Monday / March - 16 - 2015
Peter steps out of the safety and warmth of his house in this grim and cold morning - colder than the month would suggest it to be thanks to the weather. He takes a shaky breath and looks just for a second too long how the sight matches his mood and he simply sighs because of it.
Everything is grey.
The sky is darker than usual thanks to the clouds that left the streets dampened the previous night. The puddles everywhere look dark and murky, while even the plants seem to have lost their usual shine without the sun.
Every house seems to be devoid of anything shiny. It's all dull and quiet and… and it feels sad. It makes Peter want to head back home to try and find that sleep that got away from him the entire night.
Hours and hours spent in his dark room, only sitting in his bed while staring at that cursed file with his head swarming with so much and so little at the same time that it made him numb.
But now that he is outside of his house, he feels tired once again. Not physically per se, just… he is tired. And he can't come up with a single good reason as to why it would be a good idea to be in school today.
And then he spots her shiny and beautiful red hair out of the corner of his eye, with that vibrant color that is impossible for anyone to not notice and be momentarily awed by - even after having seen it a thousand times before - and his stomach drops.
Walking as gracefully, calmly and purposely as ever, even when she has a little drag on her feet and a sad look on her face, Mary Jane Watson steps in front of his house with her carefully applied makeup and weather perfect outfit.
Girl Peter cares oh so much about. Girl that he considers to be a best friend, much like he is the same to hers.
Girl who he lied to yesterday about what has happened. About what he has become.
"Hey, Tiger. How are you feeling?" MJ carefully asks as she looks at the sleep deprived Peter with bags under his eyes and skin paler than what she saw him just the other day. He looked overall weak and exhausted.
'…awful' he thinks as he locks his brown and tired eyes to his neighbor's beautiful green ones as he steps away from his porch.
She shoots him a soft look of compassion and condolence when their eyes meet. A look that Peter has rarely seen before on her eyes.
A look that feels almost like pity.
A look that Peter immediately dislikes to see directed his way.
"I'm… still shocked about what happened, y'know? How about you?" He asks with awkwardness in his voice, knowing better than just saying he is 'fine' while breaking eye contact; avoiding her pity-filled eyes.
"Yeah… same" MJ mutters sadly as they both start walking towards their school like they do most days. Now however, they are both quiet, with almost an uncomfortable silence between them.
Because what can they say? MJ knows nothing more than what the news said, and whatever condolences each had for the other were already said yesterday through their phone call. There is nothing MJ can think of doing or saying to make Peter feel better right now other than offering her presence.
And she assumes Peter is doing the exact same for her, because she too, is pretty shaken up about what happened. Curt was everyone's teacher after all, so of course she also feels grief for the man and his family.
Everyone in school must be pretty sad, she guesses.
He however was an almost miserable mess. More than a day had gone by and still no evidence of Spider-Man being on the scene had come to light, nor any indication of the authorities believing Connors turned into a monster - which should ease his mind to a minimum extent in the least.
But he can't, because he feels everyone's eyes on him.
It feels as though every single pedestrian walking around him is looking at him from the corner of their eyes with fear - as if they knew more than what they should.
Worst of all, he feels like, behind that look of compassion, MJ is also looking at him in terror. That's why she must be so quiet and distant around him today. And Peter knows it's logically impossible for this to be the truth, but he can't help it.
The eyes from everyone are weighing heavily on him. He feels like he is exposed to the world for the monster he now is, and that is drowning him and he needs them to stop so that he can breathe properly.
Everyone needs to stop looking at him. Now.
He can't handle the pressure of everyone's eyes on him. He doesn't want to feel everyone knowing what he did - he doesn't want to feel like everyone is rightfully afraid of him.
And-and he needs to leave wherever he is. He needs to go home, he needs to disappear, he needs to hide himself! He needs…! he needs…
He needs his mask.
But… what mask? He is no longer Spider-Man, he quit after his failure just last night. So what does he need then? What should he do?… Perhaps… perhaps he shouldn't have been so hasty in getting rid of his mask?
Of his identity?
No… Peter does not need or deserve to wear it. Even if it was a very real part of him. Because that mask represents everything that he single-handedly destroyed that night.
Peter doesn't know what he needs. Not truly. Not barely.
But he does know that he needs to be anywhere else other than at school, where he just now realized stepped in front of as he unconsciously looked up at the half raised flag on the front yard - waving slowly and almost sadly underneath the gray sky - for everyone to know that someone's life has been lost.
A life that once had been a teacher at this very school. A member of this made up family that the faculty wants to convey to make sure everyone is a bit more comfortable here.
And Peter's breath starts to quicken ever so slightly as he feels the mourning of many students all around him.
All silently looking at him. All knowing what he did.
All rightfully afraid of him.
"Peter?" MJ forgets the usual nickname she has for him as her worry starts increasing together with his breath. She wouldn't have believed that the news would hit him quite this hard.
He was quiet all the way to the school, but now he was really starting to worry her. He looks… he just doesn't look good.
And Peter looks back at her, meeting her eyes for the second time that morning. And he sees the concern laced in her beautiful green eyes; looking at him with the same level of care that she has always shown him.
Even when they get into their weird little awkward moments where she gets mad at him for what he needs - needed - to do behind the mask, with her being none the wiser about it, she always looks at him with caring emotions.
Happiness, enjoyment, fun, worry, concern, care… it's her looking at him right now.
It's her.
It's Mary Jane Watson, the girl Peter used to have a massive crush on because of her carefree, sweet and uplifting attitude. The girl who shines like a bonfire in the darkness of the night and manages to get a smile out of him despite everything.
His best friend.
Someone Peter… someone Peter loves.
