The next month is packed with matches for us. And these aren't just any matches, these are the matches that decide whether we win a trophy or not.
First, we have the semifinals in the Paulista. Our group stages were done and we topped our group.
Our opponents? Palmeiras. Defending champions. That's a tough fixture. And both the legs are back to back. On April 26th we have the first leg at home and then we go play the second leg away on May 3rd.
Next, in the Copa we have the quarter finals. On May 7th we face Vasco da Gama. The return fixture is on the 12th of May. Once again, a big match against a tough opponent.
That's 4 big matches in 16 days.
Our best chance at winning the trophy is via the Paulista. Our performance has been extraordinary there. And we are already in the semi finals. We just need to beat two more teams.
In the copa, somehow we have made it to the quarter finals. We faced some tough opponents in Gremio. But, we made it here.
I didn't have a preference but I would like to win the Paulista. I was the top scorer there and the top assist provider as well. I had a high chance of winning the golden ball of the tournament if we won it. 10 matches played. 19 goals. 26 assists. With 4 matches remaining, I could go for 25 goals and 30+ assists.
Today during the practice, coach Alfonso said something that perked everyone's ears up.
"For the next few matches, coaches and staff from the first team are going to be there. Watching. This would be different to them watching you in practice. They have not seen the majority of you play in these big games. Having reports to go by is one thing, but they will see first hand how you move, how you play along with your teammates, how good you are. I do not need to tell you how important it would be for your own growth. So, give your 120% for the next few matches."
While he was saying this, I was thinking "Should you be saying this? This ruins the mood. This would impact the way we play for sure. And the cliched give your 120% spiel. Ugh!"
I reached out to Moraes and our captain Adrian.
"Guys, I don't think that the coach realised it, but saying it out loud about eyes on us is going to affect us. We cannot let them dictate the way we play. If players decide to go for it instead of finding the best pass, we are not going to win. Could you say something to the team?"
I had ulterior motives. I didn't care about the performance, I wanted that win. I needed those cards. I needed those stat points. I cannot get them if these idiots decide to show off for them.
Who knew? I had a manipulative side to me as well. But I came across as genuine. They nodded along and they said that they would handle it.
Even 10 games in, Moraes is already a part of the leadership squad. He is a first team regular now and he commands respect. It is just his personality. He is charismatic, and his discipline on and off the field gets him the respect.
I on the other hand is seen as a disruptor. I haven't exactly tried to get along with a lot of them. It was a mistake on my part, since I saw this as only a temporary stint. I didn't bother developing relationships and chemistry. It was all transactional. But, everyone in the team agrees that I am off the charts in the talent scale. So, no one says anything about this.
Well, almost no one.
Remember Sergio? The guy who tackled me. He came around very easily. He was genuinely sorry for the tackle and that it took me out for two weeks. But, Matheus and his mates didn't think so.
The first week that he was back, he avoided me and was a bit hesitant. I noticed it, but I didn't pay any attention to it either. I wasn't going to attack him or anything on field, but if circumstances happened in such a way that we were playing a physical game? I wasn't going to play safe with him. I would go for it. Pushes. Shoves. Elbows.
I was ready for it. And then he came and talked to me.
"Hey Kaká, do you have a minute?"
"Yeah. What's up?" I was wary of him as well. And my mates were around. Just in case.
"Listen, I am genuinely sorry for that tackle. I didn't mean for it to injure you. I just wanted to knock you down a peg, I still think it was stupid of you to be showboating against your teammates in front of coaches like that, but I shouldn't have done what I did. It was reckless. It could have been a bigger injury. I am not a player like that. I just got so heated up in the moment and reacted."
Now, what do you say to that? He wasn't faking it. And it was evident not just from his body language, but we later on learned that he wasn't even that good of a mate with Matheus.
"I am not saying we are totally cool and buddies, but shit happens. I know it. That's how I ended up like that. I was so lost in it, that I didn't realise the nutmegs or head flicks. It was still okay in my books to do it, but I could also see how it is not okay to do that in front of coaches and all. It came across as taunting and that's not okay. I get it. But, yeah. We're okay. We can be teammates"
And that was that. We played together in teams and against each other. And it was all normal football. No dirty tactics.
Matheus and his friends on the other hand were enraged. He lost his position to me. His mate lost his position to Diego. His other mate lost his position to Moraes. Us three have uprooted their places in a couple of weeks.
Now, they knew that ever since that incident eyes were on them. And they knew that everyone at the club paid special attention to me. So, they never did anything overt. It was devious and underhanded. It happened in practice if I played on the same team, they would make a pass that would be asking too much of me and then loudly say that I should have been there. Or that I should have controlled it better.
If we were in opposite teams in practice, it was the constant man marking and chatter in the ear. Talking nonsense. About our lack of life outside of football. About how I am a mama's boy. Things that would get a raise out of anyone. Too bad for them, I am not just another 15 year old. I accepted that I was a mama's boy. I would talk back, saying that if their moms loved them as much as mine did, they wouldn't be cunts like this. And then I go on and score.
