"Okay. Breathe. You've played games. Goblins are like the rats of fantasy worlds. You got this."
I stood in the cabbage field—sorry, ex-cabbage field—as six goblins crept toward me, one burping loudly and waving what looked like a stolen kitchen spoon.
The leader snarled and pointed his rusty spear at me.
"Human! Greeegh! Meatbag!"
> Reminder: Current mission: Survive goblin ambush.
Recommended actions: Fight, run, or invent time travel.
"Running sounds great," I muttered.
I turned around—and ran directly into another goblin. Apparently, they had flanked me.
"AHHHH!"
> Emergency Response Activated!
Triggered Skill: Panicked Scream Lv. 1
Effect: Stuns enemies within 3 meters for 1 second.
Cooldown: 10 minutes
I blinked. All six goblins froze mid-snarl, looking like someone had just unplugged their brains.
"…It worked?!"
"RAAAAGH!" I yelled again just to be safe and then swung my trusty Wooden Stick of Slight Discomfort™ at the nearest one. It bonked the goblin on the head, who collapsed like a sack of potatoes.
> Goblin defeated! +5 XP
That got their attention again.
The others growled and rushed me. I held up my stick and prayed.
> System Tip: You still have one unused skill point.
"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME EARLIER?!"
> You didn't ask. :D
"Spend it! Give me anything!"
> One moment...
Unlocking skill: Accidental Acrobatics Lv. 1
Suddenly, I felt my legs move without my permission—doing a backflip over a goblin.
"AAGHH—WHY ARE MY KNEES MOVING LIKE THIS?!"
I landed like a clumsy ninja and elbowed another goblin in the face. It crumpled, dazed.
> +5 XP
Combo Bonus: Lucky Idiot triggered
Bonus XP: +5
Two goblins left. One lunged at me—I ducked purely by instinct (a.k.a. slipping on mud)—and the goblin flew overhead, landing face-first in the dirt.
I stared at the last one, both of us equally confused.
Then I activated my only offensive skill.
"INTIMIDATING GLARE!"
I glared with all the power of a student who just got assigned weekend homework.
The goblin screamed in terror, dropped his spoon, and ran away crying.
> Mission Complete: Survive the Goblin Ambush
Rewards: +30 XP, +2 Bronze Coins
Bonus Reward: Mysterious Chest (Common)
Level Up! You are now Level 2!
Stat Points +3. Skill Points +1
I flopped onto the ground, breathing heavily.
"Did I just win… through accident, fear, and shouting?"
> Affirmative. That's called "strategic chaos."
---
Ten Minutes Later…
I opened the Mysterious Chest.
Inside was:
A Beginner's Adventurer Outfit (slightly used)
A Map of the Local Area
A Basic Healing Potion
And… a literal Rubber Chicken Weapon labeled "Legendary (???)"
I stared at the chicken.
It stared back.
I picked it up. It made a loud squeak.
> Weapon equipped: Rubber Chicken of Confusion
Effect: On hit, 20% chance to confuse enemies.
Bonus: Squeaks loudly and embarrassingly.
"I'm never going to be taken seriously again, am I?"
> Nope! But you'll live longer!
---
Later That Day…
I walked down a dirt path toward what the map labeled as "Woodleaf Village." I was dressed in hand-me-down armor, carrying a rubber chicken on my back, and muttering to myself like a crazy person.
"Okay… step one: find food. Step two: find inn. Step three: don't die."
> Optional step four: Get rich, defeat demon kings, and build a mansion with 47 bathrooms.
"…Sure. And I'll ride a dragon to work."
As I approached the village gate, two guards looked at me. One raised an eyebrow at my weapon.
"Uh… new adventurer?"
"Yes," I said with as much dignity as a man holding poultry could muster.
"…Right. Welcome to Woodleaf. You'll fit right in."
---
Inside the Guild Hall…
I registered as an adventurer.
Name: Kaito
Class: "???"
Weapon: …Chicken
The receptionist, a sweet lady with glasses and suspiciously sharp teeth, gave me a side-eye.
"Most people use swords."
"My stick broke."
"And… the chicken?"
"It was free."
She handed me a wooden badge. "Welcome to the Adventurer's Guild. Try not to die."
I grinned. "You know what? I think I'm starting to get the hang of this world."
> New Mission Available!
"Prove your worth by completing a quest from the guild board!"
Reward: 50 XP, 1 Healing Herb, and Bragging Rights
I looked over at the quest board. One flyer caught my eye:
> Urgent! Eliminate the giant chicken terrorizing the outskirts!
Reward: 5 Bronze Coins and free chicken dinner.
"…You've got to be kidding me."