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I'm Not the Protagonist, But the Whole World Protects Me

pangdudu
35
chs / week
The average realized release rate over the past 30 days is 35 chs / week.
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Synopsis
Lin Zhou is not the protagonist. He has no system. No bloodline. No destiny. Not even a decent pair of shoes. He just wants to survive—maybe find a simple job that includes meals and a bed. That’s it. But fate, the empire, and the entire cultivation world seem to think otherwise. When he eats a bun, the Crown Prince kneels. When he picks up a stick, the Demon Witch pledges eternal loyalty. When he digs soil, he accidentally activates ancient forbidden ruins. And when he smiles… the celestial monitoring system issues a global alert. Now, he's being followed by star-ranked judges, watched by heavenly surveillance, and recorded by entire departments analyzing his mood swings. > He doesn’t want to fight. He doesn’t want power. He just wants peace. But the universe seems convinced he's either a messiah... or a walking apocalypse. A parody cultivation comedy where the world protects the one man who truly doesn’t want to be involved. At all.
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Chapter 1 - Chapter 1 · The Steamed Bun Incident

> "He is just a mortal! Everyone, stand down!"

— Crown Prince of the Empire, Chiyan · Leize

---

[1] Dawn in the Southern Street

The sky was only just turning pale.

On the Empire's southern street, a thin layer of mist clung to the cobblestone road, cold wind carrying the chill of morning frost. In the roadside stall's iron steamer, white vapor billowed, the scent of fresh steamed buns unusually tempting in the damp, frigid air.

The stall owner was turning the buns with a pair of iron tongs when a timid voice came from behind.

> "Boss… do you still have that bun that fell on the ground earlier?"

Turning around, he saw a young man in a faded cotton robe, hair messy like it had been blown through a windstorm, the edges of his straw sandals nearly worn through.

"Oh, it's you, Xiao Zhouzi." The stall owner frowned. "That bun fell three days ago. You sure you want it?"

The man nodded seriously and handed over a copper coin as if presenting a treasure.

"Haven't had breakfast… just want to fill my stomach."

The stall owner sighed, took the coin, and still handed the bun to him.

"You slept in that broken temple again last night, didn't you? No doors there, cold wind blowing straight in."

"As long as it has a roof, it's fine." The young man—Lin Zhou—smiled faintly, took the bun, and sat down on a stone bench at the street corner.

He tore at the bun with small bites, chewing slowly. His throat felt dry; the hard crust scraped his lips, drawing a bit of blood.

"Salty," he muttered to himself. "Blood's really salty."

He didn't notice—one tiny drop of blood was lifted away by the wind, and far above, it stirred something that should never have been awakened.

---

[2] Imperial Palace · Chiyan Hall

"Report—!"

An armored guard knelt on one knee, cold sweat beading on his forehead.

"That person… bled again!"

Inside the hall, the Crown Prince of the Empire, Chiyan · Leize, snapped open his golden eyes mid-cultivation, lightning flashing within.

"Where?!"

"South Street… eating a steamed bun."

"Prepare the horses! I'm going myself!"

The attendant paled. "Your Highness, you needn't personally—"

"You think I want to?!" Leize roared. "Last time he coughed, the five southern provinces' ley lines shook, nearly collapsing the capital! Now he's bleeding and you want me to sit here waiting for the city walls to crack?!"

"…Understood."

"All Chiyan Legion, three thousand dragon cavalry—move out with me!"

---

[3] South Street

Lin Zhou had just finished the last bite of his bun and was brushing crumbs off his hands when the sound of pounding hooves rolled toward him like thunder.

Looking up—through the mist, an army of red-armored cavalry surged like a tide. At the front rode a young man in an imperial crimson cloak, long hair like fire, features stern, killing intent palpable.

"…Crap. War's breaking out?" Lin Zhou scrambled to his feet.

The young man reined in his horse in front of him, dropped to one knee, the weight of his armor crashing onto the stone road. His voice was deep as rolling thunder:

"I, Chiyan · Leize, greet Lord Lin Zhou."

Lin Zhou: "...?"

Leize looked up, gaze blazing hot enough to burn the air.

"Your qi stirred again today. The southern dragon vein is already in turmoil. If I didn't come to suppress it, the capital would be rubble. I came to give thanks!"

Lin Zhou stared blankly. "I just… ate a bun."

"That is exactly what terrifies us."

Lin Zhou looked down at his shabby clothes, then at the kneeling prince.

"Are you sure you've got the right person?"

"Impossible!" Leize's tone was firm. "Three days ago, in the ambush at Soul裂谷, I was at death's door. It was you who passed by and gave me water, saving my life."

"You mean… that blood-covered guy rolling on the ground?"

"That was me."

"I just… tossed you a half-finished bottle of water."

"That still saved me."

Lin Zhou fell silent.

---

[4] The Blood-Red Umbrella

The air suddenly chilled.

A paper umbrella, stained crimson like dried blood, opened between them. Beneath it stood a woman in a scarlet long dress, beauty so striking it bordered on demonic. Her eyes tilted upward, her expression a half-smile as she looked at Lin Zhou.

"Brother Zhou, who bullied you? Tell me, and I'll turn him into a puppet… then boil him into soup for you."

Lin Zhou shivered. "You… you're that witch?"

She nodded lightly. "Last month on Misty Moon Mountain, you picked up my hairpin and helped me up. I've been looking for you ever since."

"I just… handed you a stick I found."

"That stick saved my life."

She glanced at the kneeling prince, eyes darkening.

"Was it you who forced him to cultivate?"

"Presumptuous!" Leize barked. "If anyone dares force Lord Lin Zhou to cultivate, I'll wipe out their entire clan!"

The air between them locked in an invisible clash, pressure mounting.

Lin Zhou jumped between them. "Stop, stop, stop! I'm really just a normal person! Aren't you all making a mistake?!"

Leize said solemnly, "Forgive me, but your formless spiritual pressure and rootless constitution match the prophecy of the 'Apocalyptic Vessel' from three thousand years ago."

Hong Lei nodded slowly. "My demon clan's ancient scrolls also record: should a 'rootless mortal' step onto the path of cultivation, the Three Realms will collapse, and Heaven's Dao will perish."

"But I haven't cultivated anything!"

"That is exactly why we're fighting so hard to keep you mortal."

Lin Zhou: "…"

---

[5] High Above · Celestial Observatory

A star-robed Daoist gazed down at the mortal realm.

"Lin Zhou's blood has spilled again. Curse fluctuation has reached 0.7."

Another voice rumbled, "If it breaks one point, the order of the Three Realms will shatter."

"Restrain his emotions. Under no circumstances let him cultivate."

---

[6] Night · The Broken Temple

Lin Zhou curled in the corner, hugging the remaining half of his bun.

"I just ate a bun… why's the whole world so tense?"

"The prince gave me thousand-year snow ginseng as a snack. The witch sewed me curse-proof clothes…"

"How… am I still 'ordinary'?"

He took another bite of the bun, muttering,

"Either I'm crazy… or you all are."

---

[7] Outside the City · The Shadow

A cloaked figure watched the broken temple from afar, voice low and grim:

"Lin Zhou… has finally appeared."

"Savior… or destroyer of worlds?"