Someone who deserves the truth from Peter…
"MJ I… I-" Peter started talking without really meaning to. Neither teenager really knew exactly what Peter was about to tell her. Maybe a reveal of some kind, something truly important based on the look of his eyes and seriousness of his tone "I need to tell you…"
"Yes?" And she braced herself in an instant, ready to hear whatever he was about to say with her heart skipping a bit by the serious gaze never seen before in Peter's eyes.
Unfortunately, their small moment was interrupted.
"Peter! MJ!" Someone called out both their names, snapping their attention between them to, who both teens easily recognized, Gwen, who was speed walking their way. Similarly to Peter, she looked sleepless and mournful.
And it was like a spell for Peter, where everything but Gwen and himself faded away.
She looked rough; with bags under her eyes, her hair a little less neat then usual, her skin paler than it already is and her face showing a shadow of sadness he'd never seen in her before.
Peter forgot all about himself and how he felt about himself in that second in favor of Gwen. He knows that what he did is awful and all that, but he has a lifetime of being able to experience regret and guilt.
Right now, he should prioritize Gwen's feelings, who was the actual intern of Curt and spent much more time with the man and his family than Peter ever did.
He has to be strong for her despite how weak he feels.
Just like his aunt would want him to.
Just like he always does.
And so, Gwen hurries a little faster towards his two best friends and basically throws herself at them with open arms, burying her face in between both their shoulders while trying and failing to keep her breathing steady.
"It's okay, it's going to be okay" MJ started saying with a soothing voice as she stroked Gwen's hair while Peter just stood there, returning the hug.
"They-they… I-it's awful, It-" Gwen choked with her words between her friends as some tears finally managed to escape from her beautiful blue eyes. She didn't wanted to cry.
She is a strong girl, and she is not really fond of showing weakness like this for everyone around her to see. But… what happened is terrible, and despite her crying session on her father's shoulder the day before, seeing her best friends really shattered the defenses she wanted to build up.
"We know" Peter says as he drew circles with his hand on her back in a soothing manner "W-we know…".
Peter wanted to say more. So, so much more.
Because just like MJ, Gwen is one of his most important people that he has the fortune to call a friend. One of his best friends.
Someone so usually cheery, smart, happy, strong willed and lovable and all the things that had made an even younger Peter Parker fall head over heels for her as well.
Another person Peter also knows he loves.
And now she is reduced to a quivering and heartbroken mess in his very arms, without her knowing that he is the very reason as to why the tragedy that is afflicting her 'happened' in the first place.
And if it were any other person Peter had… killed, then he would've revealed everything to her as he was about to do with MJ. Because she too deserves to know the truth.
He would've told them. Perhaps… maybe…
But…
Peter is once again hesitant to do so.
Gwen was Curt Connors intern, and she was an actual friend of the family. What would Gwendolyn Stacy - daughter of a police captain and one of the only students in the whole school who is not a Spider-Man sympathizer - do if one of her best friends reveals himself to be said hero.
'Hero' that killed her former boss, teacher and friend.
Peter thinks - Peter is sure - that it would be absolutely devastating for her to know that.
And once again, he wonders; does he want to share the burden of the truth with Gwen? To tell her that the facts are way more awful than she believes them to be? To stain the image she has of Curt Connors even further?
Yesterday, Gwen had called Peter to let him know in between her sobs what had transpired. And the only little sliver of comfort she had for herself and her friends is that the family most likely had inhaled the fumes and passed out before feeling the fire.
According to the news and the 'experts', the family had died a painless death in their sleep.
It makes Peter wonder if said experts are simply lying to the public just to not make the news any more grim than they already are. Lord knows that the city doesn't need more tragedies to be told to their full extent.
So, does he want to pop that last comforting bubble for Gwen? To tell her that the man she looked up to ate her friends alive? Does he want to describe the way The Lizard - monster that also terrified Gwen for everything he was and meant - tore open the little kid she was so fond of after doing the same to his mother?
Does he want to make Gwen be afraid and terrified of him?
No, of course Peter doesn't want to do any of that.
And he knows it's selfish and sinful and wrong and cowardly and inconsiderate and it just makes Peter feel even more miserable and self-hating.
But well… he had already made the decision of lying to everyone he cares for, hasn't he? Not only about what Connors and he did yesterday, but about everything really. Ever since the day that he was bitten and his life changed forever.
So what is a little more self-hate?
To Peter Parker, what is one more secret?
So now, he can only mutter what he hopes are comforting words to the girl he is so very fond of together with his other best friend.
"B-B-Billy…" Gwen muttered in between ragged breaths, barely containing herself from sobbing out loud and with tears already running down her cheeks.
"Hey come on, let me take you to the bathroom so you can calm down and fix that runny makeup. Will you be okay by yourself, Peter?" MJ asks while starting to lead Gwen away from the crowd forming around them, curiously watching as the blonde breaks down into quiet sobs after a few moments of holding onto her friends for dear life.
Peter was about to reveal himself - or something - to Mary Jane. But she had chosen to leave him alone in favor of Gwen.
Which he totally deserved, understands and supports because Gwen clearly needs her best friend right now to help her and he prefers - to some extent - being alone. He understands this… but a small little part in the back of his head finds that to be… hurtful.
Which Peter immediately feels selfish for.
"Y-yeah, of course. I'll tell the teacher something if you girls need more time" Peter said as his heart wrenched at the sight of the consequences of his actions, causing him to push his own feelings down.
Like always.
"Thanks" MJ says with gratitude and a shadow of a smile as she leads the still sobbing Gwen away from him, leaving him by himself in the sea of students that keep on surrounding him.
Alone, seeing their backs get away from him with slow and steady steps that make his heart wrench. Alone for his thoughts to return strongly, and he is suddenly reminded of how much he is hating himself right now because of all those feelings.
Weakness, Cowardice, Disgust, Fear, Disappointment, Sadness, Anger, Regret.
