In a stinking alley, the Konoha search team was at a dead end.
"Nothing! I've sniffed every clinic in this damn district!" Kiba's voice was a growl of frustration as he wiped the sweat from his forehead. "No trace of Naruto. Are you sure your plan was any good, Sakura?"
Sakura clutched the map in her hand. "My plan was logical. If Tsunade is a medic, she'd look for supplies, and Naruto would be following her."
"Well, your logic stinks," Kiba retorted, and Akamaru, at his feet, let out a small bark of agreement.
"My kikaichū have inspected every pharmacy and herbalist," Shino intervened, his voice as monotone as ever. "There is no visual trace of our target. Or Naruto."
Hinata, who had been scouting the perimeter with her Byakugan, returned with her face pale from exhaustion. "There's nothing, Kurenai sensei. Just... civilians."
Kurenai sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose, because they were chasing ghosts.
The door of a nearby casino burst open and Kakashi stepped out. His jōnin vest was slightly crooked and his single visible eye showed a profound lack of sleep.
"Bad news," Kakashi said, his voice low and tense.
"Did you find something, Kakashi sensei?" Sakura asked, hopeful.
"I found the casino manager. His name is Taro," Kakashi explained. "And he's furious."
"Furious about what?" Kiba asked.
"Because last night, a blonde woman they call 'the Legendary Sucker' and, I quote, 'a moron kid dressed in bright orange who wouldn't stop shouting,' fleeced his casino."
A stunned silence fell over the group.
Sakura was the first to react. "Naruto... was in a casino?!"
Kiba slammed his fist into his palm. "That bastard! While we were searching dirty alleys, he was gambling!"
"It's worse," Kakashi said. "According to the manager, the orange kid was yelling things about 'aiming high' and 'team numbers.' The woman bet based on what he said... and she didn't lose a single time. They won an obscene amount of money."
"Wait..." Kurenai said, processing the information. "Kakashi, are you saying...?"
"Naruto is Tsunade's lucky charm," Kakashi concluded, his tone suggesting he was rethinking every decision in his life. "And then, apparently, there was a chase. And a theft. And a broken door. And in the end, they left together."
"They left?!" Sakura screamed in panic. "We lost them! If they've left the city...!"
"Calm down!" Kiba barked, having dropped to all fours, his nose almost pressed to the ground, sniffing frantically while Akamaru did the same beside him.
"What is it, Kiba?" Kurenai asked.
"I've got it!" Kiba exclaimed, jumping to his feet. "The trail is faint, but it's there! It smells like instant ramen... and...!" He sniffed again, deeply, before shouting: "Pork?! It smells like pork!"
"Pork?" Sakura repeated, confused.
"No time for questions!" Kiba yelled, already running. "It smells like ramen, pork, and expensive sake! Follow my nose!"
The team shot off, as their S Rank mission to find a legendary Sannin had officially turned into a D Rank rescue mission to find their idiot teammate before he caused an international incident.
"That kid...!" Kakashi muttered, running alongside Kurenai. "When I find him, I'm personally going to teach him the meaning of the 'Extended Training Regimen'."
The trail led them far from the gambling district and toward the most expensive part of the city, where the stinking streets gave way to clean avenues and luxury inns.
"Kiba, are you sure?" Sakura asked, out of breath. "This doesn't seem like Naruto's kind of place."
"The scent doesn't lie!" Kiba insisted. "It's this way! The smell of expensive food is getting stronger!"
They stopped in front of the tallest, most luxurious hotel in Tanzaku, a pristine white building with guards at the door and a lobby that gleamed with marble.
"Here?" Kurenai said, incredulous.
"It smells like Naruto is... at the top," Kiba said, sniffing toward the penthouse.
"Kakashi," Kurenai said, her voice turning serious. "This could be a trap. Tsunade is a Sannin, so she could have kidnapped him and might be interrogating him right now."
Kakashi's face hardened because the possibility was real. "Right. Infiltration plan. We can't go through the lobby. Shino."
