(Avanti's perspective)
Sometimes the universe is too big to look at.
I stared through the cracked orphanage window, watching stars blink like tiny lies. They look close- like I could pluck one out of the sky and put it in my pocket. But they're dead light. Light from millions of years ago. Still travelling…
I walked home from school today- one kilometer that felt forever. It obviously took FOREVER. My legs ached more than I would burn into ashes once I put a star in my pocket.
Earth's radius is 6,400 kilometers.
The volume of sun can fit over a million earths. And guess what? That's not the biggest thing yet. The solar system. The epic- Nope. Not epic yet.
What about the boss, Milky way galaxy? Our solar system isn't even close to being a whisper in front of this galaxy. Wait- it didn't end.
The Milky way galaxy- just one of millions- nope, BILLIONS. Or at least "billion" is a number I can comprehend. But what's something that can't be written is the distance between Milky way galaxy and the NEAREST galaxy. Yeah, "nearest" galaxy is 2.5 million light years away. Millions of "distance travelled by the fastest thing in a year".
Great. Absolutely great.
And the observable universe? If you think that's big, then you're done.
But the point is; I exist inside of it. Me, the tiniest and most invisible whisper you can hear. How insignificant…
I glanced at my wrist. A scar existed there like it's forgotten for what it meant. Was it from my parents? An accident? A mistake? A mark? Sometimes it could be a clue. Sometimes I matter enough for clues.
Most of the time, I just sit here, in the dark, wondering why nothing answers me back. My life is a boring game that I can't quit… I actually don't wanna quit this. It's easy, and certain.
But who cares?
'Avanti,' Bindu called me. 'What are you looking at?'
'We ordered a strawberry cake for you!' Padma, our care taker said.
Strawberry cake? I don't like it! But I don't think this so called "birthday" would even matter in my meaningless life. Today's supposed to be special, but it's not.
But, does having parents make a difference? I don't know…
'Come on; help us attach these balloons to the ceiling.' Bindu called me.
I moved and started filling the balloons with air. I looked at my scar again. Where would I even find my parents in this vast universe? Where should I even start? Is finding my parents the ONLY purpose of my life?
Nah- honestly that's a very boring purpose to live for…
'Eh, LOOK WHAT YOU'RE DOING!' Bindu shrugged me. A balloon blasted in my hands.
I came back to my senses.
Can I sleep already? Does this party even gonna matter? Is it gonna make me feel more worthy? Is this party gonna make me find my parents or what? Useless celebrations…
'Avanti,' Bindu shrugged me again.
I looked at her.
'What happened to you? Is something wrong?' She asked me.
'Do I matter?'
'Come on! Stop thinking like that! Enjoy your birthday-' Bindu replied pushing a balloon to the ceiling.
Wow… I am just expected to "enjoy" or "stop" thinking as if I chose to feel bad. This birthday honestly doesn't make me feel any better.
'Fill these balloons,' Bindu handed me a packet of inflated balloons.
I just took them and started blowing them. Yep. I am just a passive piece here. But, this is kinda okay… No issues, no struggles, no chaos. Isn't this kinda awesome?
Sounds VERY weird.
'It's stupid…' I uttered.
'What?' Bindu questioned while struggling to place the balloons on ceiling despite being so tall.
'Um, nothing.' I said.
'BINDU!' Padma called her loudly. 'WHERE IS THAT CAKE?'
'I feel like,'
'I AM COMING!' Bindu said and left.
And- I'm all alone. Right now…
I wonder if she listened to me or not.
Again, doesn't matter I guess.
The party was done and all of us gathered around to play truth or dare. All the party THANKFULLY was done in a matter of seconds;
Or it just felt like that. I was out of my senses throughout my party. I was lost in the thought of meaning of life… Not just my life; how are others living happily without ever questioning their existence? I couldn't imagine living while just letting go.
'Hey,' Bindu shrugged me as my mind was just blending seamlessly into inexistence.
'Hm,' I moved, coming back to my senses…
She was smiling, holding a green color oval shaped toy.
'This is for you.' She gave it to me.
