Such vulnerability, to want someone when you don't even know if they would want you back. You keep hoping, chasing far from those who would want you, because the one you want might be as scared as you. They might want you in the same way, but they are also as afraid as you are. Perhaps they might move on if they spot you with another.
What if Han Ji too lost interest… if…
__
Nim's body felt numb, especially the right side. All the plans in his head didn't count this as part of it. His plan was something else, not having his hand cut of.
What would he do? He was a doctor, he needed a stable hand to do his acupunture. He was now useless, just like years ago, he remained still in the palace where he fell. Although he could move, he didn't feel like it was the right thing to do. The man had broken him again, and like last time… Yunxi could only plead. Nim felt stupid.
How could he expect anything from this boy? Someone who had destroyed his life in the first place.
Yunxi had labled him a rapist__ a rapist who raped young boys. Had he forgotten that? His father had died with no doctor willing to touch him, their hospital had gone bankrupt, and he? He had gotten himself paralyzed.
Nim could remember how his father worked so hard to treat him with acupuncture needles. The old man had suffered in silence, alone, fighting for a son who would one day wake up and kill another man just to keep the one who had once stained his life. If Nim's father were here to see this day, he would be the most disappointed man in the whole world. Nim remembered how his father made him promise he would keep his head down and never go near this person.
---
"Promise me — promise you will never bring hell upon yourself again," his father once said.
"I promise, papa," Nim had promised.
So what was he doing right now? Why would he risk it all again? He felt so stupid and disappointed in himself. Even still, it wasn't enough.
....
"Your Highness, you cannot stay here," Eunuch Song spoke. He walked to the carriage and slid the small golden curtains, motioning the princess in. When the princess didn't budge, he continued, "I know you feel awful about everything that happened over the past few days." He paused and walked towards her, taking her hand and led her to the carriage, then continued, "The Emperor will be following us not long from now. You shouldn't worry about His Majesty."
Hanying opened her mouth to speak, but one look from the old eunuch made her tremble backward, face down.
"You got any news from the inn? How is brother..." Princess Yura tried to speak, but the old man didn't let her finish.
"His Majesty is fine. You shouldn't worry. None of the enemies there can defeat him." He looked at the princess's irritated face and spoke before she could say another word. "Noble women come to this market often. People will misunderstand if you speak of a criminal as your friend." Song helped her climb into the carriage and continued, this time loud enough for the guards and maids to hear. "Here, when nobles make mistakes, their servants and maids take the blame." others got the warning loud, clear and understood. If princess ayura made a mistake and the Emperor knew about it, she would have to face the consequences. But she was a princess, and so someone would have to take the blame. And they all knew who that would be.
Yura wanted to leave the carriage, but Hanying didn't let her. She turned to her angrily although she didn't say a word. Instead, she turned back to the eunuch and asked, "What do you mean?"
"It means they didn't teach or help you well." With that, the carriage moved before Yura could say more. She couldn't believe this place had turned into this. How could they punish someone just because their masters didn't do well?
....
"Young miss, here is the tea you ordered," the young servant murmured, pressing the small fancy golden kettle on the table.
Meiylin's eyes turned from her noble friend to the trembling maid. Ever since the Emperor left, her temper had worsened. She felt betrayed, and all her anger was directed straight at the servants.
Meiylin had decided to turn a blind eye about the Emperor's departure. Afterall he had promised her marriage upon his return. He had promised her heavens, and he had spent the night with her. This had brought her hope. The Emperor's words were,
"She will be above them all. She will be the queen, and the others will be no more than women in betrothals."
And Meiylin had believed him. She had buried all her pride although she had sworn not to let another woman share Han Ji's bed.
Days had passed, and Meiylin received an order to receive the princess at the city gates. This made her feel less and less valued. Not that she couldn't do it — but for her to receive someone who would one day be her co-wife, that was so disrespectful. Meiylin had written a letter back to the Emperor, which the guards received to deliver. One of them continued to threaten that the Emperor had given her a warning.
"You do as I say, or you do what you want. I too will do as I wish."
One of the royal soldiers had spoken the Emperor's words exactly, as if trying to give Meiylin the gist.
And she knew what the message meant, she would have more to lose than anyone in this matter.
"Are you ill?" Meiylin asked with a cold gaze. The maid looked up, shaking her head in denial.
Meiylin's face twisted in anger. She threw the kettle of the tea at the maid, making her fall back screaming.
"Am I your fellow? You shake your head as an answer to me? Are you looking down on me?"
"No, no, young miss! I… I am not ill." She knelt down, pleading for forgiveness. "My apologies, young miss."
"Huh." Meiylin laughed, a small sound close to mockery. She stood from her seat and spoke, proud. "Soon, I will be your queen," All attention turned to her. Her friend stood and walked toward her excited.
"Sister Mei, I'm positive you will make a good queen." She complimented.
Meiylin's smile reached her eyes. With that, she turned to the servants who had torns expressions on their faces. "Now, all of you.. from today, you shall address me as your queen," she stated.
All the maids looked displeased but nodded. "Yes, young… your h-highness."
With that, she laughed along with her friend.