I never let any insult go by. They could have their life at clubs and surround themselves with gold diggers, I would move up and show them how to actually live life.
For the past few weeks, me and Diego have started doing the same to them. Whenever we would pass to them, we would put a little bit of extra power in the pass, and make it a bit harder to control and then loudly ask them to learn to control better. And while passing by, just mutter "This is why you're not in the first team anymore"
Am I being petty? Yes. Am I provoking them? Yes. But we have been careful. We always had each other's back. Warn each other if anyone has gone too far. Protect each other from injuries and bad tackles with just proper calls.
The rest of the team knew about this ongoing rivalry. But no one said anything. They knew that we were there because of our superior skills and many of them realised that we were actually making them better. Better results, better training sessions, better vibes.
So, once news of extra eyes during the match was out, the whole team knew that only one set of players would do something to fuck it up. And as expected, Matheus and his goons have started talking shit at the end of the practice sessions on our way back.
"Look at the hotshots, planning about how to impress the first team coaches. Let's hope no one spoils their party"
"What are you talking about Matheus, who would spoil their party?" said goon 1.
"They've pissed a lot of people off here bro. Anyone with a grudge against them would try to do something. Isn't this the best time" said goon 2.
Before we could say something in return, to our surprise, our 6'5" defender, Roni stepped up.
"Look, you pieces of shit, you lost your place because you worry more about other stuff than football. You're all acting like dumbasses trying to assert dominance when you don't even deserve to be in the second team. If you don't clean up your act, what's going to happen to you? You will be let go. Not demoted to U17 or given another chance, because there are many people who can do a better job than you. Stop embarrassing yourselves. They made us a better team and us defenders are trying to catch up to their level.
You know who I am. And what I can do. So, fuck off and never try this shit again. I see that look on your faces, to try to do something because some big shots are going to come watch. I suggest you stop those thoughts. Because if you in any way interfere in this team's development, I will have a say about this. I really hope it doesn't come to that. Because if I decide to act on it, it wouldn't be here. It would be off the field.
Be better or make yourselves invisible."
And he just left. What a chad!
The look on Matheus' face was priceless. I wish I had a camera. He had gone pale.
Now, what's so big about this?
He isn't just anyone. It isn't his size that's scary. It is his connections. He comes from a rough neighbourhood and let's say that some of his friends are not very nice people. He is a good lad, trying to get out of that stuff. But everyone knows who he is and what he is capable of. And they all love him for it, because he is trying to do something they can't do.
He never talked much with us. It was always about a maneuver we executed or a sequence of passing that left them in the dust. The defenders never reacted badly to us. They never played dirty. Take him for example, he is 6'5". But, he doesn't try to hurt us in practice. He reserves it for the opponents. In practice, he tries to become tactical. They learn positioning. They learn how to defend against pacy and technical forwards. They learn to intercept better.
When the coaches ask them to be more physical to let us learn to deal with the stuff, they give it their best shot. It isn't dirty, but we ask for it sometimes so that we can get used to it in matches. Because the opponents aren't going to show us mercy. And they deliver. We are getting better. And they're getting better. It is win/win. And for him to back us up, we could sleep without worrying about tomorrow.
Matheus and his goons aren't going to do shit.
I ran to him before he could leave and thanked him.
For standing up for us. He just shrugged like it wasn't a big deal. He didn't even respond to it. He just waved it off and drove away.
I just shook my head and went home. The semifinals await.
26th April, 1998
We were as ready as we could be for this. We had a good team talk. The past few days, we worked on a few patterns of play. Our scouts did a good job in providing information about their players and playstyle. I'm pretty sure that they would be prepared as well.
News of our statistics had travelled. 10 matches. 9 wins. 1 draw.
We were in form. Scoring almost 4 or 5 goals a match. That's a dream run. Palmeiras may be the defending champions, but we were on fire.
Every one of us was pumped up for the big game. We had a packed crowd today. Around 650-700 people showed up. Next to the dugout, we saw the first team staff and coach sitting and watching. They were observing everything. Our drills to the warm up routine to our interactions.
I decided to be a bit cheeky. They came here to watch us? Let me give them something to watch then. For the past one year, there was one trick I have been perfecting. It was the rabona pass. I am pretty sure that I have mastered it. One player who inspired me with the rabona passes was Dimitri Payet. He was absolutely nasty with it.
So, when they were watching our shooting drill, I shouted Adriano's name, called for him, and casually played a 50 yard rabona pass from across the field for him to take it on the volley and shoot. And I did it again with Diego. I did it again with Oscar. That will get them talking. It wasn't a fluke. It wasn't luck. It was precision. It was made to look effortless, but anyone worth anything would know the number of hours it took me to perfect that pass.
I could see coach Alfonso's veins popping. The look of exasperation on the coach's face was adorable. I just shrugged and went off to shoot.
Once we were done warning up, the coach pulled me aside and asked "Did you have to do that Kaká? You know it's serious, right?"
