It is morning right now… and I am back to my normal routine, just like every freaking day… That letter is questioning me and my existence- wouldn't my life be just… NORMAL? Or, imagine if I actually have a very big family and what if my life WILL be exciting? But wouldn't that put me away from my friend- Bindu? Bindu is the person; ONLY PERSON who brought meaning to my seemingly "meaningless" existence. Why isn't Bindu my sister? I love her! As a friend, she literally loves me too!
So, today I gotta go to school and survive another day! But, that's just boring… It would be great if nothing new happens today. Nothing much- I am just expecting nothing NEW.
But some kind of warmth erupted in me, bursting like a volcano- is it because of my scar or because I am reluctantly excited? No. I AM NOT EXCITED- but I might be...
My scar started glowing- again. It happened many times; freaks me out every time trying to figure out what this scar means. Does it mean something is gonna happen? My heart raced. Or is my death near? That's cruel! Or is it a good thing? Or is it a bad thing? But every time it glowed, I wasn't able to see the pattern.
'AVANTI!' Padma screamed. I jerked in surprise. Did something bad happen?
'COME OUT OF YOUR ROOM!' Why? Is it really that bad? What is it? The glow on my scar intensified, the beam burning my eyes every time I see it.
'YOU SHOULD GO TO SCHOOL!' Padma shouted again.
I sighed in relief. Oh… is it about school? Thank god! Nothing worse… I came out, ate my breakfast and moved out of the orphanage to walk. It all felt like SECONDS. I don't remember eating- but I ate somehow? What happened to me? Is it because I am questioning my existence too much- or because I am literally living in my thoughts rather than my reality.
'Avanti,' I heard it, but didn't respond. I took a right turn to this building and walked faster. It's 7:30AM right now. Gotta make it fast.
'Avanti,' I heard footsteps echoing behind me.
I sped up. Don't wanna start up new thing to care about- all that guy will talk is about gossips.
'AVANTI!' Vishal kept shouting behind me. If he's calling me these many times, I guess I have to talk. I turned back.
'Hey,' he said and waved.
'Hi.' I replied. I don't wanna talk right now, but I don't have a chance right now.
'So,'
'Why were you calling me? Aren't we-'
'You are,'
'Supposed to go to school?' I asked him. He nodded. And then squinted.
'Wait, I forgot what I was gonna say.' He said and started thinking. I sighed again. He stepped back and started running towards me again saying, 'Avanti,'
'Did you remember it now?' I asked him. He slapped his head. I chuckled. Funny.
'Tell me in school when you remember.' I said and headed towards that another street. He reached me and started walking parallel to me.
'You wanna talk?' He asked. Why? How did I look like I would wanna talk?
'YOU wanna talk? Go ahead! I am a good listener-'
'You look sad today,' I immediately hid my glowing scar behind.
'Yeah- yea, k- kinda sad… Not a- big deal right now!' I said, avoiding his eye contact. He shouldn't know about this scar.
'Are you sure? You look nervous?' He said, his steps echoing loudly as we entered another street beside a market.
'I- I'm not nervous! I'm n-not!' I said, my hands sweating; but why? He looked at me- reading my face.
'I am just questioning my e-existence… if that makes any s-sense,' I uttered.
'Questioning- EXISTENCE?' I nodded, smiling feebly. His curious face relaxed. He took another turn and I followed him.
The street was silent even if there are many people here. No sound. Very scary. Should I talk? Or is he going to assume something else?
'I- I; um, you know,' I started. He looked at me.
'In this vast uni-' Nope- Universe is too abstract, no- let me change it; 'vast world, my existence is literally INSIGNIFICANT. Isn't it?' I spoke quickly. He still maintained the eye contact. Am I staring too intensely or is my eye contact enough right now? Ugh! I am tired already.
'What's this silence?' I uttered. He raised his brows.
'I am listening,'
'Sorry, I just- um… I'm kinda messed up right now.' I said, my hands shaking.
'Do you think size matters in this universe?' He questioned me. I nodded- but certainly this time. It does. He scoffed.
'Sometimes even the smallest change could have a big impact.' He uttered. I blinked.
He must be an old soul trapped inside a teen- just like me…
'Okay, I get what you are saying,'
'Your life could swerve and change unexpectedly- who knows?' He spoke, like a saint giving me advice.
'You can't change my perspective.' I chuckled. He raised a brow. 'I have been thinking like this for years now. And I am OKAY with this "meaningless" life.' I said, chuckling. He looked down as if he lost some opportunity.
'Are you okay?' I asked him.
'I feel alienated.'
'What?'
'Let me be honest; everyone else in my age would scoff at such deep and intriguing things I talk about.' He uttered.
'Is there ANYONE ELSE who wants to talk such stuff?' He questioned, looking at me. I blinked again. 'No one,' He said, tears reaching the corner of his eyes which he sniffed.