His mind floods with words directed at him; screaming over and over again as his mind flashes back to the moment where he first saw the bodies. He sees the entirety the fight again and again while walking alone through his school as if it was just another day.
And he realizes once again how messed up that is.
'… I'm insane' Peter thinks to himself while walking the corridors 'being here in the school, trying to pretend that nothing happened… either I'm crazy or I'm going to be. Why on earth am I even here!?… I-I'm out of my mind… c-completely out of my fucking mind…!'
….
As Peter is thinking of all of this with dead and unmoving eyes glued to the floor, he eventually reaches his classroom and takes his usual seat with automatic movements. As if he was on autopilot - not really conscious of his own movements.
He didn't bother or care to greet his classmates nor even acknowledge his usual bullies that were standing in the corner of the room while looking at him with varying degrees of pity.
All of Peter's classmates - including them - know that Peter and Gwen had a closer relationship with their teacher than anyone else. Gwen more so than Peter, but still, the point stands.
And everyone can tell he looks devastated. Perhaps all the death around him really does take a toll on him.
So far, the only one that had noticed the change amongst the ones in the room was Flash. He was aware of how the death of his uncle changed the innocent and nerdy kid they all knew to the sketchy and dodgy teen he now is.
And now everyone could be witness to his attitude being that of a heartbroken person.
*Sigh* So with that in mind, Flash Thompson sighed and motioned for his clique to go and at least try to make Peter know that they too feel sorry for the loss.
Sally Avril scoffed at Flash's signal, but followed anyway after her whole group. They had discussed at least saying something to the 'geek squad' that were so fond of that teacher yesterday at their hang out when they heard the news.
Needless to say, she was not very happy about it. After all, they all lost the teacher - one who wasn't even with them for that long; why should Parker and Stacy have everyone's sympathy when everyone felt sad about what happened?
Her opinion was unpopular - even her boyfriend Randy disagreed with her with an almost disappointed look that made her feel slightly ashamed.
And so here she was, with her entire group of friends surrounding Peter's desk with just enough space to not be seen as if they were about to jump him while he didn't even bother to look up from this one.
"Uhm, Parker?" Called Kenny after a few seconds of awkward silence. It seemed like Peter was off in his own little world with a distant and broken gaze.
"…" and because of it, he didn't answer.
"Pete?" Asked Liz as she got worried by Peter's expression. Never having seen it before on him.
No one had. And no one liked it.
"Yo, Parker!" insisted Randy, also getting slightly worried by the way Peter's brow furrowed.
"…" but Peter still held his silence. Remembering in his head the moments when Curt recognized who he was, only to ask him to end his life.
And just like many times before, when Peter didn't know where to direct or handle his emotions, he started getting angry.
Angry at the injustice that was everything, all of this. He just wanted to help, he didn't mean for any of that to happen. It's not his fault that Connors turned into a monster or that he killed his family, so why should he be the one to kill him?
Why should anyone die for that matter?
The answer is, they don't. They didn't.
And Peter knows that Connors even admitted to all of this not being his fault, so why can't his brain just accept that in the least, Martha's and Billy's death aren't on him?
That thought feels him with rage.
How can it not? He betrayed everything he stands for and he's trying to search for ways to make himself feel better? To shift the blame away from him? That's disgusting.
He doesn't deserve to feel better.
He deserves to feel regret, and sadness and anger at everything that happened.
All of it was a mistake. Wrong. Something that Peter should regret and feel angry at.
And he does. He feels incredibly regretful for everything that happened, and he feels as though the whole world is looking at him with flaming eyes, burning holes into his chest to see the darkness that is taking over his heart.
And he wants it all to stop because he hates it.
He hates what happened. He hates all of it.
And he is angry because of it. At Connors, at himself, at every single person that is looking at him because he needs them to stop! He is angry, rageful, livid even and he-
*SLAM* "PARKER!" Flash interrupts Peter's train of thoughts as he yells his name and slams his hands on the left side of his table, where all the boys are standing right in front of the girls.
"WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?!" Peter shouts as he looks at Flash with his teeth bared in frustration while standing up very abruptly, sending his chair crashing into the empty desk behind him.
He had problems far too big to be indulging in Flash's and his clique's need for attention. And he did not react fondly of having his thoughts interrupted by someone he doesn't even consider to be a friend.
Peter is feeling very angry at everything right now.
The entire room went silent; silent enough for Peter to hear everyone snapping their heads in his direction with shock while Flash took a step back away from him in surprise.
"W-what is your problem?!" Asked Sally once she regained her composure. Her friends and her approached him to say some nice words and he yelled at them for it?
" 'My problem'?!" Peter asks with narrowed eyes at the cheerleader who is standing on his right side "What the hell do you mean 'my problem'?!"
"Easy Parker" Randy said with almost a warning-like tone in his voice at the way that Parker talked to Sally.
"Uh, dude. Your problem is that you're literally yelling at us" Kenny tried to be the voice of reason for once, placing his hands up in mock surrender with a nervous look on his face.
Worry that painted almost everyone's faces in the classroom after Peter's angry yell. Never had anyone seen the usual wallflower so pissed at anything, much less with his bullies when they are trying to be nice to him for once.
Jessica Jones had half a mind to stand up and speak to either side to calm things down and keep the situation from escalating, but her shyness kept her from doing so. So she, as all the other classmates, just kept their silence as the situation unfolded.
"I'm the one yelling?! You're drilling my goddamn ears with all your shouting!" Peter answered Kenny with gritted teeth while tapping his ear repeatedly in frustration.
"That's because you didn't answer!" Sally yelled back much to Liz's concerned look.
"Well, now I did!" Peter says as he motions his body clearly looking towards her in almost a mocking manner, only to bark at them again "So, what?! What is so urgent you just can't wait to tell me?!"