A toy? Wow. Bindu thought this would help me? She knew what I like, right? Or, is this a mistake? I looked at her.
She smiled. I smiled back feebly- but she can read the disappointment.
'Didn't like it?' She asked me.
'Just a toy,' I stopped-
She looked at me curiously as I was rethinking my words. Bindu gave me at least SOMETHING. I must take it. Maybe SHE likes this toy-
I smiled.
'This is an avocado plushie. You'll like it.' She said smiling.
A plushie??? I love soft toys! I never told anyone that I loved Soft toys…
'How do you know that I like these?' I whispered softly- because it's actually my embarrassing sweet little secret that no one knows…
Bindu smiled. 'I know you love plushies- once you almost said it and I remembered it to give you a gift on your birthday.' She said.
I looked at her, feeling really special. She remembered just a small detail for me. This toy made my day. And also, this avocado looks too cute!!!
'You know; no one except you know that I love plushies!' I said.
She chuckled.
Yeah, maybe my purpose is just living for this friend… I wish no one else adopts any of us. I don't want a new family-
'Well, I take it as a compliment. That shows how much you love me.' She said.
Everyone around us were coming together and sitting down for something.
'Guys, let's play a game! Who'll join-?'
'Everyone sit down!'
I sat down for the game as everyone talked and laughed.
Truth or dare game. Nice…
They spun the pencil on ground and it pointed to me. ME?
'Truth,' I said being prepared.
'No. You've said two truths already and third one's a dare!' someone said.
Everyone laughed in response to her. Vishal grinned widely. Vishal is my classmate who just chats with me casually while walking to our school. He is the shy and quiet guy- well, that's outside. Inside, he's the craziest person I have ever seen. By the way, his grin is terrifying. Imagine a shark laughing? He looks just like that.
'She's gonna do that dare tomorrow in class. I have an interesting one for you, birthday girl!' Vishal said creepily.
'What's that?' a boy asked Vishal.
'You have to sing a song in Maths period while teacher is teaching the class.' He said, laughing.
'Sing the wheels on the bus go round and round' someone else said and everyone laughed.
'Stop it! She doesn't know even a single nursery rhyme' Bindu said and laughed.
I froze. Why am I even playing this stupid game in the first place?
I sighed.
'Nah, I have something more interesting for her! Not the song Vishal, you're the only one who witnesses it.' Bindu said. 'Shall we tell her to go and find that ghost in store room?'
'Oh my god! That's scary!' Some girl responded.
'Oh Avanti, you don't know about that ghost right!' Bindu asked me.
I nodded.
Which ghost? In the store room? I guess it's another rumor again. People here honestly think this orphanage is special like in the fictional stories and that we orphans are heroes who save the world… And now, A GHOST.
'I am actually afraid of that ghost. It's her birthday Bindu! She should enjoy it, not get scared!' Vishal said while others nodded.
'Nah, be practical guys! It's just a rumor right! There are no ghosts in real life!' Bindu said but everyone warned her seriously.
'Avanti, if you are my friend; then go to that store room. Don't worry, there's no ghost. It's just dark.' Bindu said. Everyone looked at me.
'Seriously; Bindu? Do you wanna kill her?' a girl argued.
Bindu rolled her eyes. Yeah, I would give a try if Bindu asked me to do. She's literally my best friend. I would do anything for her. Anyways, there's already nothing special in my meaningless life. I would at least be a loyal friend which adds some meaning to my life… I don't mind doing whatever she says! Maybe just surviving my life like this normally without anything new is the key…
'I will go!' I said enthusiastically.
Bindu smiled as everyone else looked concerned.
'That ghost could kill you Avanti! This is your birthday!' Ravi said.
'I don't care bruh! Bindu told me to do it and I AM DOING IT!' I said. Vishal slapped his fore head while the others mumbled in disappointment.
'That's why you're my best friend Avanti! Love ya!' Bindu said and hugged me.
I approached the store room as no one except Bindu followed me. Everyone else just peeked at me from far away. I slowly opened the door. The door was quite dusty. I coughed as I opened it. Bindu came in front of me to clean the door because I have dust allergy. I opened the door as it squeaked which sent shivers down my spine.
