"What do you mean? He didn't suspect me. He obviously was just a guy trying his luck with me."
Why's he being like this?
"You didn't see the way he was looking at you. He literally undressed you with his eyes in a very sinister way. I could see the hatred in his eyes. His body language said enough for me to know he was literally going to kill you or send people to follow us after we left so I sorted it out."
Huh?
"I didn't see all that" I responded pretending to be confused.
"That's because you're too trusting Bel. You don't read people carefully before you interact with them. You wait until it's too late to do that. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess you only realized he'd need to disappear after he touched you, and you didn't pay attention to anything else?"
Why's he making a big deal out of this?
"You let people get too comfortable with you and that's dangerous because it shows them your guard is always down. That's exactly what happened with Calvin remember?" He finishes
"So what? Are you saying you don't want to be my bodyguard anymore? Is it too challenging or something?"
If he wants to quit he should just say so instead of pretending he's my dad.
"I'm trying to teach you to be more vigilant. I never said I don't want to protect you anymore. I just need you to be able to identify danger on your own as well." He responded.
I don't know what his problem is but I see nothing wrong with how I conduct business.
"One day you'll end up in a position I won't be able to pull you out of until it's too late Bel"
"You're doing a bit too much right now. He's dead. I'm fine."
He's so overprotective.
"A man who isn't overprotective over the woman he cares about, doesn't really care about her."
When he said that I bit my tongue and the attitude disappeared.
The way he said that was very…soft.
My eyes met his and I saw the genuine concern behind his eyes.
He then shifted a bit forward to grab my hands and told me, "I just don't want to see you get hurt Bel"
"I know."
"Then what goes on in your head when you blindly walk into danger?"
I see where this conversation is going.
"Jay…please don't go there" I could feel the nervousness crawl up my spine, prickling my skin so it feels tight.
"Listen to me Bel, I know about the guys you made disappear when you were a teenager and I know your parents had something to do with that too." His gaze was a silent challenge, daring me to reveal the secret he knew I was hiding.
He waited…his silence more unnerving than what he just told me, as if he was waiting for a flicker of recognition or guilt to cross my features.
"How do you know that?" Is all that I could say.
I knew he was speaking about me earlier on the phone.
"That's all you're going to say? How do I know?"
"Why is this so important to you anyways?"
"I just want you to stop worrying about it. When you're stressed, I'm stressed. So let me take care of it for you. I wouldn't normally care this much about anyone at all, but you…you do something to me I can't even understand Bel. Talk to me."
Before I know it, I'm all of a sudden ready to open up to him. I obviously won't tell him everything as a defence mechanism but I'll tell him enough.
"Obviously you can tell by now I get triggered by some things…"
"I'm listening.What are your triggers? I think I might have spotted a few…but I'm listening" His stare felt like a physical weight, pressing down on me until I wanted to shrink away.
A thousand what-ifs raced through my mind, each one more terrifying than the last. I don't know how he'll receive what I tell him. What if he sees me differently or walks out of my life even when knowing all that I'm about to tell him? That would break me.
"Bel?"
I snapped out of it.
"Yeah uhmm…my triggers? Being touched at all. A hug that feels too long, holding my hand, seeing a man shirtless in my presence, silence during a fight, being shut down when trying to share how I feel, being alone with a man, alcohol also amplifies my emotions if I have any of these triggers as well, public affection, being looked at for too long and yeah…"
His eyes narrowed, not on me, but on the small, almost imperceptible tremor in my hand as I spoke. He didn't need a confession because he was reading the story in my nerves.
I can't believe I told him all that. I never talk about this. I'm also still so curious as to how he found out what he did.
"Bel…"
"Yeah?" My voice was trembling.
"I need to ask you this okay? I don't mean to make you uncomfortable or upset you"
I nodded looking him in the eyes.
"Have I ever in any way done anything to trigger you? Is me holding your hands right now making you feel uncomfortable?"
"No. I don't get that feeling with you that's why I let you move into the main house. You're the first guy I genuinely feel safe with."
"Okay. So what did you do to those guys when you were younger?"
"I killed them and their entire families. My parents had said to let it go because they had asked for permission from them prior to their actions. It was some kind of business deal they had struck and I was collateral because I didn't know about their sick plans for me…so I burned their houses down. Brian helped me get rid of all the evidence and my parents hated me for costing them millions by killing those…those…"
Suddenly my throat felt tight and it felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room.
Jackson's POV
I could feel the color drain from my face as I watched her speak . The news was a cold shock, and my brain hadn't quite caught up. The silence wasn't a choice; it was a symptom of the disbelief that had frozen me completely.
She doesn't need to tell me all the details because I can easily put two and two together with just enough information.
"Did you know them?" I asked as my final question, trying my best to control my rage and not scare her.
"Some were my friends but I didn't know the one. I haven't been the same since. I never thought I'd ever kill anyone and because of all that I end up in situations where I have to keep killing people. So no it's not that I don't sense danger, I just feel like I owe them cooperation or they'll take whatever they want from me in a way I can't control. But the moment they lay a hand on me or openly indicate certain intentions I kill them. I end up being an emotional wreck after each kill because it reminds me of how they all saw my worth."
A cold, dark tide of vengeance rose within me, threatening to swallow everything in its path.
Now it makes sense. I haven't noticed that behavior when she interacts with women and it makes sense why.
She feels obligated to be nice when a man asserts his dominance or appears to be harmless even when she suspects he is. That's until they cross the physical line of course. She's cold with women because her mom was the ring leader of that situation when she was younger.
Belinda Knight you have no idea what you've just awoken in me.