As we made our way out of the garden toward the lake we fell into a comfortable silence. I wonder if Nik wants pups right away? Maybe he will since all Alphas need an heir. I would like to wait a little longer though. Maybe a year. I'm so nervous. I don't know if I'm going to be that good of a Luna much less a mother. I've been going to these Luna classes with Nikolai's mom, Svetlana, and she says I'm doing great.
She says that I was born to do this. Sometimes though my insecurities show through and I make a mistake. She never yells at me or gets mad though. She just shows me how to fix it and we move on. She always says, "Без труда не вытащишь и рыбку из пруда" (Without effort, you can't even pull a fish out of a pond.) or "Не важно, как медленно ты продвигаешься, главное, что ты не останавливаешься" (It doesn't matter how slowly you go as long as you don't stop.)
She is amazing and makes me miss my mom. I wish I could go see her and my dad. I also wish they could be at the ceremony but they don't know anything about werewolves or mates. I don't think they want to see me anyway. When I left with Trevor my father told me to never come back if I chose him. Thinking of them makes me sad.
As if reading my mind Michelle takes my hand and gives it a comforting squeeze. "You okay Luna?" She asks softly. "I was just thinking about something I messed up." I say putting on a fake smile. "If you ever want to talk about it I'm here for you, and your secrets are safe with me." She squeezed my hand again. "Thank you. You're a good person Michelle and I'm glad to know you." I say and squeeze her hand back.
Then I remember the full moon and possibly getting a wolf. Then the thought hit me like my grandma's bible. "The next full moon is in six days." I say aloud and my eyes widen in realization. "So, does the ceremony have to be before the full moon?" Michelle gives me a wide smile. "Yes, Luna." I gasp and my hand flies over my mouth for a minute before I say shakily "I'm still married! To Trevor..." It was Michelle's turn to gasp and she paled a bit.
"Mind link Nikolai for me please. Tell him to meet us in his office and bring everyone in our inner circle." I said a hint of panic in my voice. I don't want to have to deal with Trevor. I don't want to see his disgusting face or hear his voice. I just wanted to forget he never existed and maybe kill him... Wait where did that thought come from? I'm not usually one prone to that extreme. As we made our way back through the garden to the pack house I stayed silent.
Maybe I should talk to Nik by myself first. He knows I was married to Trevor but he said we would deal with it when I was ready. Well now I don't have a choice. I can't commit myself fully to Nik until I'm completely separated from Trevor. I know without a doubt I do not love Trevor. Honestly I don't think I ever actually did. It was more of the infatuation. He manipulated me and instead of me realizing it, I thought I was the problem. He knew what he was doing, he should be suffering just as I did. The best way to make him suffer though is to rub my happiness in his big dumb face.
Yeah! I'll show him I don't need or want him. I'll show him and maybe I'll let warrior Stephen give him a taste of his own medicine.... Yeah... I'll make him suffer-. My thoughts were cut short when I noticed we were entering Nik's office. My head cleared and my body relaxed. I could smell him so strongly since he marked me and it comforted me immediately. "There you are my Luna." Nikolai greets me with a smile and pushes back from his desk.
I immediately ignore everyone else in the room and go to my mate. I need his comfort. I sit on his lap and wrap my arms around his neck. I burry my head in the crook of his neck and inhale deeply. "What's wrong my Luna?" He asks and I can feel his worry through the bond. I just shake my head but don't move. "Everyone leave us. Go wait in Victor's office." Nikolai says sternly and I hear everyone leave.
Once the door shuts I let out the sob I had been holding in. "Shhh... Shhh... My love. What's wrong? Did something happen?" He asks rubbing circles on my back. I thought about the day I married and started sobbing harder. "Of course something happened.... -sob- I married that monster like the fool I was.-sob- All he saw was a voulnerable young woman and he prayed on me.- sob- He... He... He bro... brok.ke m..ee and -sob- I hate him!"
I don't know how long I sat there sobbing and mumbling incoherent sentences but finally the sobs quieted down and I could hear Nikolai singing to me. I couldn't understand the words because it was in Russian.
Баю-баюшки баю
Не ложись на краю
Придёт серенький волчок,
И укусит за бочок
(Hush-a-bye, Hush-a-bye,
Don't lie on the edge.
Will come a gray wolf,
And bite you in the side.
And drag you to the forest...
Drag you to the forest...
Down under a willow shrub. )