The room was really dark and silent. I glanced at Bindu one last time. She nodded, smiling. I just went into the room.
Bindu closed the door as I entered in. I swear to god- my heart just jumped. I looked around. There were some more dusty shelves here. I turned on the lights and then I saw how dusty the switch was. I coughed. I couldn't stay here any longer. I stepped forward and said,
'Hey, are you there; ghost?' But that's a funny question to ask a ghost, isn't it?
I looked around again as the image of vast galaxies kept spinning in my mind. What's the worst that could possibly happen? The ghost coming suddenly? Will the ghost kill me? I don't care… I don't even know what I am leading my life for- I mean, I wanna meet my parents but that's impossible.
I would definitely make it to headlines by dying in an orphanage on my birthday. Wouldn't that be cool? And Bindu would be so happy that she has such a loyal friend too…
I stepped forward again and I felt like I stepped on some paper. No- stepping on a paper is a sin! I looked down. It was an envelope. What? Maybe some funds that someone sent for our orphanage. I took the envelope and read what's on it.
"Dear LOVE AND CARE ORPHANAGE,
We want our child to be raised by you as we are in a situation where we can't ensure a safe environment for our new born to thrive. She might ask for her parents and we expect you to tell her that she is definitely loved by her parents and there are many who care for her- but not ready to be available for her right now.
As parents, it was indeed an enormous pain for us to live without our baby… But, situations demand and we are doing this for her safety. We have to search for the best and careful place that can securely nurture and develop our child into an independent being and we see that your orphanage just does that. It would be an enormous contribution to the humanity, if you were able to protect her.
Teach our child how to be strong and value herself. Teach her to have faith in herself and in her loved ones. Teach her that it's okay to do mistakes, we are all human. Teach her that the world is chaotic and sometimes we just have to go with the flow. Teach her how important balance is. Teach her to respect people in general including herself. Teach her to set an example for others to follow her path. She will be a trend setter.
Also, we would like it that our baby must be named "AVANTI" for some personal reasons that can't be specified here. And this day can be celebrated as her birthday, "25th of October" every year. And if she is curious about her parents, tell her that we were DEAD. Don't let her expect or dream about her parents living. We are still unsure if we would live according to the situation we must be dealing.
And tell her that the scar she possesses is a mark of her living and bravery. It was a wound caused by someone and for personal reasons, we don't want any attempts to be done to heal that wound or cover that scar. That scar is her identity- an identity that would show her family that has been brave to deal with this situation right now.
Don't let Avanti find this letter, or it could shatter her heart. And if you found this unexpectedly, Avanti- your mom and dad love you. We just couldn't show ourselves to you. Try to live your life to the fullest while being passionate about the future. You are worthy and very important. You are loved. You don't even know how meaningful your life is. Be prepared for the upcoming challenges the destiny wants you to face. Embrace your powers and strengths; more importantly your SCAR. You have a family and it will find you some day. Just wait…
Thanks for your patience. Here's 1,000,000 rupees if it would help you to develop your orphanage.
Yours lovingly, Avanti's parents"
I don't have to explain how shocked I was when I read this letter. A fear grew in my mind that there will be my parents, somewhere out there.
But- why did they expect me to see this? Like, it looked as if they KNEW I would see this. Why? Did they leave me ON PURPOSE? Are they alive?
So that means if my parents or family exists and I find them, they will take me away from Bindu right? And starting to live with a new family, new people is really uncomfortable. I just wanna live under the rock- like this, FOREVER. Anything more in my life that's new and I am completely doomed.
I came back and slept on my bed, wondering about the letter. One million rupees? Strange. It should either be 1 million dollars or 10 lakh rupees. Or else it sounds strange as if they don't know the number system or the currency system here. And that language is pretty strangely formal. And my scar is a sign of bravery? Bravery of whom? My bravery when I am a child? Is this even a wound or some birth mark? No, it isn't a wound. It would have healed by now if it is.
I gently brushed my scar. It started glowing faintly, throwing me off guard.