> Quest Activated: "The Village Well Has Been Possessed"
Objective: Investigate suspicious green glow.
Status: Suspiciously splashy.
Reward: 8 Bronze Coins, one week of free laundry.
Recommended Tools: A mop, towel, and existential dread.
I stood in front of the infamous village well at midnight, staring at its eerily glowing green water.
"Okay," I muttered. "It's just water. Green, glowing, soul-sucking water… but still water."
Sarcasmus, my legendary talking sword, groaned from his sheath. "Yes, do go on. Stick your face in. That'll help."
"I wasn't going to!"
"You were thinking about it."
"…Fair."
I leaned over the stone rim. The glow pulsed. A faint voice echoed from the depths:
"GLURBBBBL… WHO DISTURBS MY SLEEP?"
I jumped back, nearly falling in. "NOPE. Nope nope nope. I was just here for laundry coupons!"
The water bubbled ominously.
> Alert: Mini-Boss Appearing!
Name: Gelgorth, The Soggy One
Type: Ancient Water Slime Spirit
Threat Level: Moist and Angry
Weakness: Fire. Or sarcasm.
A blob of glowing green slime surged out of the well like a sentient sneeze.
"WHO DARES DISTURB GELGORTH?!"
Sarcasmus sighed. "Oh great, it's that guy."
"You know him?"
"Yeah, we went to Legendary Weapon Orientation together. He got cursed to guard plumbing."
I drew Sarcasmus. "Alright, strategy time. Any advice?"
"Yes. Fire magic. Do you have any?"
"…I have confidence."
"You're going to die."
I charged.
The slime launched a jet of water. I dodged—by slipping on a wet stone and rolling under it.
> Dodge Successful!
Style Points: 2
Self-Respect: -3
I slashed.
Sarcasmus sizzled as he cut through goo. "Ugh. I taste like swamp regret."
Gelgorth let out a blubbery roar. "FOOLISH MORTAL! I AM ETERNAL!"
"You live in a well, dude!"
> Critical Hit!
Sarcasmus: "That burn was spicier than your swordplay."
I tried a jumping slash. I slipped midair. Gelgorth caught me in a jello-slam.
> -25 HP
Status Effect: Drenched and Disappointed
Inside the slime, I could barely move.
"Sarcasmus," I gasped, "you got any cool powers?"
"Yes. I can sing opera when I'm bored."
"NOT HELPFUL!"
"Fine. Use Skill: Aqua Splitter Slash. Aim for the core!"
> Skill Unlocked!
Aqua Splitter Slash Lv. 1 – Deals bonus damage to water-based enemies.
Coolness: Medium
Splash Radius: Excellent
I focused, screamed something heroic-sounding, and SLASHED!
The slime split in two and exploded into sparkly green mist.
> Boss Defeated!
Loot Acquired:
– Core of the Forgotten Well
– Slime Residue x10
– Title: The Moist Slayer
"Why are all my titles so embarrassing?"
> Because you earn them.
---
Scene: The Next Morning
Back at the guild, I dropped a glowing slime core on the counter.
The receptionist blinked. "Did… you clean the well?"
"Kinda. It exploded."
"Oh. That explains the fog and screaming."
> Quest Complete!
Reward:
– 8 Bronze Coins
– Clean clothes for a week
– Reputation increased with villagers (+10)
– New Pet: Slime Fragment (Baby Gelgorth?)
A tiny green slime hopped onto my shoulder.
"Is this… a minion?"
Sarcasmus hissed. "If he drools on me, I'm melting him."
The slime burbled affectionately.
"Great," I sighed. "I'm a swordsman with PTSD, a slime baby, and a blade that roasts me more than my enemies."
---
That Night…
> New Quest Available:
Title: "Bandits in the Mist"
Location: Fogwood Pass
Reward: 20 Bronze Coins, Rare Gear, and a Mysterious Map
Difficulty: Oh boy.
I groaned. "Bandits now? Can't we fight something normal?"
> Bandits are the most normal thing you've encountered so far.
Sarcasmus muttered, "I miss being in a treasure vault."
"I miss not being murdered by slime."