Dating World
Su Xiaoqi had returned to Tokisaki Kurumi's home, casually munching on melon seeds while watching the usually refined Namikaze Minato unleash a verbal onslaught on Tsunade in the group chat.
During the time it took him to get back, Tsunade had already learned about Minato's current situation—most importantly, that they existed in the same timeline.
**[Namikaze Minato]:** *If I were you, I'd be too ashamed to even sit in the Hokage's chair. You've got no dignity left.*
**[Tsunade]:** *Oh please, I only came back because your precious son begged me on his knees.*
**[Namikaze Minato]:** *Bullshit! Naruto was just a kid—he didn't know any better. You old farts manipulated him!*
*If Hiruzen hadn't died so fast, I'd have killed him again myself.*
*And all of you—Naruto suffered so much as a child, yet none of you lifted a finger. Don't even pretend you didn't know he was my son!*
**[Tsunade]:** *What's that got to do with me? I wasn't even in Konoha! Why aren't you blaming Jiraiya or Kakashi? One's your teacher, the other's your student!*
**[Namikaze Minato]:** *Jiraiya's dead, so whatever. But Kakashi? Oh, I'll have a nice long chat with him.*
*As for you—if you'd stayed away, I wouldn't say a word. But no, you came crawling back to be the Fifth Hokage.*
*Don't give me that "Naruto begged me" crap. If you really didn't want to return, no one could've forced you. The older you get, the more shameless you become. No wonder no one wants you.*
**[Tsunade]:** *ENOUGH, Minato! I admit Naruto had a rough childhood, but he's grown now—he's indispensable to the village!*
**[Namikaze Minato]:** *Oh, that just pisses me off more! You only value him because of the Nine-Tails! Without it, you'd have left him to rot!*
*Mark my words—I **will** kill Danzō. Try to stop me, and I'll strip you naked and toss you onto Gin's bed.*
**[Sakata Gintoki]:** *@Namikaze Minato, My man! Sure, Tsunade's a bit old, but Gin-san's not picky.*
**[Tsunade]:** *@Sakata Gintoki, SCREW OFF!*
**[Namikaze Minato]:** *@Tsunade, Quit acting high and mighty. You should be grateful any man would take you.*
**[Sakata Gintoki]:** *???*
**[Tsunade]:** *That's IT! Fight me, right now! Hokage Tower, 1v1!*
**[Namikaze Minato]:** *1v1? Don't make me laugh. One Rinnegan, and you'll be kneeling, begging for mercy.*
**[Su Xiaoqi]:** *Sorry, I can't hold back—Minato, where'd you learn to roast like this?*
**[Namikaze Minato]:** *Picked up a **few** things from you guys. Never had the chance to use 'em till today.*
**[Tsunade]:** *@Su Xiaoqi, Who the hell are you? This is a conversation between Kage!*
**[Tokisaki Kurumi]:** *Old hag, say one more word to my darling, and I'll end you.*
**[Lu Linglong]:** *Yeah! Don't make me come to Konoha and start dumpster-diving!*
**[Namikaze Minato]:** *@Tsunade, Calling you "big-boobed airhead" was too generous. Can't you read? He's a **MODERATOR**.*
*Power-wise? The entire shinobi world combined couldn't touch him. One Kamehameha, and you're reuniting with your grandpas.*
**[Tsunade]:** *Minato, can we talk like adults? I get you're upset about Naruto. Fine—kill Danzō. I'll pretend I didn't see it. I'll make it up to Naruto.*
**[Namikaze Minato]:** *Who needs your permission? I'll kill him openly! And Naruto? Kushina and I will take care of him. Keep your "compensation."*
**[Tsunade]:** *Kushina's alive too?!*
**[Namikaze Minato]:** *None of your business. You know her temper—just wait and see.*
**[Tsunade]:** *You wouldn't destroy Konoha… You're the Fourth Hokage!*
**[Namikaze Minato]:** *Screw that title! I'm Namikaze Minato of the Yorozuya now. Don't act familiar.*
**[Uzumaki Boruto]:** *Uh… If Konoha's gone, do I still exist?*
**[Namikaze Minato]:** *Don't worry, grandson. If I burn Konoha, I'll save your mom first.*
**[Uzumaki Boruto]:** *Cool. Just checking.*
**[Namikaze Minato]:** *@Tsunade, I'm done wasting breath on you. Stay in this group as a mascot. Step out of line, and I'll give you the Madara treatment.*
**[Tokisaki Kurumi]:** *Based. No mercy for milk tanks.*
**[Tsunade]:** *Minato, can we talk calmly? You want to see Naruto, right? I can arrange it—no one will know.*
**[Namikaze Minato]:** *You giving me orders? One more word, and I'll have the mods perma-mute you.*
*@Uzumaki Boruto, Video call. Now.*
