I walk a path of rose bushes. I look up and see beautiful, vibrant flowers that emanate illuminating colors almost like a slow streaming river. I look down, and there are long, green and thorny walkways. When I try to move forward I am pierced by the sharp tips of the thorns. If I try to go backwards it hurts even more, opening deep scars left from my own walk of life.
Nobody in my life wanted to get near me because they saw the scars, and they knew that getting too close to me would eventually hurt them. Still there were some people who did get too close, and end up getting hurt.
My life has always been painful no matter what direction I decided to go. Throughout my life I heard petrifying screams inside my head that never ended. I always wanted, no hoped, that one day I would be above these flowers, looking down at the endless rose garden.
What keeps me going through this pain, leaving my bloodstains along the path, is that one day, whoever is going through this will see that there is a purpose for all this pain and bloodshed they had to endure.
Unlike the other times having this dream, I ran into someone. It was a woman, just lying there on her back. She appeared to be dead, but she was lightly breathing. I thought to myself, why was she here? Was she on a different path that eventually ran into mine? Did I stray too far off my path and eventually ran into hers? Why did our paths have to intersect in such a miserable place? Why was she here too?
Nervously, I decided to approach her. I saw she had tattered jeans, a plain grey t-shirt, and was covered in blood. She had long, dirty blond hair, a body other girls I know would die for, and it seemed that she was almost the perfect girl from head to toe, so why was she here with me?
Right before I could get close, I blinked and opened my eyes to a place all too familiar. Four walls, a foggy window and a fan that barely spun. It was all a dream. A dream that reoccurred almost every night, but the difference was I saw a woman for the first time. I quickly looked at the clock and noticed I was running late for my bartending job. After rushing to getting ready, I went to my favorite coffee spot to help jump start my afternoon. I always got a coffee with a splash of hazelnut with a small danish pastry on the side. Everything was pretty normal up to this point. The same girl behind the counter exclaimed from across the store, "Getting the normal today, Katsu?" As usual, I reply with my half-woken smile, and quick nod of my head.
That's when a perfectly normal afternoon turned upside down. I bumped into her, the woman from my dream. Just like my dream, she had a pair of tattered jeans, a gray t-shirt with a rose, long dirty blond hair, and deep hazel eyes. I was in shock. So shocked, I did not realize I had spilled my coffee on her. I quickly apologized when I realized what happened, and offered to have her shirt dry cleaned. Surprisingly she was very nice about the whole situation. When she walked back from changing her shirt, she handed me a bag and handed it over with a smile and a piece of paper with her contact information on it. I looked down at the paper and noticed it had Samantha Rose on it and her whole phone number.
When I looked up to formally introduce myself she was gone, almost like a phantom that just disappeared. I noticed the time and rushed off to work. The night dragged on, the same regulars, with the same problems, and still no solutions. One of the conversations caught my attention. A guy was telling his friends he was going to propose to his girlfriend of four years. They began to tease him about being tied down.
Honestly, I've never really thought of marriage or really dating anyone. I was always too focused on work, and trying to get through life with as little complications as I could.
Throughout that night it appeared pretty normal, but I was losing track of time quite frequently. Out of nowhere I hear my manager call out to me, "Hey Katsu go take a short break, you seem tired today."
I replied with a sluggish agreement, and went outside for quick smoke. The night seemed like it went by way too quickly, and before I knew it, it was time to close. The moment I got home, I threw my keys on the table, changed into sweats so i could kick my feet up, and watch some television. I forgot all about what happened that day, until I noticed the crumpled grey cloth on the floor.
When I reached for it to see what it was, I noticed it was a grey t-shirt with a bright red rose, covered in coffee. Then it instantly hit me what actually happened that day. My mind started racing with uncontrollable thoughts and before I knew it I passed out.
I went back into the same dream I dreamt what seemed like every night, myself in and endless tall rose garden. I started racing through the roses, getting ripped apart just to find the woman again. Something was strange this time, or I should say normal. I was alone, no matter how far I ran I didn't find anyone. No matter where I turned, no matter how far I went, or how quickly I ran, there was nobody. Again, I was all alone.