will I always stay like this… alone and unwanted?
No love, no real friends — just silence and my own thoughts for company.
That night, I was lying on my bed, hand pressed to my chest, eyes full of tears. I kept asking myself, "Why am I like this?" Slowly, I closed my eyes, hoping sleep would hide my pain.
Just then, someone knocked on my door.
I wiped my face and looked up. It was Miko, our housemaid. She stepped into my room, smiling softly.
"Would you like dinner, young master?" she asked. "Madam wanted to know."
I shook my head, saying no.
She nodded lightly and turned to leave — still smiling.
That smile burned something inside me.
How could she smile when I was breaking inside?
"Miko! Come here!" I shouted.
Startled, she turned and walked back to me, still smiling in that calm, sweet way that only made me angrier.
"Why are you smiling like that?" I asked sharply. "Did my mother give you jewelry or something?"
She shook her head.
"Then why smile so much? Don't you see it annoys me?"
She blinked nervously. "What happened, young master? Did I do something wrong?"
"Forget that," I snapped. "Just tell me — why are you smiling?"
Her smile grew shy now. "Because… I met Gogo today."
I frowned. "You meet him all the time."
"Yes," she said softly, "but today was… different."
She stopped suddenly and covered her face, blushing.
Her reaction made me curious.
"What happened?" I demanded.
"I can't tell," she murmured. "It's embarrassing."
I stepped closer and gently held her hand. "Tell me, Miko."
She turned her face away, eyes down, and spoke slowly.
"I went to Lord Shino's palace for work today. Gogo was there too. I didn't expect to see him. He looked… different today — strong, handsome, and full of confidence. I couldn't look away."
She smiled faintly, lost in memory. "He was talking with other soldiers. They all praised him, saying how brave and loyal he was. I was just standing there, watching him."
"Then he saw me," she continued. "He came to me and asked what I was doing there."
"Get to the point," I interrupted harshly.
She gave a small smile. "Alright. He took me to walk in the palace garden. There was no one else — only us. The flowers were blooming, the air smelled sweet. We talked and laughed… and then, suddenly, he held my hand."
He put his hand on my waist and pulled me towards him.
"Uff… I was too shy and placed my head on his chest. He placed his lips on mine, I felt a shock but that feeling was completely different and unique.
We both remained like this for some time, then he put his hand inside my chest and started pressing my boobs, I started feeling like a fool but I could not stop him.
We both started loving each other for some time, he made me lie down on the velvety grass of the same garden and slowly started raising my leg.
She blushed again. "My heart started beating so fast. He looked into my eyes, and for a moment… it felt like the whole world stopped."
She paused for a moment, her face glowing.
"It felt so warm, so real. But just then, his message device rang — someone from the palace was calling him. He left quickly, and I just stood there, lost in that moment."
This is how she ended his conversation with her
She looked at me then — still smiling softly, her eyes dreamy.
And I… I couldn't move.
Her words hit me deep inside.
Because once, I had loved Miko too.
And she had rejected me.
I remembered everything — how I had confessed my feelings to her, and how she had said no, even though she was just a maid in our house. I had tried to forget it, but hearing her talk about another man so lovingly broke me again.
The pain wasn't only because I was alone — it was because I was alone because of her.
She was still smiling faintly, unaware of how much I was hurting.
I looked at her again — that same girl who once refused me — now glowing with someone else's love.
Something inside me twisted.
Tears filled my eyes again, but they didn't fall. Instead, my chest filled with anger, pain, and confusion.
I stood up and walked closer to her. "Miko," I said quietly.
She looked at me, confused. "Yes, young master?"
Without thinking, I took her hand.
She looked shocked but didn't pull away.
"What are you doing?" she whispered.
I looked into her eyes and said softly, "What I should've done long ago."
She lowered her head.
Her silence confused me — she didn't protest, didn't shout, didn't run.
That quietness made me step even closer. My heart was beating fast. I could feel my anger and sadness mixing into something I didn't understand.
I reached toward her, I started to lose my courage and I pushed her into the bed. She closed her eyes and lay down on the bed with a calm attitude. I undressed and came over her, I gently pressed her breasts, she hesitated but did not say anything. As if I was the one who was going to kiss her, she opened her eyes to me and placed her hand on my lips.
but she suddenly lifted her hand and placed it on my lips.
Her touch froze me.
She looked straight into my eyes and said in a calm, sad voice,
"You can take my body if you want, but you will never have my heart."
Her words cut deeper than any wound.
"My heart," she said softly, "belongs to Gogo."
I felt my chest tighten.
It was like a stone crashing down inside me.
Her voice kept echoing in my head.
"My heart belongs to Gogo."
For a moment, I couldn't breathe. Everything around me faded — her face, the room, the sound of my own heartbeat.
It was over.
Whatever little hope I had inside me — died that moment.
She stood there quietly, eyes full of sorrow, while I felt my world falling apart.
I turned away slowly.
It felt like someone had taken all the light out of my life.
That night, I couldn't sleep. Her words kept playing in my mind.
Her smile — that same sweet smile that once made my heart race — now haunted me like a curse.
And I realized something — the most painful thing isn't losing someone.
It's knowing that they were never yours to begin with.