"Don't you take that tone with us Parker! Just because we feel sorry for your ungrateful ass doesn't mean you get to be a jerk!" Flash claimed with narrowed eyes as he stepped forward again with an accusatory finger, not liking one bit how that nerd is treating them.
And Peter tensed at the word.
" 'Sorry'?! Why the hell would you- would any of you be sorry for?" Peter asks as he looks around him, noticing how everyone in the room is looking at him in surprise, intrigue or just plain awkwardness.
But he doesn't care about that because he already knows the answer. They feel sorry for the loss of the teacher he's close with.
They don't know he killed the guy, but that doesn't matter to Peter. The moment he hears that word he is suddenly transported back to that basement, where he still has his arm through Connors while he mutters his last word.
That word.
'Sorry'.
And Peter absolutely despises that fucking word, everything it stands for and all that happened around it. So he starts feeling his heart rate increase in his chest, his head throb and his broken arm itch as he feels everyone's eyes lay heavily on him again.
He really should've stayed home.
"W-we all know you admired Dr. Connors, Pete. We just… thought it'd be nice to let you know that we're sorry for what happened" mutters Liz sadly as Peter's face changed from an awkward anger to grief.
"Yeah man, we just wanted to say that. No need to get so worked up 'bout it" Randy mutters cooly as he feels the anger he felt when Peter yelled at Sally flow out of him once he saw Parker's face.
"It's messed up what happened…" Kenny mutters as he looks away. He liked the teacher - even if he knew Connors only saw him as an idiot, he was nice about it.
Kenny's comment ignited a conversation among all of the remaining students where they each shared their thoughts and opinions on how tragic and messed up the situation was.
And every single word stabbed Peter like a knife.
*Sigh* 'I really should've stayed home' Peter thinks as he closes his eyes somewhat tightly to try and steady his heartbeat and his now increased heavy breathing 'I-it was a mistake coming here…'.
"Believe it or not Parker, everyone feels sad over what happened! You don't get to pretend to be specially sad!" Flash said as he took Peter's stance and sigh as a sign of him being annoyed by his classmates "This isn't like the time your uncle died, y'kn-!".
The moment Flash said this, he snapped his mouth shut and closed his eyes with a groan. He knew he screwed up by the way everyone turned to him with wide, incredulous eyes while shutting up immediately.
The only ones who muttered something was Kenny and Randy, who each said "Oof!" And "Jesus man, too far" respectably as they turned their heads away from him.
Liz and even Sally gasped at him when he said that, making him flinch awkwardly at himself while opening his eyes slowly and almost shyly.
"T-that wasn't… I didn't mean-" Flash tried to explain himself to Peter and everyone almost immediately after, knowing it was messed up to bring Peter's dead uncle into the conversation like he just did.
He may not like Peter's attitude, but even that was a bit too far for him.
"What the fuck did you just say to me?" Peter asked with narrowed eyes and a tone that suggested no one would like to hear an answer as he interrupted Flash, making everyone in the class silent yet again.
"I-I'm sorry, I didn't-" Flash tried saying again, thinking how he sincerely didn't want to bring old man Ben into the conversation.
He just wanted to tell Peter that he doesn't want to see him change yet again. Flash and Peter go way back, to even before Peter lived with his aunt and uncle.
So Flash has had a front row seat to Peter Parker's life, giving him a deeper understanding of the boy than most people have. So he has seen how death has affected him.
When his parents died, Peter became very sad, which was the main reason why Flash started bullying who was once his best friend.
Then Ben died last year - man Flash actually liked - and Peter became this dodgy and creepily-secretive guy that always seems to be in a hurry to get away from everyone, even from his closest friends.
And now with Connors he looks… scared? Angry? Flash is not sure, but whatever it is, it simply can't be good for him or to anyone close to the boy. It never is. Which is what he wanted to say, but his words failed him as usual.
There's a reason why Flash is on the football team and not reciting poetry. He's not really smart when it comes to words and he knows it.
"I don't want to hear your apologies, Eugene!" Peter interrupted with another shout, causing Flash's irritation to spike up.
He knows he kinda screwed up, but Parker wasn't even letting him apologize for it.
"Parker, you need to calm down" Randy said with his eyebrows furrowed.
"Flash didn't mean to say that, Pete" Liz also said but more softly, hoping to ease Peter even if a little "he just wanted to apolo-".
"I don't care what he meant!" Peter yells and interrupts Liz as well, making her feel small.
Peter had never treated her that way before, not even after her dad was arrested and she started being an asshole to him because of the way he ditched her at prom. He had always been nice and sweet to her, no matter how she treated him.
But Peter doesn't want to hear anyone apologizing to him, not now. Not ever. And much less when he is the one at fault for what happened.
Because how can he smile and say 'thank you' when someone apologizes and offers condolences to the killer of the man they are mourning?
It's messed up. It's revolting. It's wrong and Peter is having a real hard time in controlling himself not to break Flash's jaw after what he said about his uncle and then having the nerve to apologize to him.
Because the worst thing for Peter, unbeknownst to Flash, is that he is right. This is not like Ben's death. Because back then, Peter was responsible for his death, but not the murderer itself.
This time he is.
"Don't yell at her, you weirdo!" Sally defended the shocked Liz while placing herself in front of the Liz.
"Uhm, Parker, you really need to calm down" Kenny muttered again.
"Yeah?! Well why don't you tell your friend here to keep out of my goddamn business and then no one needs to calm down?!" Peter says as he turns to look at an embarrassed looking Flash "How about that?!
Embarrassment that is quickly turning into anger.
"He didn't mean-" Randy started saying similarly to Kenny.
"I don't give a fuck!" Peter barked again, looking at Randy dead in the eye for a few moments, to then shift his attention to everyone surrounding him "Why are you guys even saying 'sorry' to me?! Who told you I wanted your pity or-or whatever this is!?"
