"Dig deeper in my hole, Jas."
"Your hole is too big, Alac."
At midnight, two individuals were doing something suspicious and illegal.
Alac and Jason were digging their holes, but no matter how hard they tried, they couldn't reach the deepest part.
"Man, who the hell is buried here?"
Jason wiped dirt off his face with his sleeve. Useless move. Now he had a muddy face and sleeve.
Obviously, they were digging a grave in a cemetery that had long been abandoned and not doing something suspicious at all.
"My back's killing me," Alac muttered, tossing another shovelful of dirt.
"Stop whining. You're the one who said you needed money for your girlfriend's birthday."
"Yeah, and she wants a diamond ring. Do you know how much those cost?"
"No, because I don't date women who treat me like an ATM."
"That's why you don't have a girlfriend… and you're a weeb… and an eternal virgin."
"… "
"… "
Shots fired. Jason took the full hit. No survivors.
Thunk.
Both shovels hit something solid.
They froze.
Stared at each other.
Then at the dirt.
Then back at each other.
"What if there's a vampire down there?" Jason asked.
Alac stopped mid-breath. "…What?"
"Like, a coffin. With a vampire inside. What if that happens?"
"We're here to rob jewelry off a corpse, not write a Stephen King sequel."
"You never know."
"Shut up and help me clear this dirt."
They scraped away the last of it, revealing an ornate coffin covered in strange symbols.
"Dude, this looks expensive as hell. You ever seen markings like that before?" Alac whispered, eyes already flashing dollar signs.
"I failed history."
"Same."
Jason squinted at the nameplate. "Bartholomae. 1603 to… 1703."
"That's… old."
"One hundred years old."
Alac blinked. "Guy lived three hundred years before us."
"Definitely cursed. I'm telling you, Alac."
"Shut up and help me crack this open."
They jammed in crowbars. Wolves howled in the distance.
The smell hit first—not rot, but dried roses and old cologne.
Inside lay a man in ornate period clothing. Perfectly preserved. Too perfect for someone supposedly dead for centuries.
"Holy shit, he looks like he died yesterday," Jason breathed.
"Forget that," Alac muttered. "Look at his accessories."
Dark, velvet clothing. Pale hands folded neatly over his chest. Gold rings on every finger. A golden pocket watch pinned to his coat, and what looked like a small fortune in jewellery thrown around inside the coffin.
"Jackpot!"
Alac picked up a strange looking gold coin, looking at it hungrily.
Jason's eyes twinkled at the gold.
He too wanted something.
So he reached for the watch and tried to pull it up. But it didn't budge. He took a deep breath and pulled it out.
But suddenly--
Tap tap.
Someone tapped Jasper on the shoulder.
"Gentlemen, I believe that belongs to me..."
Jason twisted his neck at the voice.
A pale man in old-fashioned clothing stood behind them with a benign smile.
His eyes seemed to glow in the moonlight.
"Who-Who are you?" Jasper asked.
Alac had his eyes wide open, jaws about to hit the floor, as he looked at the strange man.
"V-Vampire?!!!"
They looked back at the coffin.
Empty.
"Oh, fuck."
The pale man smiled, revealing fangs that definitely weren't there a second ago.
"Thank you for awakening me, gentlemen. I've been sleeping for quite some time."
"VAMPIRE!"
Alac screamed like a little girl.
"Run, Jas! RUN!"
But Jason was frozen, still clutching the golden watch like an idiot.
"Three hundred years... Do you know how hungry one gets after three hundred years?"
"We're sorry! We'll put everything back! We swear!"
Alac was already climbing out of the grave, abandoning his best friend without hesitation.
What a great friend.
The vampire moved faster than humanly possible.
One moment he was standing there.
The next, Alac was screaming as fangs sank into his neck.
"ALAC!"
Jason finally snapped out of his greed-induced trance.
But it was too late.
Alac's body hit the ground with a wet thud.
"Your turn," the vampire said, wiping blood from his mouth like he'd just finished a nice meal.
"Wait, wait, wait!" Jason backed away, still stupidly holding onto the watch. "I can give you money! I know where there are more graves! Rich people graves!"
"How thoughtful. But I prefer fresh blood to old coins."
The vampire lunged.
Jason's last coherent thought was:
'Man, I should have stayed home and watched some anime!'
Then everything went black.