> Mission: Investigate the Whispering Forest Ruins
Objective: Enter the ruins. Discover its secrets. Don't die.
Reward: ???
Risk: Probably Death, Definitely Jumpscares
"Okay," I said, staring at the moss-covered ruin entrance. "Creepy whispering forest? Check. Ancient ruins? Check. Haunted air? Check. Why am I doing this again?"
> Because you're broke and the sword in there is cool.
Also, destiny and all that junk.
"…I'm starting to think you just want me dead."
> Me? No. Just... moderately injured. Builds character.
---
Inside the Ruins
The interior was dark, damp, and full of regret.
My footsteps echoed as I tiptoed through cracked stone floors, spiderwebs brushing my hair, and the scent of "definitely cursed" lingering in the air.
> Activated Passive Skill: Mild Paranoia Lv. 3
"Oh great. Even my trauma gets XP."
Then I saw it—a pedestal at the center of the chamber. Upon it rested a sword. A beautiful, sleek, silver longsword with glowing blue runes and—
> Legendary Weapon Identified: Sarcasmus, the Sentient Sword
Type: Magical
Mood: Salty
I stepped forward reverently, reached out, and—
"Don't touch me with your sweaty peasant hands," a voice said.
I screamed. "WHO SAID THAT?!"
"I did," the sword replied. "Seriously? That's your battle stance? You look like a confused duck."
"…It talks."
> Congratulations! You've obtained your first Sentient Weapon.
Sarcasmus has joined your inventory.
Warning: Sarcasmus has opinion
I held the sword up.
"You and me, buddy. Let's kill monsters and get rich."
"Oh joy, I've been awakened by a bargain-bin protagonist," Sarcasmus sighed. "Please, at least don't trip over yourself on the way out."
"You're kind of a jerk."
"I'm legendary, not friendly."
> New Passive Unlocked: Verbal Abuse Resistance Lv. 1
---
Mini-Boss Encounter
Just as I prepared to leave the ruins, the walls trembled. A door burst open, and a skeletal knight emerged.
> Mini-Boss: Sir Bones-a-Lot
Weapon: Spiky Stick of Doom
Quote: "Clatter."
"Okay, rude."
The skeleton charged. I panicked.
"Sarcasmus, any advice?!"
"Yes: run."
I swung anyway.
> Critical Hit!
Skeleton's bones rattled in protest.
Sarcasmus: "Huh. Guess you're not completely useless."
I grinned. "We make a great team!"
"Let's not go that far."
---
Post-Battle Victory
> Mini-Boss Defeated!
Loot:
– 12 Bronze Coins
– Bone Dust
– Cursed Helmet of Dramatic Flair
I stared at the helmet. "This looks cool."
Sarcasmus: "You look like an emo turnip."
"Thanks for the support."
> Quest Complete!
Reward:
– +200 XP
– Skill Unlocked: Swordsmanship Lv. 1
– Sarcasmus: permanently attached to your soul.
Enjoy the sarcasm!
---
Back at the Guild
"Back already?" the receptionist asked.
I dropped the skeleton helmet on the counter. "I fought undead, stole a sword, and unlocked trauma. Can I get soup?"
She blinked. "You're serious?"
Sarcasmus spoke up. "No, he's a walking comedy act."
The receptionist screamed.
"Oh yeah," I muttered. "Forgot to mention the sword talks."
> New Title Acquired: Ruin Raider
Guild Rank Increased: Now F-Rank Plus
Perks: Slightly less mockery from guildmates
---
That Night…
> New Quest Alert!
Title: "The Village Well Has Been Possessed"
Objective: Figure out why it's glowing green.
Danger Level: "We Don't Know, But Harold Fell In"
Reward: 8 Bronze Coins, Free Laundry for a Week
Sarcasmus groaned. "We're fighting a haunted well now?"
I grinned. "Yup. You ready?"
"…You're going to get me rusted, aren't you?"