I rolled over and realized
Her scent no longer
Peppers my pillows.
Those long strands
Of dyed hair
Used to cling
Like weeping willows.
Two rolled up
Armored hearts,
Gilded
Like armadillos.
The memories no longer haunt,
I had to fucking kill those.
-
Yesterday marked four long years
That I have been without...
I have overcome the shallow fears,
Still battling the doubt...
But I no longer feel that heavy pain
When her name comes about.
I've converted it to healthy things,
I've found a better route.
-
In those early days
Her memories
Would lap against my shores.
And
All the bitterness
I held within
Would only welcome more.
And
Mental images
They flooded in,
Awash across the floors
And
All the thoughts
I thought
That I had lost,
Just seeped out of my pores.
-
I had to detox from the idea
That I could go back someday.
All the gaslights and illusions
Melted down.
Faded away.
I can see all of the lies
She had in place
To make me stay.
I have realized
That I was blinded
By the disarray.
-
I was never meant to save her
Further than her exe's door...
It was not my place
To take his place,
My heart just wanted more...
All that love I had accumulated
Filled her reservoir...
All along, she never needed it,
I needed it much more...
-
Now I've healed and taken better steps
To be a better me.
She is blocked on every platform.
She can't get access, you see.
I can't save her.
I won't brave her.
I attempted that black sea.
You can't save someone
Or brave someone
Who doesn't want to be set free.