**[Uzumaki Boruto]:** *O-Okay!*
**[Lu Linglong]:** *This is the best drama ever. Never seen Minato like this.*
**[Nami]:** *Same! @Su Xiaoqi, I even live-streamed it to your girl Vivi.*
**[Su Xiaoqi]:** *Thanks. I'll go easy on you during Enies Lobby.*
**[Nami]:** *Go die.*
**[Kashiwazaki Sena]:** *Minato… I mean, Minato-nii's not wrong. Konoha treated his son horribly.*
**[Sakata Gintoki]:** *Conclusion: It's all Danzō's fault.*
**[Tsunade]:** *Exactly! Blame Danzō!*
**[Tokisaki Kurumi]:** *Who asked you? Stay in your lane, mascot.*
**[Tsunade]:** *YOU—!*
**[Tokisaki Kurumi]:** *What? You're outnumbered here. Everyone's Team Minato.*
**[Yuno Gasai]:** *@Tsunade, Sis, I've got your back! Let's kill this mean Spirit together!*
**[Tokisaki Kurumi]:** *Psycho bitch, who invited you? Get lost.*
**[Kuroba Kaito]:** *Aren't you guys curious about two people from the same timeline being here?*
**[Aizen Sōsuke]:** *Yes and no.*
**[Lu Linglong]:** *Idol, stop being cryptic! @Su Xiaoqi, translate!*
**[Sakata Gintoki]:** *Hold up! Before we dive into boring stuff—did you forget the other silver-haired cutie?*
**[Nami]:** *Got too invested in the drama. Almost forgot.*
**[Lu Linglong]:** *@Sakata Gintoki, Isn't she your type? All yours.*
**[Sakata Gintoki]:** *Nah, nah. Like I said—no kids. She looks underage.*
**[Kashiwazaki Sena]:** *Waaah! My "cutie" title's gone!*
**[Sakata Gintoki]:** *@Kashiwazaki Sena, Don't cry! You're still Gin-san's cutie… just tied for first.*
**[Su Xiaoqi]:** *@Eucliwood Hellscythe, Wanna chat? Don't worry—you can speak freely here.*
**[Eucliwood Hellscythe]:** *Okay.*
**[Su Xiaoqi]:** *Mind if I introduce you to everyone?*
**[Eucliwood Hellscythe]:** *Okay.*
**[Su Xiaoqi]:** *@Sakata Gintoki, You called her underage? Hilarious. I don't know her exact age, but she's at least a few centuries old.*
**[Sakata Gintoki]:** *NANI?!*
**[Aizen Sōsuke]:** *Fascinating. Another unique existence.*
**[Eucliwood Hellscythe]:** *@Su Xiaoqi, Age: No.*
**[Su Xiaoqi]:** *Then let's talk abilities. Her healing is insane—on par with Senzu Beans. But the catch? She feels the patient's pain.*
**[Eucliwood Hellscythe]:** *Correct.*
**[Lu Linglong]:** *Damn! A walking Senzu? We're taking her on every mission!*
**[Nami]:** *@Su Xiaoqi, More! Faster!*
**[Su Xiaoqi]:** *Second ability—girls, you'll love this. She can turn anyone into a "Magical Girl" via costumes. Yes, even guys. @Kuroba Kaito.*
**[Kuroba Kaito]:** *HEY! My cross-dressing is WORK-RELATED!*
**[Lu Linglong]:** *I wanna try!*
**[Kashiwazaki Sena]:** *+1*
**[Nami]:** *+2*
**[Zhu Zhuqing]:** *+3*
**[Himejima Shinoa]:** *+4*
**[Tokisaki Kurumi]:** *@Himejima Shinoa, You? In that? The outfit would file a complaint.*
**[Himejima Shinoa]:** *Ara~ Sometimes I envy your look, @Tokisaki Kurumi.*
**[Tokisaki Kurumi]:** *Hmph. Darling loves me just like this.*
**[Su Xiaoqi]:** *Next ability—this one's for you, @Aizen Sōsuke.*
**[Aizen Sōsuke]:** *I'm listening.*
**[Su Xiaoqi]:** *"Word of God." Her words become reality via magic. Think unlimited-range attacks. Hence why she usually writes instead of speaks.*
**[Eucliwood Hellscythe]:** *Add: My armor suppresses this power.*
**[Aizen Sōsuke]:** *Truly intriguing. I look forward to meeting you, @Eucliwood Hellscythe.*
**[Su Xiaoqi]:** *@Eucliwood Hellscythe, One more thing—never say "die" around her. She knows death's pain better than anyone.*
**[Eucliwood Hellscythe]:** *Thank you.*
**[Lu Linglong]:** *Such power… but it must hurt you deeply, @Eucliwood Hellscythe.*
**[Eucliwood Hellscythe]:** *Used to it.*
**[Sakata Gintoki]:** *Cutie, Gin-san'll pamper you from now on.*
**[Eucliwood Hellscythe]:** *Thanks.*
**[Su Xiaoqi]:** *Last ability—this one'll blow your minds.*
**[Nami]:** *There's MORE?! How OP is this loli—I mean, onee-san?!*
**[Su Xiaoqi]:** *Her blood grants immortality… and resurrection.*
**[Entire Group]:** *WHAT?!*
**[Eucliwood Hellscythe]:** *Clarify: Resurrects as zombies.*