Lu Zeyan thought he was safe.
It was a quiet Wednesday. No scandals, no screaming headlines, no glitter on his office floor.
And then his grandfather walked in.
Sharp suit. Silver cane. Piercing eyes.
Behind him trailed his assistant, trembling like a leaf.
"I came to inspect your marriage," Grandfather Lu announced.
Zeyan sighed. "We're working."
"No. She is not working," came a voice from behind the sofa.
Xu Yinyin popped up like a prairie dog. "Because someone deleted my login again!"
Grandpa raised a brow. "Good. You're both here."
"Great," Yinyin said sweetly, hopping over. "I have complaints."
Zeyan pinched the bridge of his nose. "Please don't."
Too late.
The Wife Complaint Hour
"First of all," Yinyin began, standing like she was in a courtroom, "your grandson has no sense of romance. Zero. Nada. Dead inside."
Grandfather Lu blinked. "Continue."
"He hasn't taken me on a real date—unless you count that corporate gala where he made me sign an NDA after dinner."
Zeyan muttered, "You tried to order the waiter to kiss me ."
Yinyin ignored him. "Second, he refuses to cuddle. Do you know how cold it is sleeping next to an iceberg in human form?"
Grandpa nodded solemnly. "He was always emotionally constipated."
"EXACTLY!" Yinyin gasped. "Thank you, sir!"
Zeyan: "I'm right here."
"Third, he only shows affection in emergencies. Like that time I fake-cried and he bought me an entire bakery."
"You were crying over a TV drama," Zeyan snapped.
"It was a dog funeral episode. Show some compassion."
Grandpa Joins the Fight
Grandfather Lu turned to his grandson.
"She's delightful. What's your problem?"
"She's insane."
"She's spirited."
"She hacked the board system and renamed everyone."
"She's a visionary."
"She labeled the CFO as 'Grumpy Frog.'"
Grandpa chuckled. "Fitting."
Zeyan looked between the two of them, betrayed by blood.
And Then Yinyin Went for the Kill
She sniffed dramatically. "He doesn't even call me by pet names. No 'baby,' no 'sweetheart,' not even 'wife.' Just—'Yinyin.' Like I'm an employee."
Grandfather Lu folded his arms. "Zeyan. Call her something affectionate."
Zeyan stared at her. "No."
"Say it," Grandpa ordered.
He turned to her and, with all the enthusiasm of a hostage, muttered:
"…Baobei."
Yinyin gasped. "DID YOU HEAR THAT?!"
She threw her arms around Grandpa. "Your grandson is slowly learning how to be human!"
Before He Left
Grandpa patted Zeyan's shoulder.
"She's a handful. But she's good for you. You used to be boring."
"I liked being boring," Zeyan growled.
"Now you're interesting. Now you suffer. That's what love is."
Then he left, laughing the whole way to the elevator.
Zeyan collapsed into his chair.
Yinyin flopped onto his couch and kicked her heels off.
After a long silence, she smirked.
"So... Baobei."
"Don't."
"Too late. I'm printing it on a mug."