"Understood," the Aburame boy said, as a small swarm of insects detached from his collar and flew silently toward the hotel walls, searching for an entrance.
"Hinata, Byakugan. I want a scan of the top floor," Kakashi ordered.
Hinata activated her dōjutsu and the veins around her eyes bulged. "I see it! The top floor! It's... it's a mess! There's food everywhere."
"Do you see Naruto?" Sakura asked, her voice sharp with anxiety.
"He's there too," Hinata said, and a hint of confusion entered her voice. "He's... eating."
"Eating?" Kakashi repeated.
"My kikaichū report!" Shino said. "They've located the presidential suite. The balcony door is open. No visible traps."
"Forget stealth," Kakashi said, the tension in his voice turning to pure exasperation. "We're going up."
The team used the adjacent rooftops to reach the penthouse balcony and landed silently on the luxurious terrace, where the scene inside the suite was visible through the open glass doors.
The scene was chaos: silver trays with leftover fish, mountains of empty plates, half eaten exotic fruits, and empty sake bottles covered every surface. Expensive clothes were thrown on the sofas while Tonton, the pig, trotted happily, carrying a stolen rice bun in its mouth.
And in the middle of it all...
"Shizune, faster!" a female voice was heard from the sofa. "And make sure you pack that rock garden statue! I liked it!"
"Tsunade sama, we can't steal the hotel's statuary!" Shizune yelled, her voice full of panic as she tried to force a silk kimono into an already overflowing suitcase. "And stop ordering more sake from room service! We've already spent so much money!"
"Nonsense! The brat will get me more!"
The Konoha team stood frozen on the balcony, watching the scene in disbelief.
"Are they... packing?" Kiba whispered.
"Shhh," Sakura hissed.
Kakashi stepped forward, his hand on his kunai pouch, while Kurenai was at his side, ready to act. They slid open the glass door and entered the room.
The sound of their sandals on the hardwood floor made Shizune freeze, so she turned slowly, her face pale with terror.
"You..." she stammered. "What... what are you doing here?!"
The commotion caught the attention of the other two people in the room.
Tsunade sat up slowly from the sofa, wearing sunglasses indoors and a cold towel on her head.
And Naruto, sitting on the floor in front of a low table piled high with omelets, bacon, and grilled fish, turned around with his mouth completely full.
He looked at them, chewed once, swallowed hard, and then gave them the biggest, brightest smile of his life.
"Oh, hey guys!" he said, waving with a piece of bacon. "You're late! Look, Granny Tsunade said she'd treat us to breakfast! There's more fish if you want!"
The silence that fell in the suite was absolute.
Kakashi stood motionless, his single visible eye wider than anyone had ever seen it, while his elite brain, capable of analyzing a thousand combat variables per second, simply shut down because he couldn't process the scene.
He just couldn't process that the S Rank target of his mission, the Legendary Sannin Tsunade, was on a sofa with a hangover; that his missing student, Naruto Uzumaki, was sitting on the floor eating bacon; and that his high stakes infiltration mission had ended in a breakfast buffet.
Kurenai was the first to find her voice, though it was weak.
"Tsunade sama..." she said, her voice full of reverent awe.
Sakura stepped forward, her green eyes jumping from the blonde woman on the sofa to the orange boy on the floor.
Tsunade finally took off her sunglasses and her amber eyes narrowed, focusing on the group of ninja who had just invaded her suite.
"Great," she growled, her voice raspy from the hangover. "More loud brats. Shizune, why is the balcony door open? And why is a group of genin drooling on my carpet?"
"I'm not drooling!" Kiba protested, though he wiped the corner of his mouth just in case.
"Kakashi sensei!" Naruto jumped up, running toward his teacher, still chewing. "Good thing you're here! Look, look! I found her! This is Tsunade!"
Kakashi didn't move, as he was still frozen.
"Naruto," Kakashi's voice was dangerously quiet, so quiet it made Naruto stop halfway. "Explain. Now."
