Raon had fought countless monsters.
Stompable ones.
Punchable ones.
Ones that exploded into confetti when kicked hard enough.
Ones that shouldn't have exploded into confetti but absolutely did anyway.
But never—never—had she faced a threat like this:
A boss theme starting before the boss even spawned.
The whole arena vibrated with ominous violins, demonic choirs, and an 808 bass so disrespectfully loud that Raon felt her lungs try to resign.
"SHION!" Raon shouted over the music. "WHY IS THE BOSS THEME PLAYING WHEN THERE'S NO BOSS!?"
Shion held up her tablet, hair whipping in the artificial wind. "I—I don't know! The system says the boss hasn't loaded yet!"
The arena lights flickered.
The ground trembled a little too dramatically.
Somewhere, a disembodied voice snarled:
"PREPARE YOURSELF… HEROES…"
Raon clenched her fists. "See? Classic boss intro."
Shion shook her head, eyes wide. "No, Raon… the system says that's just the loading screen AI. The boss is still buffering."
Raon blinked.
"…Buffering?"
DUN–DUN–DUUUUUUUUNNNN
The orchestra went feral.
---
1. The Most Overdramatic Loading Screen Ever
A gigantic spectral wheel materialized in the sky.
A spinning circle.
A cosmic, glowing, slightly laggy loading spinner.
Raon: "…"
Shion: "…This is embarrassing."
The spinner jerked forward one percent at a time.
1%… 1%… 1%…
Every time it chugged forward, the orchestra blasted a dramatic chord.
DUN!
"2%"
DUUN!
"3%"
Raon kicked the air. "HEY! IF YOU'RE GONNA LOAD, LOAD PROPERLY!"
The loading spinner shuddered, offended.
The voice echoed again:
"HEROES… YOUR DEMISE IS…"
(loading wheel spins violently)
"…IMMINENT…"
Shion covered her face. "Raon, I think the system is glitching again. This boss fight was coded by the same dev who made the Cookie Consent Devil."
"Oh," Raon said. "So we're doomed."
---
2. The Arena Decides It's Tired
The ground beneath them flickered like a bad LED strip.
Half the arena became HD.
Half became 144p.
A tree in the background popped in and out like it couldn't decide if it wanted to exist.
Shion checked her device. "Okay, this is worse than I thought. The boss is trying to spawn in, but the patch download is interfering with the arena's stability."
Raon squinted upward. "Hey. Is the sky… uninstalling itself?"
The sky was indeed uninstalling itself, pixel by pixel.
Error messages floated by:
"TEXTURE PACK CORRUPTED."
"SKYBOX NOT FOUND."
"TRY TURNING IT OFF AND ON AGAIN."
Raon glared at the spinning wheel in the sky.
"YOU BETTER FINISH LOADING BEFORE I FINISH YOU."
The spinner paused —
"59%…"
music intensifies
choir screams in Latin
something explodes for no reason
—then slowed…
"60%… 60%… 60%…"
and froze.
Raon's eye twitched. "I hate this boss already, and it isn't even here."
---
3. The Boss Theme Gets Bored
The orchestra began repeating the same eight bars.
Over.
And over.
And over.
The violins sounded tired.
The drums sounded like they wanted to go home.
The choir coughed in-between chants.
Raon screamed at the heavens. "CAN WE FIGHT SOMETHING ALREADY!?"
Shion winced. "Raon, don't—"
Too late.
The loading spinner blinked.
A red error flashed:
"THE BOSS MUSIC HAS CRASHED."
The entire orchestra made a dying modem sound.
Then silence.
A single triangle dinged half-heartedly.
"Sorry," it whispered.
---
4. The Boss Finally Arrives… Sort Of
The arena trembled one last time.
The sky flickered.
The lights dimmed.
A massive shadow formed—
—then lagged—
—then unformed—
—then reformed at half its size—
—then stretched to triple size—
Shion gasped. "It's loading in PIECES! We need to—"
KER-BOOOOOOM!!
