The presidential suite was a battlefield, where half empty plates from an absurdly expensive breakfast covered every surface. Tonton trotted happily across the luxury carpet, nibbling on a piece of bacon Naruto had dropped, while Shizune ran back and forth, pale with stress, trying to forcibly shove silk robes and medical scrolls into three suitcases that refused to close.
The Konoha team stood in the middle of the room, an island of shinobi discipline in an ocean of indulgent chaos.
Kakashi, having finally regained his composure, stepped forward and his voice was calm, but sharp.
"Tsunade sama," he said, addressing the figure lying on the sofa. "I appreciate the... breakfast, but Sasuke's condition is critical. We must leave for Konoha. Now."
Tsunade did not take off her sunglasses and languidly raised a hand, two fingers in the air.
"First," she said, her voice raspy from a hangover, "I'm going to take a salt bath. Shizune prepared one for me. Second, Shizune is going to finish packing. And third..." she paused, "I'm going to have one last drink for the road."
"Tsunade sama, there's no time for a bath!" Kakashi protested, losing his patience.
"There's time if I say there's time," she retorted. "Besides, brat," she pointed vaguely in Naruto's direction, "my luck," she winked an eye he couldn't see, "requires very specific luggage. I can't travel without my lucky dice, my personal gambling chair, and that cat statue from the lobby."
"I told her we couldn't take the statue!" Shizune wailed, on the verge of tears as she tried to close a suitcase with her knee. "Naruto kun, please, tell her something!"
Naruto, who was cheerfully finishing a plate of scrambled eggs, looked up with his mouth full.
"Mffff! Grandma's right!" he swallowed. "A ninja never travels without his essential gear! I never go anywhere without my frog wallet!"
Kakashi felt a vein throb on his forehead, so Kurenai, at his side, sighed and approached Shizune.
"Shizune san," Kurenai said quietly. "Let me help you. If we fold the scrolls instead of rolling them, we'll save space."
Sakura, seeing that jonin diplomacy had failed spectacularly, decided to intervene using the only path that seemed to work: practical logic, and she approached the suitcase Shizune was struggling with.
"Shizune san... do you need help?"
Shizune looked up, surprised by the competent offer. "Oh, I... thank you. It's just that she insists on taking all her medical ointments, but also her sake bottles..."
"I recognize that suture kit," Sakura said, pointing to an open tool bag. "It's for field surgery. Are you preparing supplies for an operation?"
Shizune nodded and her panic subsided a bit upon talking to someone who understood. "Yes. I don't know what I'll find with your teammate. Naruto's report was... vague. Do you know how to sterilize chakra needles on the fly if you don't have purified water?"
"You use a chakra controlled flame to superheat the metal and then a pulse of medical chakra to remove any spiritual residue," Sakura replied instantly, kneeling. "It's faster."
Shizune stared at her, impressed. "Exactly. Not many people know that."
"I know," Sakura said quietly. "Let me help you with that. We can divide the kits. I'll carry the antidotes and wound sealers. You take the surgical equipment."
The two kunoichi started working together, speaking in a rapid murmur of medical terms no one else in the room understood, instantly forming a silent bond of "the only two sane and medically competent people here."
Half an hour later, thanks to Sakura's intervention and Kurenai's logic, they managed to reduce Tsunade's luggage from "moving day chaos" to "long weekend trip chaos."
The group, now composed of nine shinobi and one pig, finally left the hotel. The lobby guards watched them with relief, especially when they saw the cat statue was still in its place.
"Ugh, sunlight," Tsunade complained, adjusting her sunglasses. "It's too... bright. And loud."
Shizune struggled to keep up, loaded down with three huge bags while Tonton squealed in panic under her arm.
"Tsunade sama, please, slow down! Tonton is getting dizzy!"
"Stop complaining, Shizune! If you can't keep up, leave the pig!"
"Never!"
Naruto watched the scene. Shizune was pale with exhaustion, sweating under the weight of the bags, and clearly torn between her duty to Tsunade and her love for the pig. He remembered how she had defended him in the alley, how she had tried to stop him at the restaurant, and how, despite her panic, she had shouted Tsunade's name, giving him the final clue.
