Year 2017, September.
My friends, Jenny and Raleigh, walked me home yesterday as usual. As a fourth grader, I knew I could go home alone, but they insisted that they should see me going into my house. Daddy is back from work for 2 weeks. He asked me what boy I was holding hands with, walking together. I guess he saw me through the window, even thought i was holdinghand with both Jenny and him. I told him about Raleigh, how he and Jenny always hang out with me after school, and how he always said he liked me, but I kept rejecting him. Daddy couldn't hold back his laughter. Well, it is fun if you think about, a 9-year-old, talking about rejecting a boy. Mom cut our conversation and told me to change and eat something. Today, Raleigh confessed again.
Raleigh is just a normal boy with a not-so-good background. His mom is an alcoholic, parents divorced, abusive stepdad. He sings well, at least as people say. Everyone compliments him on his voice and singing skill. So do I, but I do not actually like it when he sings. I don't understand why adults and other children love his voice so much, he's not even that good. But I still say that I love it, and that I would always support his dream of becoming a singer. I always tell him how I think of him as a good friend and how I would always be here for him.
I don't really like him that much, but having him obsessed with me gave me joy. So, I told him that we were just children, it was too early for sweet teenage romance, maybe he doesn't even like me romantically, and it was just a curiosity, not actually a crush. I told him that my parents wouldn't allow me to date someone at this young age (I knew they would allow me and wouldn't think much about it), and we should focus on studies for now. I couldn't tell him how I really felt. How am I supposed to say, "I don't like you that way"? It might end all the affection. He might stop walking me home. He might stop jumping around me all day, like a monkey who saw a human holding a banana. Jenny laughed at him for being rejected again. I didn't stop her.
I'm being close to him for several reasons. I need someone to do the things I don't want to do. I need someone who won't complain even if I put my anger on. Someone who would just listen to me without complaining about his own life. But most importantly, he was close to Jenny, the one I actually wanted to be close with. Since he has been following me, Jenny has also been around me. When I hang out with him, Jenny would be there too. I wanted HER to be my toy, not him. If it was only Jenny, maybe I would've hesitated, but he also has Maju as his best friend, a sweet girl that is nice to everyone, even to him.
If Jenny is cheerful, she's more like an energetic one. She was exciting to be with, she was tall and pretty, she was good at sports, and unlike me, she was not fake. That girl genuinely cares for everyone, is indiscriminative, nice to everyone just because she wants to. Muja loved herself as a person, so if there was someone similar to her, she would've liked that person too. So I started drawing because she likes drawing and just anything about arts. I started being more energetic and started having a similar vibe to her. My plan succeeded; she is one of my pets now. But even if I have her now, I can't throw him yet. I still need him even thought he's not fun, even thought he was just a tool.