She's sitting on the floor crying with her hands covering her face.
What on earth?
"Bel, what's wrong?"
I'm a bit confused.
This is now 2 nights in a row where I see her upset so I'm wondering if the two situations are related or if she's just an emotional drunk.
"You wouldn't understand..." she mumbled under her breath.
"Try me Bel. I'm not just your bodyguard okay I'm your friend as well. I'm here for you in any and every way. Try me." I tried to reassure her and lifted her face to look at me.
Her eyes are so sad, and she looks so scared, and vulnerable. Is there more to what meets the eye when it comes to her? Like a darkness that she's running away from?
I couldn't put my finger on it but I knew I was probably not gonna stop obsessing over it.
"I'm not a good person Jay. I'm messed up in so many ways I genuinely feel like nobody could ever possibly accept me the way I am or be patient to let me learn."
"I accept you. What are you talking about exactly? Did you do something?" I asked trying to steady my tone and not be too pushy.
Her tears ran down her cheeks so quickly I couldn't even laugh. I've never seen anyone's tears do that so quickly.
Okay focus Jackson...focus.
"You don't understand. Sometimes being too drunk makes me remember…and I get like this. An emotional wreck. I've got so much in me that I try to forget and I fail to. That's why I'd rather push and push…you know… people away or be cold with everyone because being vulnerable gets me nowhere. I don't like people leaving me…so I'd rather not be close to anyone at all you know? Being too nice keeps me safe as well so it's tricky…"
I tried to understand what she was saying, but her slurring her words wasn't helping either, so I just sat and let her speak while trying my best to take mental notes.
Something big definitely happened in her life to make her this way. I needed to know what it was, so I knew who to kill. If they were able to make my perfect girl this vulnerable and scared, they didn't deserve to walk on this earth.
"Why would they do that to me you know?" She cried out and I felt the anger in me rise.
I comforted her while she cried into my chest, and I didn't dare move a muscle or breathe too loudly. I didn't want her to move, because I needed her to know that I'd always be here to protect her from everything and everyone.
Soon she fell asleep, after I gave her the mix I made her.
There was a ringing in my ear, and the things she said kept circling my brain.
I carefully lifted her up so I was able to clean the makeup from her face with her girly face stuff. I've seen her do it several times and I know she'd lose it tomorrow if she woke up with her makeup still on.
After doing that, I put her to bed as she was. I wouldn't want to invade her privacy by changing her out of the clothes she last wore herself.
Not even seconds after I left her room, I heard her snore like an old man.
I swear I felt the ground vibrate.
It's getting really late but I can't sleep now. I need to get my people to dig deeper into her past. I need to know what she was talking about so that I can try to fix it for her. This shifts away from my focus on her father, but I can't help it.
I won't be able to sleep or get that imagine of her crying like that out of my head. The pain behind her eyes was torturous.
I don't mind taking care of this secretly for her.
Anything for my girl.