"We were trying to be nice!" Sally stated the obvious, trying to hide how hurt she actually feels.
She doesn't care what Parker thinks or anything. But… she was really trying here. Randy kinda forced her, but in the end coming to his desk to try and make the boy feel a bit better was totally her choice.
And seeing just how much contempt he has for her and her friends… it really does sting. Because she too has known Parker for many years, not as much as Flash has, but enough to know how much of a sweet guy he actually is.
Seeing him talk with that language, with that scowl on his face as she tries, really tries, to be empathic with him actually makes her feel sad.
And that too, makes the proud girl angry on the outside.
"But why?! Why be nice to me? Why now? Why you of all people?" Peter asked the group as his voice started getting quieter and quieter, almost as if he was asking that question to himself.
And he was in some measure.
Because for so long, Peter wanted to belong, maybe not in Flash's clique, but generally in school. But aside from Gwen, MJ, Harry and Chat, Peter had always been casted aside by everyone.
So why now? Why be nice to him after years of bullying and ridicule?
Why change their attitude towards him after what he did? When he no longer deserves it?
"…" and the group stayed silent at that, not really having a good answer for the boy. It's no secret that the jocks and cheerleaders hold little more than dislike for the boy, so the questions are valid to everyone's ears.
Even theirs. And that too, hurts.
*Scoff* "If you want to be 'nice' to someone, be it with Gwen … she is the one who needs and deserves it" Peter mutters after scoffing to their silence "but please, leave me out of this pity party you have going on. I don't need pity. Not from any of you… not from anyone" Peter finishes with gritted teeth.
Pity… oh, how Peter hates feeling pitied. Almost as much as he hates the 'S' word. It makes him feel small and powerless, something he can't allow himself to be.
Not even now that he quitted being Spider-Man.
Peter Parker simply can't allow for weakness in his life.
He can allow himself to feel sad, scared, broken, and small, but it will always be masked by a bright smile on his face for everyone else to see.
A mask he doesn't let slip when he is around people he doesn't like or fully, FULLY, trusts. And now… Peter is not sure there is someone that can fit that description.
And right now he is simply… indulging himself to show an inkling of how angry he is at the injustice of it all.
"You know, you can be a real asshole, Parker" Flash says after seeing the hurt expressions on Liz and Sally's faces, even if they are trying to hide it.
"Takes one to know one, right?" Peter mocks as he looks at Flash straight in the eyes.
"You better watch how you talk to me, nerd" Flash snarls as he takes another step forward and gets up on Peter's face. Unlike any other time however, Peter does not take a step back.
"Easy, dude. We don't want you getting another warning from the principal, do we?" Randy said as he placed his hand on Flash's shoulder to stop him from doing something rash.
"…" Flash remained quiet, looking directly at Peter who also kept his eyes on him without breaking eye contact.
Until the smaller of the two spoke with a tired and seemingly bored tone "Aren't you done here? What the hell do you want now?"
In reality Peter just wanted to be left alone by these people without looking for trouble. He is too mentally drained to get into a discussion or fight with anyone right now.
Sadly, Flash didn't know that.
"I'm done whenever I feel like it!" Flash barked in Peter's face as he grabbed the collar of his shirt "any problem with that!?"
"Dude, stop it!" Kenny said with a worried face at his friend's attitude towards the clearly distraught boy.
"Flash!" Liz yelled at the same time as many students started looking away from the inevitable beating Parker is about to take once again.
"Get your hands off me, Eugene" Peter said with a whisper only hearable to Flash and his clique in a calm rage "I'm really… not in the mood to deal with this shit. Not today".
"Tough luck, nerd" Flash replied with gritted teeth. This… isn't how things were supposed to go. At least not today. But before Peter could retort something else, someone else shouted from the door.
"Flash! What the hell are you doing?!" MJ yelled, standing next to Gwen, Betty, Glory and interestingly enough, Emma, who was also trying to console the saddened Stacy girl even if a little bit.
They entered the room to see Peter being held up by his shirt while surrounded by his usual bullies.
Which made MJ yell that to Flash.
Emma was about to do something as well. Perhaps use her powers to make the blonde jock stop or maybe even yell at them to stop whatever it is that they are doing to Peter.
But she second guessed herself when she saw Peter's body tensed like that. He's angry, she noted. So she stopped to see how Peter was going to handle this; perhaps this was the day Emma has been dreaming of, when Peter finally teaches the guy a lesson.
But instead, Flash simply huffed and released Peter somewhat roughly as he stepped away from him; neither breaking eye contact with each other, making Peter unable to see Emma standing behind his eyesight.
Not even when Betty, Glory and MJ started questioning the jocks on just why the hell are they circling Peter like that did the two boys look away from each other.
The only thing that managed to break the staring contest was MJ when she addressed Flash amidst all the yelling in the classroom.
"Jesus Christ, Flash, can't you even be a little empathetic today!?" MJ complained as she motioned to the heart broken Gwen who looked worried for Peter.
"I was trying to be! But this little shit just can't help himself to stop being an ass!" Flash accuses in a petty manner at MJ's accusation "he's acting like the victim here, being all mad when we're trying to pity him, as if he was more hurt than any other person here!".
Words that didn't sit right with a certain blonde.
"And who are you to pity him?" Emma interrupted with her icy tone and fury in her eyes. Knowing perfectly that yes, Peter had more reason to feel bad for the news since he was there to witness what happened, but unable to help in the end.
Not that he didn't try to.
Since, Emma is the only one who knows that her boyfriend ended up with a broken arm, a concussion and many other injuries when a literal burning house came crashing down on him while he was trying his damn best to help, she knows he does have a right to be as mad and sad as he wished to be.
Everyone turned to look at the blonde who said that, and saw Emma Frost looking unbelievably angry at the other blond.
