I stood in front of the mirror, staring at my reflection. The girl looking back at me was different from the one who had celebrated her 21st birthday just a few days ago. Her eyes seemed older, her smile a little more forced. I felt like I was living in a dream, unsure of what was real and what was just a facade.
As I went about my day, I couldn't shake off the feeling of emptiness inside me. I had finally gotten what I wanted – freedom – but it didn't feel as liberating as I thought it would. Instead, it felt like a weight was crushing me, making it hard to breathe.
I thought about calling Anne, but what would I say? That I was feeling lost and alone? That I didn't know what I was doing with my life? I didn't want to burden her with my problems. She had her own life, her own struggles. I was supposed to be the strong one, the one who had it all figured out.
But the truth was, I didn't have a clue. I was winging it, pretending to be a grown-up while inside, I was still that scared, uncertain girl who felt trapped in her own life.
As the days went by, I found myself withdrawing into myself. I stopped answering Anne's calls, stopped going out with friends. I just stayed in my room, surrounded by the silence and the darkness. It was safer that way. I didn't have to put on a mask, didn't have to pretend to be someone I wasn't.
But the silence was deafening. It was like a scream in my head, a constant reminder of all the things I was running from. My parents' expectations, my aunt's rules, the pressure to succeed. It was all suffocating me, crushing me beneath its weight.
I felt like I was losing myself in the process. I didn't know who I was anymore, what I wanted, what I stood for. I was a reflection of everyone else's dreams, everyone's expectations. But where was I in all of this?
The questions swirled in my mind, taunting me, mocking me. I felt like I was drowning in a sea of uncertainty, with no lifeline in sight.
Just then, I heard my aunt's voice behind me. "Adeseuwa, can we talk?"
I turned to face her, trying to compose myself. "What's up, Aunty?"
My aunt looked concerned, her brow furrowed in worry. "You've been very quiet lately, Adeseuwa. Is everything okay? You don't seem like yourself."
I shrugged, trying to brush it off. "I'm fine, Aunty. Just a little stressed with school, that's all."
My aunt nodded, but I could tell she didn't believe me. She walked over to the couch and sat down, motioning for me to join her. "Adeseuwa, I know you're not fine. I've seen the way you've been isolating yourself, not answering your phone, not going out. What's going on?"
I sighed, feeling a mix of emotions. Part of me wanted to open up to my aunt, to tell her everything. But another part of me was scared, scared of being judged, of being told what to do.
"Aunty, I just...I don't know what I want, okay?" I said finally, feeling a lump form in my throat. "I feel lost and alone, and I don't know how to make it better."
My aunt's expression softened, and she looked at me with a gentle smile. "Oh, Adeseuwa, it's normal. Trust me, everybody feels that way. Nobody is an island of knowledge. Don't overthink it. You will overcome it."
I looked at her, feeling a sense of relief wash over me. Maybe, just maybe, everything would be okay.