Something enormous slammed into the battlefield.
When the smoke cleared…
Raon and Shion stared.
And stared.
And stared.
Because the "boss"…
…was literally…
…a colossal, armored humanoid…
…with a giant progress bar where its face should be.
"The Buffering Behemoth…" Shion breathed.
"Codename: Laggoth."
The behemoth roared, but the roar came out delayed by five seconds.
Raon: "This is the stupidest enemy I've ever seen."
Shion: "You fought Baron Silence while he was stuck in airplane mode."
Raon: "Okay, SECOND stupidest."
The Behemoth raised a massive arm…
…froze…
…stuttered…
…and finally swung with about three frames of animation.
Raon casually stepped aside.
"Wow. Slow."
Shion: "It's dropping frames, Raon. Don't get overconfident—"
The Behemoth glitched, teleporting suddenly to the opposite side of the arena.
Raon spun. "HEY. NO FAIR. I DIDN'T SEE THAT MOVE."
Shion typed furiously. "That wasn't a move! It rubber-banded!"
---
5. When Rubber-Banding Becomes a Weapon
The Behemoth tried to punch again.
This time—
—it teleported behind Raon—
—then in front—
—then on top—
—then underground—
—and then exploded forward at Mach 20, propelled by pure lag energy.
Shion screamed. "RAON! IT'S RUBBER-BANDING DIRECTLY AT YOU!"
The ground tore apart.
The arena glitched violently.
Raon braced.
The punch hit—
—five seconds later.
Raon casually caught it. "Nice try."
The Behemoth froze in place, still punching, stuck in an animation loop.
Shion blinked. "…It's literally soft-locked."
Raon grinned. "Perfect. Time for a—"
The Behemoth suddenly snapped backward to its original position, rubber-banding so hard that reality shrieked.
Shion screamed. "RAON MOVE—"
Raon dodged by instinct as the Behemoth zipped around like a rubber ball with a bad connection.
"This thing fights like a laggy PvP player!" Raon shouted.
Shion nodded grimly. "We have to destabilize its connection more!"
Raon: "Explain?"
Shion: "Break its router."
Raon: "…"
Raon: "IT HAS A ROUTER!?"
The Behemoth turned its back.
There it was.
A glowing demonic Wi-Fi router, strapped onto its spine like a cursed turtle shell.
Raon cracked her knuckles. "Time to disconnect this fool."
---
6. Final Attack: "Kick to Reconnect"
Raon launched forward.
The Behemoth lagged left.
Raon predicted the rubber-band.
It snapped right.
Raon predicted it again.
The Behemoth froze mid-air.
Perfect.
Raon jumped.
A crescent moon of kinetic energy formed around her kick.
"THIS IS FOR EVERY LAGGY MOBILE GAME EVER—"
"ONE
KICK
DISCONNECT!"
Her heel smashed the router.
It shattered in a rain of exploding Wi-Fi icons.
The Behemoth convulsed.
Then—
It froze.
Then—
It despawned.
Then—
It respawned as a harmless chibi plush and fell over.
Then—
It finally died.
---
7. Aftermath (Shion POV)
The arena stabilized.
Textures reloaded.
The sky reinstalled itself like a Windows update.
Shion sighed in relief. "Good job, Raon…"
Raon stood proudly on top of the defeated plush corpse. "As expected of me."
Then—
A new loading spinner appeared.
Bigger.
Redder.
Angrier.
Raon and Shion exchanged looks.
Raon: "…No."
Shion: "…Not again."
The spinner boomed:
"INSTALLING PATCH 2.0…"
The ground cracked.
A demonic silhouette rose.
"…PREPARE FOR THE TRUE BOSS."
Shion whispered: "Raon… this one isn't buffering."
Raon's grin sharpened.
"Good."
---
END OF CHAPTER 107