Knowing her attitude, everyone in the class just braced themselves to what is going to be an ego fight between the jock and the haughty girl.
The only one that looked relieved by her presence, is Peter.
His eyes fell on her beautiful face with neatly applied make up and carefully picked clothes that complimented her body and he suddenly felt a weight off from himself.
His shoulders visibly relaxed once his body was fully turned to hers, same as his eyes and eyebrows who let go of their scowl in favor of a more soft look.
"…Emma" Peter muttered quietly to everyone's ears; his voice full of emotion and something some even recognized as 'need' the moment he saw her.
Practically glow appeared in his eyes, as if the only person who could ease his heart in the world just arrived for him.
"What the hell does that even mean?! We were trying to be nice for a change! And he just spat on our faces!" Sally complained as she folded her arms. Still trying to hide her hurt feelings behind pride and anger.
*Scoff* "You people trying to be nice? Please, don't make such untasteful jokes. If you were indeed trying to be nice you would've left him alone the moment you saw him getting upset" Emma started saying as she neared Peter while everyone else listened to her "and why would any of you think he would - what? Appreciate your pity?
It's ridiculous. You spend your life treating him like shit and the moment something bad happens you suddenly want to be considerate of his feelings? It's so laughable it borders the embarrassing" Emma finished as she neared Peter, uncaring of the awkward faces of her classmates and the furrowed brows of Flash's clique.
"Hey…" Peter greets Emma with a tired but genuine smile, feeling glad to finally see her after the two week break and what happened.
"You didn't sleep much last night, did you?" Emma asks out loud as she places her hand on his right cheek, prompting him to nuzzle on her hand.
"Is it that obvious?" Peter asks as he hides the shadow of his small and tired smile with her hand as he gently grabs it with his own and kisses her palm very gently in a quick and sweet gesture.
Something only a handful of people saw. Some felt awkward for the intimate moment being displayed so casually in the middle of the classroom, while others felt somewhat annoyed, but neither Emma or Peter cared. They had been apart for long enough, and Emma appreciated feeling so needed by someone so powerful as Peter.
"It is. Let's go get you something to drink" She answers soothingly, trying to calm him down from whatever this drama fest was as she smiles a blushing smile due to Peter's act.
"Yeah… I'd like that" Peter answers gratefully, wanting to leave the class almost desperately.
"Wait, you can't leave, the class is about to start" MJ worriedly informed Peter as she neared him as well, causing Emma to send a glare her way.
"Calm down, Watson, I'm taking him to the cafeteria, we won't take long. And even if we do, what's it to you?" Emma said with her icy tone, causing MJ to also frown at the blonde.
"I care because Peter has been late to enough clases already!" MJ excused herself somewhat lamely.
In reality she didn't like that Emma was prioritizing Peter, unlike her who ditched him in favor of Gwen.
Perhaps she could've found a way to look after both her friends without leaving one to the mercy of the bullies when they were in such fragile condition.
She… she should've done better, because now Peter was leaving with Emma, leaving her behind as she had once before.
The situation felt… similar to MJ. Uncannily so. And she can't quite place her finger on it, but she simply knows she doesn't like it. Like she definitely didn't like how Peter kissed Emma's hand like that.
"Oh? So now you're throwing that in his face? Like you always do?" Emma took the chance to make that redhead look bad in front of Peter. Which seemed to work since he avoided looking at her.
"T-that's not what I meant" MJ mumbled, knowing she does indeed scold Peter somewhat regularly and throws things in his face when he does something she doesn't quite like.
But that's only because she worries about him! And she dislikes the way Peter has changed this last year when it comes to his responsibilities! And-and she wants to help him be the guy she wants and needs back to how he was!
Everything she does when it comes to Peter, she does so that they both can be as happy as they were almost a year ago! She-she's never meant to make Peter sad!
She never will!
"Darling, what you mean is not what matters. How you make him feel, is" Emma said as she shot a winning grin to MJ.
"No one cares how Parker feels!" Sally screeched for everyone to hear, successfully gaining everyone's attention.
"Sally, calm down a bit" Randy pleaded softly to his girlfriend, not seeing how saying that particular sentence would help the situation.
Much less with the way Peter's face crumbled once again.
"NO! I mean, Jesus Christ! Are you even listening to yourselves?! A man died and you're thinking of a worthless nerd!" Sally yelled as she felt embarrassed by both Peter and Emma and now ignored "This is ridiculous!"
This however caused everyone - even the jocks - to flinch yet again, much like they did when Flash mentioned Peter's uncle. Which made their little group and every student in the class start talking amongst themselves about the ridiculousness that is happening right now, with Randy almost scolding Sally for her blunt words.
"L-Let's just leave" Peter whispers only for Emma to listen to as he hears the truest statement since he did what he did.
A man is dead, how he feels doesn't matter.
"…okay" Emma replies almost sadly while squeezing his hand for comfort again, knowing that Sally's words hurt him deeper than anyone could realize.
"Why are you still taking him away?" MJ asks with a glare as Emma starts dragging Peter away from the classroom.
*Ugh* "If you had the attention span of someone older than 5 years you would've heard that we are not taking long. And even if we do, we have geography today, which Peter has not been late yet" Emma explains with frustration at being stopped by the red head once more.
Just as Emma and MJ were starting to exchange words, Harry entered the classroom.
And he sighed with tiredness at how everyone looked tense while surrounding his best friend. Guy who, for some reason unknown to Harry, always felt like the center of attention.
But well… something tragic happened, and he is not as petty as to not have a word with the guy. So the Osborn heir approaches Peter, and starts having a quiet conversation with him after tapping his shoulder.
"Hey man, how are you doing?" Harry asks as he successfully gets his best friend's attention away from the two bickering girls.
"I, uh *sigh* damn man. I've been better" Peter admits with a tired sigh, feeling somewhat grateful to see another friendly face in the room.
