My eyes had fallen into a light, restless sleep.
The sound of a pebble tapping against the glass window pulled me further away from rest.
But maybe it was exhaustion… or maybe just laziness that stopped me from getting up to see who it was.
A few minutes passed, and suddenly I was soaked—as if someone had poured water on me. Just like Souh always used to.
I opened my eyes fast.
And there it was—that smile. Brighter than the sun. Just like before.
It felt like I had traveled through time. Like nothing had changed.
"Kai, I haven't seen you for days, man!"
Souh's voice whispered in my ear, warm and familiar.
Then he continued,
"You were acting really weird that day… Your face turned pale like chalk when you saw Soura in the schoolyard. You were cold to her, man."
And just like that, memories always come back when I'm about to smile.
Those fake laughs after school. That cold café chair. That yellow-haired girl staring at me with icy eyes.
But whether it was that café at sunset… or now—
The only thing that ever made my heart feel warm was Souh.
I gave a faint smile.
Somewhere deep down, I already knew—Souh never really belonged to me.
I stood up sharply, and my legs carried me toward him.
My eyes drank in his presence.
Unlike before, I was now a little taller than him.
A black hoodie, gray pants just a shade darker than his hair.
And those earrings—the ones that hurt to wear, the ones banned at school… what were they called again, ChatGPT?
"Souh, let's go to the amusement park with Soura tomorrow," I said.
My eyes wanted to cry. But I knew I couldn't—not in front of him.
So I buried my feelings behind the mask I'd crafted.
"Aw, what's this? Did Kai start missing the rides?" Souh laughed. "Alright, I'll tell her and let you know what time to pick you up."
I smiled—maybe because I knew I wouldn't see him tomorrow.
"No, you two go ahead. I'll catch up. I've got something to do before that," I replied.
"Fine, but don't make us wait too long, okay?"
Then, like always, he tugged my hand toward the big southern window.
As if he was trying to pull me out of the prison of sadness I'd built for myself.
But it all faded away.
His laughter vanished into the silence.
When his phone rang—
He let go of my hand again.
In that moment, my eyes drifted toward the mirror across the room.
I caught a glimpse of my reflection.
Of how much I'd changed.
And that question I didn't want to ask myself crept back in.
Then Souh's voice broke through—
His face a little colder now, smile a little dimmer.
"Looks like I can't hang out today. But I'll see you tomorrow at the park. Don't be late, okay?"
He said it softly and leapt out the window.
I ran to the edge and looked down—he waved at me before disappearing.
I wanted to be alone, but my room was suffocating me.
I grabbed my gray hoodie and shut the door behind me.
As I stepped down the stairs, a sweet smell caught my attention.
I paused.
Could my parents be home today?
The thought made me walk faster toward the kitchen.
Mom was making Dad's favorite coffee, and he was setting the table.
They both looked genuinely happy.
When Mom saw me, she smiled—
A wide, unfamiliar smile.
Usually, her face was tired. But today… something was different.
"Kai, come here. Your father and I need to talk to you," she said.
That sentence made me nervous.
But I stepped forward anyway and sat by the table.
She joined Dad, who reached into his pocket and pulled out some papers.
"We've been wanting to tell you sooner, but… you've been accepted to university in Russia."
Dad said this with pride.
"We worked hard for this. Miss Kyoko helped us a lot."
I shot up and slammed my hand against the table, eyes locked on them.
"I need to think about it."
I wanted to say no. But I couldn't.
Because I knew I couldn't bear seeing Soura with Souh.
I knew it would destroy me.
I knew he wasn't mine anymore.
Mom gently took my hand.
"Think carefully, Kai. You need to focus on your future," she said calmly.
I left the house after that, unsure of where to go—
Only knowing I needed to be alone.
For some reason, the old park felt like the only place that could bring me peace.
I sat on the swing and stared at the ground.
After a while, my eyes caught sight of someone's feet nearby.
I looked up.
It was Sia.
I hadn't seen him in days.
He came and sat beside me.
"Si—" I started to call his name.
"Kai, you look depressed," he interrupted.
Then added,
"Is it… because of Souh? Don't you think it's time to stop hurting yourself over him?"
I couldn't answer him.
Or maybe it was just the question I'd been avoiding.
"I just… can't.
It hurts too much.
It feels like something's choking me. I can't even think straight.
Kai, I heard from Auntie that you got a scholarship for a university in Russia. What are you going to do?"
His eyes were sparkling when he asked me that. I didn't understand it back then. But now I do.
"I… I don't know," I said with a sigh.
Sia tilted his face toward the sky, closed his eyes, and let out a loud laugh.
Then, just as suddenly, he went quiet.
"Kai, I'm going with you," he said. "My application got accepted too. Some of Souh's… friends are also going."
I was surprised. He hadn't told me anything until now.
But strangely, a part of me felt relieved. I didn't know why.
Then he turned to me.
"You know, Kai, I used to be like you. Living in a black-and-white world, not knowing anything.
But three years ago, someone gave me a push.
A push that changed everything."
"What do you mean… Sia, are you talking about Souh? Do you know something?"
I looked into his eyes and asked.
"Kai, come to Russia with me. You'll find all your answers there," he said with a smile.
I didn't know why… but I'd never seen Sia this happy before.
He stood up slowly.
"Kai… think about it. And come with me."
He walked away as if he'd come just to say that—
Just those few words.
The park stood quietly beneath my feet.
A breeze passed through the old slide like a lullaby, whispering goodbye.
Suddenly, a flashlight blinded my vision.
I couldn't adjust to the brightness.
Then a deep voice spoke:
"Kid, this park isn't safe at night. Better head home."
It was the old neighborhood guard.
"Alright," I said quietly and left.
After a few steps, I stopped—
As if I needed to look back one last time.
Even though six years had passed, time had frozen there.
I still wasn't ready.
I knew I couldn't say goodbye to him forever.
So, like always, I locked my feelings deep inside and took a step forward.
My feet didn't want to move.
Even the wind had stopped blowing.
But I had to go on.
Toward the future.
A future I once hoped to share with him.
But wanting something doesn't change what the future wants.
My heart was ready to break—
But this time, I couldn't let it.
I gathered my strength and walked forward.
Outside the park, the street was silent—
No sound of honking cars like there used to be.
Then the clouds broke open.
Rain fell.
And the pavement mirrored the sky like glass.
I couldn't think of anything anymore.
My mind was a fog.
I was tired.
So tired of everything.
I couldn't even cry.
My tears had dried up long ago.
I looked into the street,
And it felt like I saw our childhoods—
Mine and Souh's—
Walking away from me.
Walking to a place I could never reach.
It was time to go home.
I walked back slowly, step by quiet step.
When I opened the door, my parents were in the living room,
Sitting together around the table, talking about work.
I walked in.
Closer.
Behind Dad's chair.
Mom stood up and began to speak.
"So—"
"I'm leaving for Russia tomorrow,"
I said before she could finish—
With a voice emptied of hope,
Or even the will to feel anything at all.