'Hey, Vishal,' I patted his shoulder as he sniffed. I suck at comforting people- but let's try?
'Talk whatever you want! It's interesting. I feel relatable.'
'Really?'
I nodded without hesitation. 'Or are you just being nice?'
'I love things that are out of the world! You are talking about something? Just talk- I will present to you my opinions!' I said. He smiled feebly.
'Hmm, do you know chaos theory?' He started. Chaos theory? Interesting…
'Even a very small change can become bigger and bigger and at the end, leave a big impact!' He explained. I nodded. Well, I agree with what he says,
'But,' I started. He looked at me again raising his brows.
'If- you know, things change gradually right!'
'What do you mean?'
'I mean, if there's a small change in the input, there would only be a small change in the output too! Things are gradual right!' I explained him.
He shook his head.
'The rate of change can be gradual and continuous. But realistically, not everything is perfectly gradual or continuous.'
'Example?'
'You know; if a butterfly flaps its wings in one country, that small wind can cause a tsunami in another country by becoming bigger and bigger!' He explained with excitement.
'A tsunami?'
'I mean, a- a tornado?' He said, slapping his forehead.
I smiled. We took another left turn.
'I get it. But,'
'Wait-' he stopped.
'Maybe I forgot to ask you this- yeah!' He exclaimed. What did he forget to ask?
'Will you teach me calculus and trigonometry? I don't understand what that teacher is yapping all day,'
'Which topic?'
'Limits and continuity- I don't understand that concept at all!' He said.
I chuckled.
Something touched my shoulder. A water droplet? Vishal looked up. Immediately the rain started pouring. I ran to a closed shop nearby for shelter, as Vishal followed me. I looked around. Isn't this the 8th street to that shopping complex? Wait- this isn't the way we go to school!
'Where are we?' I asked him, shaking.
He looked around and at his watch. Its 9:30 and school's at 8:00! He gasped.
'Now I remember why I called you!' He said loudly.
'What?'
'You took a wrong turn! I was about to tell you that and I-' He uttered and stopped.
For some reason, I stopped my upcoming laughter. Yeah, I am laughing at myself for being stupid. Laughing at my own misery. Great. PERFECT.
'Wow! PERFECT!' I said and clapped.
Vishal started sniffing.
'Are you okay?' I shrugged him.
Vishal shook his head and- fell on his knees and started crying.
'Do you remember the way back home?' I asked him.
He started crying louder. Yeah, I am bad at comforting others and he is good at forgetting stuff. Happens.
'Help!' He screamed.
Not even a single person is roaming in this street. Every drop the rain hits the ground, it started echoing- making Vishal cry louder. I could cry- too; but I would rather laugh at my stupidity for forgetting the address in which I have been living for more than a DECADE!? Maybe Vishal doesn't forget our address back home- will he? Ugh! I can't trust him… He is forgetful too.
'Did you remember the address?' I asked him. 'Orphanage address?'
He shook his head, crying louder. Yep, it's my mistake to expect him to remember things. It wouldn't be surprising even if he forgot the alphabet too. But the worst thing is that even I forgot the address.
'HELP!' I started shouting with him as we stood there helplessly.
A car came into the street. Vishal shouted louder but the car didn't stop.
'Huh, guess we're staying here forever…' I said. Vishal bursted out crying again. Am I making his cry worse? Maybe I should shut up-
'Need any help?' the car returned and a lady in the driver's seat asked us.
'We should go to our-'
'Get in.' she said. Her face wasn't visible properly because of the darkness. But the car looks costly! Vishal sat in the back seat while I sat in the front to tell her whatever I remember.
'Close the door- is the seat okay for you? Should I adjust it?'
'It's okay aunty… Your car looks c- cool!' I said.
No reply.
No response.
Only silence… Okay…
She started driving.
'And the next left,' I showed.
'No- it's that right, remember we were talking about butterfly effect then,' Vishal explained.
'Yeah, yeah, he is right. Right.' I showed her. Wow, now I couldn't even remember what Vishal could-
'Well, next?' She asked us.
'I- I don't remember; he doesn't either.' I said.
'Well, I think that Google maps can show our orphanage! Love and care orphanage-' Vishal helped.
'Orphanage?' Someone in the back seat asked us.
'What a coincidence?' The lady in front exclaimed. 'We are also going to that place!'
'AN ORPHANAGE? Are you freaking serious mom?' that girl from back shouted.
'Why are shouting?' This lady questioned her.
'Yeah. Now I see it. I am adopted. Right?' the girl in back said. The car suddenly stopped.
'Are you crazy?' the lady in front looked behind and shouted. 'Then come to abroad! It's not that hard!'
'Why not stay here? Is your business more important THAN ME?' That girl in back screamed.
There was just silence. Silence amplifying the awkwardness… What could've possibly happened to this lady who is driving and her "daughter"? But anyways, who cares? I looked at the window.