"Yeah, I hear you…" Harry answered back, thus starting a little small talk between the two friends.
All while things keep getting a bit more heated up between the girls.
"Why are you such a jerk all the time?" MJ asks with offense at Emma's words, loud enough just for both of them to hear "don't you get tired of it? Of being mean to literally everyone but Peter apparently?"
"It is tiresome to deal with people like you, yes" Emma agrees mockingly with the same volume.
"Yeah? And how long until you say the wrong words to Peter over there and he finally breaks up with you? Hmm?!" MJ questions with a mocking frown, feeling uncharacteristically happy at the fact that Emma seemed genuinely taken aback by that.
"I… Peter wouldn't…" Emma faltered in her words for the first time, and looked back to see that Peter wasn't interested in her conversation, favoring talking with Harry.
She doesn't know it, but Sally's words really did affect him badly, so he finds Harry's distraction as a blessing until he leaves the room with Emma.
"Wouldn't he?" MJ asked while gaining a small winning smirk "I don't think it will be long before you start behaving like you always do but with him. And what do you think will happen after?"
Emma hesitated in her response once again, her eyes flickering just for a moment with worry at the possibility of Peter breaking up with her.
But she found comfort in Peter's warm hand still holding on tightly onto hers. Which allowed Emma to recover quickly "I don't need to talk to Peter that way. I only really do so with the likes of you".
"Oh yeah?" MJ asks with narrowed eyes "and why's that?
"Because you don't seem to understand my words any other way, honey. It really doesn't bring me joy to explain myself to someone like… well, like you, as much as I do. Believe me" Emma says as she looks at MJ up and down with mock disgust in her face.
"It's you who don't seem to understand-!" MJ was about to retort, speaking loudly enough for anyone else - including Peter - to listen to them. But she was quickly interrupted by Gwen.
"Are you two really going to get into an argument? Right now?!" Gwen practically screeched, still with her heart heavy for what happened.
To her eyes, it seems like no one else but she and Peter truly care for what happened. Everyone is immersed in whatever fight the jocks had with Peter that somehow turned into MJ's and Emma's, while the poor boy is standing there looking almost broken while talking to Harry.
"… no, we were just leaving" Emma said as she contained herself from also saying something mean to Gwen. That would be something stupid to do given the circumstances "right?"
Being called by Emma, Peter snaps away from whatever Harry was telling him in order to look at both blonde girls "Y-yeah. We'll just, uh, get something from the cafeteria real quick. Do you want anything?"
"… thank you, Pete. But I'm fine… I don't really-" Gwen started saying quietly, feeling slightly embarrassed for yelling so loud in front of everyone in her current state. But she was interrupted by Peter.
"Hey come on, I bet you skipped breakfast and dinner last night, right?" Peter asks carefully as he looks directly at Gwen with a kind and knowing small smile that she understood was meant to bring her reassurance.
"…" She remains silent and avoids looking back at Peter, knowing that it's useless to try and lie to him since he was absolutely right.
"How about I bring you those cookies you like, hm? The ones with peanut butter?" Peter asks Gwen with Emma still holding his hand as he makes Gwen look at him with his other hand on her shoulder.
"… I'd like that… Thanks" Gwen agreed after seeing the sincerity in his eyes, which clearly showed the same amount of grief as hers, but still with enough energy to show care for her.
"We'll be right back" Peter mutters to MJ, Harry and Gwen as he is finally able to step out of the classroom, with Emma shooting MJ a mocking smirk.
MJ just huffed annoyed at that and took a seat beside Gwen as she listened in to the conversation Glory was having with the rest of her friend group, same as Harry.
Apparently, Peter had snapped at Flash when he slammed his hand on Peter's desk when he was too deep in his thoughts and started yelling to them, which Flash and his clique did not appreciate.
*Scoff* "Peter hurt their feelings? What a joke… they should've left him alone" Gwen muttered angrily at the clear display of hypocrisy in her eyes.
Gwen is not fond of Emma by any means, but she was right in calling out the bullies for that. At least in her opinion.
"No kidding" Harry adds, also finding the jocks to be unnecessarily hurtful.
"…yeah…" MJ said somewhat hesitantly, not really knowing if she actually agrees with her friends. That comment about Ben was definitely out of line, but the rest…
Peter would've never been that angry for someone showing him concern… not the Peter she knows.
————
Class was going to start in five minutes or so, but Peter and Emma were sitting together in a bench away from anyone as he held Gwen's cookies in his lap and an energy drink in his right hand.
His left hand was occupied by Emma's, who was rubbing his whole arm very delicately with her own hand; already knowing that it's his broken one.
"How long do you think it'll take for it to heal?" Emma asks, referring to his arm.
"Hmm… I'd say two more days, give or take" Peter hummed as he thought about the answer. It would perhaps be even less time if Connors hadn't broken the bone from so many different places.
His bone was literally grinded to bits after all… it would be a miracle if he won't need to break it again to fit every place correctly. He shuddered at that thought.
Still, four days for a grinded bone? Not bad in Peter's opinion.
"Yeah? That's good" Emma said carefully as she looked at Peter's eyes, who instead of looking back at her, was too busy looking at the grayish sky starting to show a little bit of blue in between clouds.
"There's… there's something I need to tell you" Peter said after a few seconds of silence between them. His words felt heavy and he seemed nervous to tell her, which sent some alarms to go off in her head.
"… you're not breaking up with me, are you?" Emma asked as she increased the distance between them a bit, but still holding physical contact. Her eyes showed concern and vulnerability.
Peter blinked twice in a dumb manner while looking at her, not understanding her words. He remained keeping eye contact for a few moments, but his eyes snapped wide open when he finally registered them correctly.
"W-WHAT?! Of-of course not! Why would you even think that?!" Peter asked a little freaked out himself. Almost, just almost, forgetting all about everything else but Emma and their relationship for a fraction of a second.