"Hey, Shizune san!" he said, jogging up to her. "You look exhausted! Let me carry the pig!"
Before she could even process the offer, Naruto skillfully took Tonton from her arms.
"Oink! OINK!" Tonton squealed, preparing for a new round of panic.
"Easy, Tonton," Naruto said, cradling the pig against his orange jacket. "I'm not going to eat you. Well, not today. See, I'm comfy."
Surprisingly, Tonton, who squealed at just about everyone, sniffed Naruto's jacket and the pig stopped squealing, letting out a small grunt of satisfaction before snuggling against Naruto's chest and closing its eyes.
Shizune stood dumbfounded and her arms, now pig free, fell to her sides.
"I... I don't get it," she stammered. "It hates everyone. How...?"
Naruto grinned at her. "Of course! I'm great with animals! And with ninja pigs! Hey, Kiba!" he shouted over his shoulder. "My ninja animal is better than yours!"
Kiba, who was scouting the flank, turned and looked at him in disbelief. "Did you just adopt a pig?! Akamaru could eat yours for breakfast!"
"Try it, flea bag!"
Tsunade watched the scene from the front, an ironic smile on her lips. "Well, Shizune. Looks like you finally found an assistant who's as loud as you are. And one Tonton doesn't hate. Now stop standing there and walk."
Shizune blushed, but her gaze toward Naruto was full of gratitude. "Naruto kun... thank you."
The team set off, leaving Tanzaku, with Tsunade at the front setting a fast pace despite her supposed hangover. Kakashi and Kurenai took positions on the flanks, their senses alert, though Kakashi couldn't stop casting sideways glances at Naruto, who was now happily walking with a sleeping pig in his arms.
The rest of the team formed a defensive perimeter in the center.
To pass the time, and because he honestly couldn't stand the silence, Naruto jogged to catch up with Shizune.
"Hey, Shizune san," he began, lowering his voice. "What's it like always traveling with Grandma Tsunade? Is she always this... grumpy and cool at the same time?"
Shizune let out a deep sigh. "You have no idea, Naruto kun. See this bag?" she asked, pointing to the largest suitcase that Kakashi was now carrying.
"That bag," Shizune continued, "contains three different types of sake, a set of loaded dice she swears she doesn't use, and a huge pile of IOUs."
Naruto whistled. "Seriously?!"
"Seriously," Shizune confirmed. Now that she had started, she couldn't stop, as the stress from the last few days needed a release valve. "One time, in the capital of the Land of Fire, she bet the only horse we had on a snail race."
"A snail race?"
"A snail race!" Shizune repeated, her voice rising slightly. "She said she had a 'feeling' about snail number three because it had a shiny shell! Of course, we lost! Snail number three didn't even leave the starting line. It fell asleep! We had to walk fifty miles across a desert because we didn't have money for a carriage!"
Naruto burst out laughing, and the sound was so genuine and joyful that Shizune couldn't help but smile too.
"And then," she said, "there was the time she tried to cure a Daimyo's cat that just had a cold. She ended up accidentally giving it a dose of chakra stimulant and the cat spent three days running up the walls and knocking over priceless vases."
"No!"
"Yes! We had to flee the city in the middle of the night dressed as dancers!"
Naruto was crying with laughter. "That's amazing! You're the best, Shizune san!"
"It's not funny when you're running from the Daimyo's samurai," she said, though now she was laughing too.
"It's funny," Naruto said, wiping away a tear. "You're like... like Iruka sensei."
"Iruka?"
"Yeah! He always has to clean up my messes. When I paint the Hokage Monument or put soap in the fountains. He's the one who apologizes to the old Hokage. You're the sensible person who cleans up the mess."
Shizune paused for a moment, considering the comparison. "I guess so. It's an exhausting job, being the sensible one."
"But it's the most important one," Naruto said, his tone turning serious for a second. "Without you, Grandma Tsunade would probably be in a ditch somewhere or she'd have been arrested, which is the same with me. Without Iruka sensei... well. It's good to have someone watching your back."