I took inspiration from Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the armies of the North, general of the Felix Legions. Loyal servant to the true emperor Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife.
I just said "Are they not entertained?"
I have been feeling a bit more confident to do these stuff off late. Ever since my conversations with my coaches, I realised that I had been worrying too much and not letting out my true self. Slowly, but surely I am feeling the change. I am acting a bit more lippy. I am doing stuff like this. Just testing the waters. Nothing too intense. But, knowing where the line is, I am having fun.
"Don't worry too much, coach. If they don't see the skill, I will give them something else to talk about during the match"
I just winked at him and left to change.
I was going to give them something to remember me by after today. I am going to put on a show.
Palmeiras were a high press team. Their goalkeeper is a sweeper keeper and they launch blistering attacks as well in an instant. They're strong defensively, but they attack intensely. It is almost like a modern day Liverpool team under Klopp. Just not of that quality. This is still the Brazilian league and we're still U20.
So, the match started with high intensity. We didn't have time to breathe. But, it was expected. And over the past three months we have developed a rapport. So, Diego, Moraes, Adrian, Carlos and I own the midfield. No matter how much they try to break our passing, we keep finding gaps, and make small progress with each pass. We rotate the ball, we switch play, we make them run and run.
They kept coming at us, and we still kept the ball. Against a high quality team, our levels aren't quite there yet. We're not Xavi, Iniesta and Busquets. But, for an U20 side, we are more than enough. We kept playing like that for 15 minutes. And they relented finally to take a breather.
And in an instant we switched. This is the difference between a couple of months before and now. We realised that we had the freedom to not just stick to the brief but try out stuff based on what's happening on the field.
Moraes slipped in a beautiful pass to Diego in the middle who dropped deep, and instead of keeping possession and controlling it, he just let it fly into the space on the right. And I was there to answer his challenge. I made the run, beat their player to it and I didn't take too much time. I chopped the ball to the inside and switched my feet, and passed a ball into the box with my left foot.
They were not ready for the quick play. So, they were caught out of position. Adriano was there in the middle. He collected the ball and scored a beautiful goal into the bottom left corner.
1-0. 15 minutes in.
Great start!
After the restart, they switched tactics as well and started going for long balls. The goal keeper would come forward and ping a long ball into our box. Our defenders were up to the task and dealt with it. But, that jogged a memory. Of David Beckham against Wimbledon. Scoring a goal from the half way line. It was in response to Ferguson asking them to show him something exciting.
And I did promise my coach that I would put on a show, didn't I?
So, I asked Moraes and Adrian in the middle to give me the ball immediately when they go for the long ball next.
10 minutes of normal back and forth later, they had a goal kick and I knew this was the moment. They launched the ball forward and he didn't get back into his box immediately. Luckily for me, Roni won the header and the ball fell to Moraes. He instantly passed it to me at the edge of the box.
Now, people would normally launch a counter attack. But, not all of us were running forward. So, I took one touch, looked up, saw the goal keeper was still outside, and I prayed. I prayed that my power and placement were good enough.
The ball sailed in the air and I held on to my breath, the goal keeper's eyes widened in panic and tried to go back, but the ball travelled faster. It hit the post, and I was disappointed for a second that it didn't go in. But, fate had other plans. The ball bounced off the turf and spilled inside and hit the net.
GOAL! 2-0.
From my own half.
16 years old! Number 22.
I was still for a moment. And then it hit me. I actually scored that! And that's when my teammates jumped on me.
Diego just called me mad. Moraes, the usually calm one, was jumping around like a rabbit.
I finally broke free of the group and looked at my coach, who had that expression that said he doesn't know whether to be angry or to be proud.
I met his eyes, winked and mouthed "Are they not entertained?"
Throughout all of this, I didn't look at the first team staff. I didn't want to let them know that I was doing it for them.
With my showboating satisfied, I played my usual game. Tracked back like a mad man, broke their passing rhythm, controlled the play from the right and played absolutely brilliant balls.
I did lose the ball a couple of times trying to play through balls, but I didn't mind. It was bound to happen. That's my game play and if they're here to watch us play, I am going to show them my real self.
I always went back for the ball, made up for my mistakes and went again.
After the first half we were running away with it. It was 3-0. I scored one. Assisted one.
Our defense was compact and we didn't face a single shot on goal. Team spirits were high and we restarted the game.
We slowed down the tempo. Played our regular football and built it up slowly. They were not taking the bait this time and the match stayed goalless after 78minutes.
That's when the coach decided to rest us. He took me off. Along with Adriano. Oscar got a nod.
They tried their best, but Palmeiras were parking the bus in the second half. So, it ended up goalless and we won the first leg 3-0.
After the match, I took a glance at the coaching staff. They didn't stop by to talk to us. They were taking this very seriously and they just left after speaking to some of the staff.
On our way back, Coach Alfonso said "You have their attention now Kaká. Show them that you deserve that first team spot"
I just smirked. They had no idea what was coming.