"It's great!" Naruto exclaimed, oblivious to the brewing storm. "I completed the mission! After you guys left to search, I found her at a ramen stall! And then we went to a casino because she said it was a 'social club'!"
Kakashi put a hand to his face and rubbed the bridge of his nose, his eyes closed. "Of course you did."
"And then she used me as a lucky charm!" Naruto continued, gesturing with his bacon. "Because apparently I'm a 'good luck orange leech'! And we won a ton of money! Seriously, sensei, mountains of chips! And then Shizune showed up and ruined the fun..."
"I didn't ruin anything!" Shizune yelled, red with indignation. "The Kurosaki were chasing us!"
"And then!" Naruto ignored her, "I cornered her in an alley! And I told her about Sasuke! And she said helping people was stupid!"
Kakashi's head snapped up at that.
"So we made a bet!"
"A... bet?" Kurenai's voice was incredulous.
"Yeah! Her necklace against my froggy wallet! She said if I could steal the most expensive bottle of sake from the fanciest restaurant in town in ten minutes while Shizune stopped me, she'd come!"
Kiba whistled. "You stole booze?! That's awesome!"
"And I did it!" Naruto shouted, puffing out his chest. "I used a clone as a distraction, but Shizune knew! So I climbed the wall, snuck in through the bathroom window, made a second distraction for the waiter, and grabbed the bottle! Shizune never even saw me coming!"
The entire Konoha team stared at Naruto, as the story was so absurd, so chaotic, and so Naruto, that it couldn't be a lie.
Kakashi turned slowly to the Sannin, who was watching the scene with a raised eyebrow and an amused smirk.
"Is that... remotely true, Tsunade sama?" Kakashi asked.
Tsunade shrugged, leaning back on the sofa. "The brat is surprisingly good at infiltration when he's motivated. He used his reputation as a loud idiot as a perfect distraction. I was impressed. A little."
"And the bet?!" Sakura asked, stepping forward, her voice trembling with hope. "Are you coming?! Are you going to heal Sasuke kun?!"
Tsunade looked at her. Her expression softened slightly, the annoyance of the hangover replaced by a clinical curiosity.
"Yeah, yeah. I gave the brat my word," she said, with a sigh of resignation. "A deal's a deal. I'll go to Konoha."
The accumulated tension of days broke. Sakura let out a sob of pure relief, bringing her hands to her mouth. Hinata smiled, her eyes shining with unshed tears. Kiba pumped the air. "Yes!"
Kakashi felt his knees buckle and leaned against the wall. My S Rank mission... the one I planned for days... the one involving tracking, intelligence, potential combat... was completed by this idiot... in one night... to win a bet over a bottle of sake.
"But," Tsunade continued, and her voice regained a sharp edge. Her gaze fixed on Sakura. "I'm not doing it just for the bet. The brat told me about a... fascinating medical case."
Sakura straightened, wiping her tears.
"An Uchiha," Tsunade said, "trapped in a state of stasis by an unknown, latent healing ability that you," she pointed at Sakura, "awakened by accident."
"I... yes," Sakura whispered.
"That," Tsunade said, standing up with new energy, the hangover apparently forgotten, "is a mystery I have to solve. I refuse to let such a unique medical phenomenon go unstudied. And you," her gaze landed back on Naruto, who had returned to the breakfast table, "you're my lucky charm. My orange leech. And I'm not letting you get too far away until I've emptied every casino on this continent."
Kakashi felt a monumental migraine begin to form behind his Sharingan, while Kurenai, at his side, simply shook her head, an incredulous smile on her face.
They had found Tsunade, and they had completed their mission.
And, as always, Naruto had done it in the loudest, most chaotic, and most impossible way imaginable.
"Hey, Kiba!" Naruto yelled from the table, his mouth full of rice. "You gotta try this fish! It's almost as good as the bacon!"
The mission was over, but the real chaos had just begun.
****
Why wait for the payoff? Get 15+ chapters ahead, instantly. Patreon.com/shurazero