Yeah, this is the place where I possibly took the wrong turn. This is reminding me of my STUPIDITY. I guess I remember the way from here??? Did I?
This front lady started driving, tears lingering in the edge of her eyes.
'N-No you are n-not adopted-' her teary shaky voice grew louder.
Woah- this drama IS something serious-
Vishal started tapping my shoulder. Why the heck does he even call me? To make things worse? This time I am not taking the wrong turn.
He tapped again.
I turned back.
'Avanti,' He started excitedly.
'Shh,' I shushed him and turned front again. 'I don't wanna talk right now.' I whispered.
'Ha?' That lady who is driving responded to me.
'Nothing.' I shook my head.
'Be honest. I am adopted right?' That girl in back seat screamed again.
Her "mom"? She's just driving…
'Next, it's a left right?' She asked me. I nodded.
What's going on here? Should I look at back? No. It looks awkward. Now looks like this drama would escalate and I am here for it-
Vishal tapped my shoulder again. WHY!?
'I don't wanna talk right now.' I whispered without turning back this time.
The lady kept looking at front intensely like she isn't bothered with whatever is happening right now. That girl in the back just got ignored. So sad…
'Mo- You adopted me, right?' She asked again. No one responded and nothing happened except-
Vishal tapped my shoulder again.
'Next left or right?'
'Right' I responded.
She nodded and drove forward. One more minute and we came back to our orphanage. Today I'll just give another excuse to not go back to school. I am already tired… What should I say? Headache? No- they won't let me see my mobile. Stomach ache? No- she wouldn't let me eat those noodles! Hand ache? Works maybe-
My scar started glowing again. And it's paining. And it's too bright. And it's itchy. And it's EXHAUSTING. Why does this all happen to only me??? Wait- if I say I have hand ache, she wouldn't let me play games in my mobile. Looks like I have no other option right now. What should I do?
'You're not responding cuz YOU ADOPTED ME.' She shouted again- disrupting my thoughts.
The car stopped abruptly.
'We reached your orphanage.' She said.
'Who the heck are you?' that girl shouted from back. I opened the door and quickly tiptoed to my room- the front door was opened. I gotta escape before the drama between those two escalates. Vishal came behind me with his bag.
I sat on the couch after turning on the fans and just laid there like I have nothing else in my life to do. Vishal dropped his bags and sat on the couch in front of me.
Padma came from the kitchen. She looked at us, squinting and doubting why we came here.
Vishal stood up immediately to explain himself-
'Hey, Padma!' The lady who drove the car came in with a small pink suitcase.
As Padma looked at her, her expression changed. She greeted that lady.
'Come sit. I will bring you lunch-'
'No- you don't have to. Actually, my daughter will stay here for few days if you don't mind-'
'No problem. Tell her to come in,' Padma said and rushed into the kitchen to bring water.
Awkward silence haunted us again for a moment. Why does everything HAVE to be awkward? I wonder what's happening between that lady and her "daughter"… Maybe a normal fight… I guess.
Vishal was glaring at me as if I denied his entire existence. Before I could respond-
'Bye, I'll come again.' That lady stood up to go. I stood up to greet her. Vishal stood- but was still looking disappointed. He is looking at me as if I killed his crush! What? Just because I didn't respond-
That lady went out as that girl stepped in with her luggage.
I looked at Vishal. 'What happened?'
He just looked at me silently… WITH. THAT. DEAD. PAN. FACE. But why?
'See, I just didn't wanna talk-'
'You'll see.' He said simply crossing his arms. What will I see?
'What?' I asked him. He looked at the door and pointed at the girl who just came in.
She looked at me. I looked at her.
My stomach twisted.
No way. No FREAKING WAY!
She has brown hair that went well with her classic and elegant outfit. Her blue eyes and freckles didn't match well- but they did complement the color of her dress- a dress that would fit me too. Her thick and angry eyebrows were scary- but now, she's surprised too. She also has a big-fat nose and a cute dimple. She is short and not taller than me.
I blinked. Her jaw dropped. Am I looking at MY own reflection or is she just IDENTICAL to me? The only difference is that her brown hair is straight while mine thrives in the waves of curls.
She dropped the bag she was holding as she saw me, her eyes in pure awe. Nothing made me THIS aware of my ugly nose. Not my reflection, not a thousand photos. But HER face? HER nose? Is this a joke???
But she looks good though. Will I look good if I straighten my hair?
I fell back on my couch as Vishal just shrugged. I looked at her again as she was still scanning me like a detective. And that- her scar- on her wrist was glowing.
The silence stretched unbearably longer. She kept staring at me. I kept staring at her.
I wanted to move. Say something. Do something.
But a question kept hanging at the back of my mind… Is she related to me-?
Or worse, IS SHE MY TWIN?