Shizune looked at him, and her smile softened. "You're a good kid, Naruto kun. Loud... but you have a heart of gold. I'm glad Tsunade sama decided to help you."
"Of course she did! We're a team!"
They kept walking, and the conversation turned lighter. Naruto told her how Kiba and Akamaru always smelled like wet dog, and Shizune explained why Tonton was, in fact, a high ranking ninja pig (his specialty was debt evasion).
The group camped for a short break at sunset, near a river. Kakashi and Kurenai took the first watch on the perimeter, disappearing into the trees.
The rest of the team sat around a small campfire that Shino had started.
Sakura and Shizune sat together almost by instinct, checking the medical supplies they had bought in Tanzaku.
"This burn ointment is low quality," Sakura said, examining a jar. "The wax base is too thick."
"I know," Shizune sighed. "But it was the only thing they had. We'll have to refine it when we get to Konoha."
Hinata, seeing that Shizune looked tired, approached shyly. "Shizune san... would you like some water?"
She offered her own canteen. Shizune looked at her, surprised by the kindness.
"Oh, thank you, Hinata san. You're very kind."
"Not at all," Hinata murmured, blushing and sitting near them.
Kiba, Naruto, and Akamaru were in a heated discussion about whether or not a ninja dog could use genjutsu.
Shizune watched the scene. She watched Naruto, who was now trying to explain the tactical advantages of the sexy jutsu to Tonton. She saw Sakura and Hinata working together quietly, methodically organizing bandages. She saw Kurenai, who had appeared in a nearby tree, watching over all of them with a protective gaze.
It was a strange group: loud, chaotic, and strangely functional.
"He's a good kid," Shizune said, her eyes fixed on Naruto. "Loud... but he makes you feel comfortable."
Sakura looked up from the bandages and followed Shizune's gaze. She saw Naruto, now trying to get Tonton to make a hand sign with his hoof, and a small, genuine, and tired smile formed on her lips.
"He's an idiot," Sakura said. "But... yeah. He's our idiot."
Shizune smiled back. "I guess so."
The camp fell silent for a moment, a comfortable silence that was broken suddenly.
"Hey! Kakashi sensei!" Naruto's voice rang out from the other side of the camp, where he was trying to feed Tonton.
Kakashi appeared on a branch above them. "What is it, Naruto?"
"I have a super important question!"
"More important than feeding that pig?"
"Much more important! Why...?" Naruto shouted, pointing at Tsunade, who had moved away to drink sake by the river. "Why did you call her 'Tsunade sama'?! And Shizune too! And Sakura! Why does everyone call her that?! Her name is Tsunade! Just Tsunade!"
Tsunade, by the river, choked on her sake, while Kakashi looked from Naruto to Tsunade and back to Naruto, an amused smile forming in his eye.
"Well, Naruto," Kakashi said, in a didactic tone. "It's a matter of respect. In Konoha, 'Sama' is an honorific we use to address those who are far above us in rank, skill, or status. Like the Hokage... or a Legendary Sannin."
"Honorific?" Naruto repeated.
"Exactly," Kurenai interjected, landing next to Kakashi. "It's to show respect. Like when you call Iruka 'sensei'."
Naruto thought for a moment. "Oh... I see... Respect!"
He leaped to his feet, which caused Tonton to squeal from the abrupt movement, and ran to the river's edge where Tsunade was.
"Grandma!"
Tsunade turned, a vein throbbing on her forehead. "What did I tell you about calling me...?!"
"Grandma Tsunade sama!" Naruto shouted, bowing so deeply his head almost hit his knees.
There was absolute silence as Tsunade stared at him. Kakashi covered his face with his hand and Kurenai turned away, her shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter, while Sakura and Shizune just gaped.
Naruto straightened up, beaming with pride. "Is that right?! It sounds way more respectful!"
Tsunade stared at him and the vein on her forehead throbbed dangerously.
"Brat..." she said, her voice dangerously sweet.
"Yeah, Grandma Tsunade sama?"
"You're fired as my lucky charm."
******
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