Okay, so picture this: me, living my best
spider life. Eight legs, shiny exoskeleton, a web portfolio that would make Jeff Bezos cry. I was thriving. Flies? Caught. Lady spiders? Interested. Self-esteem? Through the roof, baby.
If you're imagining a creepy, hairy little thing, stop. I'm not your average basement spider. I'm handsome. Debonair. Basically the Brad Pitt of arachnids. If Brad Pitt had fangs. And ate mosquitoes for breakfast.
Anyway—life was good. Until he showed up.
This human. Tall. Sweaty. Definitely radioactive (don't ask how I knew, I just have instincts, okay?). He stumbles into my web like some drunk Godzilla and instead of screaming or swatting me like a normal idiot, he… get this… bites me.
Yeah. Me.
I mean—what kind of person goes, "Oh look, a spider, better put that in my mouth"? That's not science. That's therapy waiting to happen.
The teeth sank right into my leg. Did it hurt? Oh yeah. Like stepping on Lego with all eight feet. I tried biting him back, but apparently my fangs aren't "up to regulation" when the other guy's juiced on nuclear waste or whatever.
And that's when things started getting weird.
My vision blurred. My head spun. Suddenly I wasn't just thinking, "MUST. EAT. FLY." I was thinking… bills? Regret? The crushing weight of existence? Ugh. Thanks, human DNA.
I stumbled out of my web, legs wobbling like a baby deer, muttering, "What the hell is happening to meee—"
and then I blacked out.
When I woke up? Everything was different. My brain was full of human junk—sarcasm, anxiety, a weird urge to order pizza even though I don't have a mouth big enough for it.
And that, dear reader, was the moment I stopped being just a spider… and became…
Manspider.
(Insert dramatic theme music here. What's that? No budget for music? Fine, hum something epic. I'll wait.)
Author's Note / Review Request:
So yeah… that was Chapter One of Manspider: The Bite Heard 'Round My Web. If you laughed, cringed, or started questioning why a radioactive human was biting a spider in the first place—perfect, that means it worked.
This is just the beginning of Manspider's chaotic, web-tangled adventure. If you enjoyed it, leave a review, drop a comment, or just scream "YEP, THAT HAPPENED" into the void. Either way, I'll hear you. Probably.
Thanks for reading, and stick around—things are about to get even stickier.
(And yes, I totally wrote this note just to pad the word count. Hehehe.)