"Really?" Emma asked again, even making herself cringe with how meek she sounded.
"Emmy, I would never do that!" Peter reassured as he turned his body to look completely at Emma and be able to hold her hand with his right one "w-why would you think that's what I wanted to tell you?"
*Groan* "Sorry, sorry. It's just… those things Watson said and the way you said it - I just…" Emma started explaining herself after feeling extremely stupid for comparing once again her very limited social life with movies and shows.
Making herself feel very stupid and self-centered.
Of course Peter wasn't thinking of breaking up with her. Even if he was going to do so - which he won't - he wouldn't do it right after something like this happens.
It's just… it's Watson's fault for making Emma feel uncharacteristically insecure. Emma knows Peter dislikes whenever they get into stupid and petty arguments with one another like this.
And even when they had agreed to try and get along better after Peter and Emma started dating, it seemed to be an impossible task for the two teens.
So a petty argument about Peter's and Emma's relationship between both girls right after Peter experienced something surely traumatic and the way he talked made Emma feel like that.
"I-It's fine Emmy. It's… it's actually kind of funny and cute" Peter said lamely as he very desperately tried to find something to distract his mind from it all - including her saying sorry twice like that.
*Slap* "Don't make fun of me" Emma said with a pout as she very gently slapped Peter in his right arm, causing him to chuckle slightly. For the first time since the events of that night happened, Peter gave her a real, genuine smile that is not laced with tiredness or sadness that she can be a witness to.
"I'd never make fun of you, princess~" Peter says in a teasing and theatrical voice, causing Emma almost unable to keep her pout due to the pride she felt for being able to make Peter smile.
Being his 'normal self' right now was really proving to be a laborious task. But weirdly enough, being with Emma as he is now made it more tolerable for the boy.
"Doesn't seem that way from here" Emma responds, trying and failing to keep her pout on her face.
*Chuckle* "Yeah, I bet it doesn't" Peter replies humorously, only to drop his smile to a softer one as his eyes filled themselves with something akin to adoration "God, how I've missed you. You have no idea…"
"Hmm, I think I might have an idea of my own. You weren't the only one missing someone after all~" Emma answers as she returns to her previous position, only now resting her head on Peter's shoulder "so, what did you want to tell me?
*Sigh* "I think I'll… I-I'll… take a 'break' from being Spider-Man" Peter said in almost a whisper as he hung his head down low, feeling like a coward for not even being able to confess that he actually quitted.
Taking a break makes sense, he guesses. But if he said that he outright quitted would definitely make Emma more curious and/or concerned than she already must be.
And Peter doesn't want to deal with a curious and worried telepath again. That's when they get into your mind after all - at least in his experience - and he knows she promised to keep out of his mind.
But why risk it when he can so easily lie?
And just as before, to Peter Parker, what is one more lie?
"…" Emma stood quiet for a few moments, which made Peter a bit nervous. But eventually she just sighed while rubbing his hand with her thumb and muttered "yeah… I understand".
"You-you do?" Peter asked with slightly wide eyes.
"Of course, darling. Thank you for telling me" Emma said sincerely with an easy smile. Knowing Peter, she was expecting something like this to happen.
She knows he must feel like he failed and grief is winning a battle against him, causing him to lose sight of his mission as the mighty Spider-Man. But she also knows him well enough to know this is just a bump in the road, and that his morality won't let him give up the mask.
And she understands very well what it's like to want to stop using your powers after something bad happens. When she found herself to be a mutant, she was both excited and deeply scared.
The hate against mutants is very much real and deeply rooted into the minds and hearts of the humans. And when even her teacher turned out to be a hater, she wanted nothing more than her powers to disappear forever.
It took some time for Emma to realize that she didn't need the validation or love of anyone else other than herself's… Attitude that admittedly changed just a little bit when she was afraid of being rejected by Peter when she didn't know he was Spider-Man.
B-but that's different, there were heavy feelings involved there!
And Emma simply knows Peter better, so she's sure that'll be just a matter of time until he wears it again. And hey, if that means she can enjoy Peter more to herself for a few days then that is great for her. She missed him a lot these past two weeks after all.
"Have I ever told you how great you are?" Peter said with a content smile, feeling some more weight lifted from his shoulders at her acceptance.
"Hmm, you have, but it wouldn't hurt any of us if you said it more frequently" Emma said with a playful wink as she stood up.
*Chuckle* "Yeah, I guess not" Peter agrees as he also stood up while balancing the cookies and his drink in his right hand as his left one was still being held carefully by Emma.
"Come on, let's get to class" Emma said as she started leading the way, but stopped abruptly in front of Peter "oh wait, I forgot something".
"Oh, what is-?" Peter started his question, but was interrupted by Emma, who turned around quickly and with her free hand cupped Peter's cheek and brought him for a quick kiss.
Just a smashing of lips quickly crashing together for a second that felt like a minute for both teens who had missed their partner oh so much.
"I'm glad to be back" Emma whispered once their short kiss ended, prompting the now red faced Peter to smile somewhat dumbly.
"Yeah… glad to have you back" he agreed easily, making Emma shoot another bright smile at him.
They both start walking back to their class before their teacher arrives with Emma leading Peter.
Despite everything, Peter was smiling as he looked at the back of Emma's head; a smile that wavered from his thoughts and actions.
He still had the whole day, the whole week, year and his lifetime to regret his actions. But perhaps today, seeing the broken look on Gwen for what happened and Emma smiling at him, made this the most complicated day for Peter so far.
He killed someone - a man he knew, looked up to and even befriended - and he is going to keep it a secret for as long as he can.
And his self inflicted punishment?
He'll stop being Spider-Man. He'll give up a piece of his being while keeping it from everyone he knows.
Just like he always does.